Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 10:26 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73777

You deserved it

5258

Tweet

Share

Boozehound

Oh, hai!

Everyone's an expert

By roughsexgonewrong - 5/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48070

You deserved it

11539

Tweet

Share

By ravlol - 25/11/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30331

You deserved it

10522

Tweet

Share

By Lexiebear27 - 19/9/2011 15:56 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29877

You deserved it

6775

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 2/3/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13566

You deserved it

44359

Tweet

Share

By brokebihhhh - 2/1/2017 09:22 - United States

Today, I decided to catch a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7815

You deserved it

617

Tweet

Share

By Zkroger - 23/10/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54807

You deserved it

5003

Tweet

Share

By violated ._. - 22/8/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47201

You deserved it

15287

Tweet

Share

By Gribby - 27/6/2013 23:56 - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49452

You deserved it

8744

Tweet

Share

By jonnah - 5/3/2010 13:06 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32541

You deserved it

5214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 15:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21084

You deserved it

1312

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32267

You deserved it

4226

Tweet

Share

By ineedalifekay - 24/5/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59892

You deserved it

46257

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2019 04:00

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1833

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By awesome - 23/3/2011 00:18

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60320

You deserved it

4190

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55632

You deserved it

2919

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous Cunt - 24/11/2012 19:38 - Netherlands - Blaricum

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15904

You deserved it

17554

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/3/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43237

You deserved it

26174

Tweet

Share

By ostfae - 21/8/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42329

You deserved it

2241

Tweet

Share

By sstahpp - 20/8/2015 21:24 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22401

You deserved it

5009

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 14:01

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

336

Tweet

Share

By broken vows - 15/3/2014 21:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63254

You deserved it

4817

Tweet

Share

By Username - 10/2/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29266

You deserved it

4039

Tweet

Share

By took it - 9/2/2014 14:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43645

You deserved it

8300

Tweet

Share

By sad as shit - 1/1/2016 00:41 - United States - Conway

Today, my life finally seemed to be getting on track after recovering from major depression, paying off most of my debt, and scoring an amazing job. And then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25564

You deserved it

2132

Tweet

Share

By amandanoelle - 9/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11524

You deserved it

1717

Tweet

Share

By ugh. - 21/4/2019 07:00 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2034

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2015 05:45 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22765

You deserved it

3192

Tweet

Share

By Ren - 30/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31340

You deserved it

2129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2015 03:16 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35901

You deserved it

2140

Tweet

Share

By rc2981 - 13/6/2014 10:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44061

You deserved it

5053

Tweet

Share

By hAHAha Halo - 2/8/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45718

You deserved it

5117

Tweet

Share

By amythest - 13/2/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42638

You deserved it

3125

Tweet

Share

By Almostfunny - 16/3/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18304

You deserved it

52064

Tweet

Share

By rkl2010 - 23/5/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28363

You deserved it

3426

Tweet

Share

By facingit - 8/11/2010 10:32 - Australia

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22705

You deserved it

3284

Tweet

Share

By CatLady - 9/6/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35062

You deserved it

5947

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40512

You deserved it

3796

Tweet

Share

By Lovenotes - 17/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17313

You deserved it

42802

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 00:31

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42488

You deserved it

2049

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10814

You deserved it

19029

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Xarin | 0

#93529 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:18

Y'know, I'm Christian, and I love Jesus, and all that...
But I just can't stand people like that...ugh

By perfectwinds | 0

#93513 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:15

Haha I love hyper religious customers. When one found out I was pregnant she literally reached across the desk, grabbed my head, and said "GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY!" really loud. I couldn't stop laughing after she left.

Comments

By AGr8pretending | 0

#93506 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:14

sounds reasonable enough, I guess

By mattjones16 | 0

#93511 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:14

Obama FTL

By Ngood7 | 0

#93512 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:15

Gotta love customer service jobs, and the interesting/irritating/fucking weird people you encounter.

By perfectwinds | 0

#93513 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:15

Haha I love hyper religious customers. When one found out I was pregnant she literally reached across the desk, grabbed my head, and said "GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY!" really loud. I couldn't stop laughing after she left.

By prbro | 0

#93524 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Xarin | 0

#93529 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:18

Y'know, I'm Christian, and I love Jesus, and all that...
But I just can't stand people like that...ugh

Reply

NickACD | 27

#6487564 - Friday 18 December 2015 0:14

Didn't mean to downvote, but some guy I'm arguing with is quoting bible verses. Fucking annoying

By Fa7_fml | 0

#93538 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:19

I can't STAND people like that! They need to have their mouths stapled or something. I'm carrying a stapler from now on.

By Clandestine_x | 0

#93540 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:20

Oh, wow.
I'm so, so sorry.
I would have lost it on her after about a minute.

By smokeyou | 0

#93541 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:20

That crazy Jesus, always being signaled to return by mundane things like your sneezes.

By luckyyyme | 0

#93544 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:21

Where the hell do you work?! You should have played along to see what else would come out of her mouth.