Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML
Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML
Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating, and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of "setting her off", when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks." All I did was say the word "abortion." FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, I sneezed so bad in public that I dropped my coffee, kicked it while trying to catch it, and watched it slide dramatically across the floor into someone’s shoe. They gasped like I'd committed a crime. I just whispered, “Sorry” and fled. FML
Today, I sneezed while getting my keys from my pocket on the way to my front door, dropped them into a storm drain, and then had to explain to my landlord that my reason for needing the spare key was "seasonal allergies." FML
Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML
Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML
Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Xarin 0
Y'know, I'm Christian, and I love Jesus, and all that... But I just can't stand people like that...ugh
perfectwinds 0
Haha I love hyper religious customers. When one found out I was pregnant she literally reached across the desk, grabbed my head, and said "GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY!" really loud. I couldn't stop laughing after she left.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (151)
Jasper_fml 0
creepy religious people. eugh.
stuckink 0
How is this an FML? Sure it's funny, but all you had to do was listen to some crazy person ramble for a while. Where I come from, that's awesome. Nothing like a crazy person to brighten up the day and give you a good story to take home. Unless you were working at an abortion clinic.
retailslave 0
#30: If you're calling fake, then I can tell you its not because its my FML I was working overnight so the ten minute rant began as she left and I sneezed before saying "have a nice day" prompting her to say "Allergies, eh?" The topic just kept getting more and more uncomfortable and annoying as she mentioned the world's allergy seasons were creeping up and happening earlier, and then jesus jumped in because I should have caught some allusion to "the changing weather patterns" meaning "revelation is upon us". After a long pause of me staring and wondering when she would just go away she said "it's all those abortions....all that innocent blood and muscle and sinew, the earth just can't take it".... followed by "you know Obama is the reason for all of this...I feel so bad for those who voted for him" just fyi to the doubters lol
skierguy 0
#33, I'm not going to touch abortion, but I feel compelled to argue against your comments on the theory of evolution. The theory of evolution is a widely accepted, scientific theory with a broad base of evidence. Creationism is a fairy tale that some bronze age tribe pulled out of their ass thousands of years ago and then wrote down to make the worlds best selling work of fiction. Now, please tell me, how does the latter deserve even a fraction of the serious consideration and teaching as the former?
Zoa_fml 0
I would have bitched her out! People needs to keep their damn beliefs to themselves, because no one else gives a shit!
BaldOuting 0
#47 - you ever tried to bitch out someone like that? there is absolutely no point. just let them go.
Compwiz1993 0
I'm catholic and all that, but some people are just too crazy and think that every weird thing that goes on is either a sign of the apocolypse or Jesus' second coming. It's people like this who give Christians a bad name. Go liberal catholics! (There's like, 10 of us)
ilaughatfmls 0
Oh gosh people like that make me go crazy, you should've coughed in her face and ask "what does that mean??!!"
CherishFlowers 0
Wow... I'm very religious but I don't act that crazy. Ugh. >.
taylor08 0
ahaha stupid jesus freaks. to all of you religious people who don't shove your religion down other people's throats, i thank you.