Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 27

08/04/2009 11:17

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 765

You deserved it 22 635

Own it

The smell detective is on the case

Broken dreams

12/11/2018 12:00

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 345

You deserved it 472

28/01/2019 20:00

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turn around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 263

23/05/2016 01:57

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 2 004

06/09/2009 18:23

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 411

You deserved it 2 631

31/05/2019 05:00

Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 250

28/06/2016 17:54

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 608

You deserved it 813

17/12/2010 13:20

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 273

You deserved it 3 591

Customer relationships

By UnemployedGirl - 02/07/2021 19:59

Today, I assisted a customer at work. She was asking me all sorts of stupid questions and acting like an entitled, spoiled brat. When she left, since I had a mask on, I meant to mouth, "Stupid bitch" but I blurted it out loud. Everyone heard. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 396

Creeped out

By deadman - 25/05/2020 02:00

Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 1 925

07/05/2018 01:30

Today, I got home to find my house trashed, my TV, PlayStation, and laptop smashed, all my clothes burning in the backyard, and all my food gone. Turns out my girlfriend did this after going through my phone and finding a contact named "Kristi". Kristi is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 694

You deserved it 448

17/07/2011 07:00

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 837

You deserved it 3 287

17/04/2011 05:56

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 037

You deserved it 8 954

24/11/2016 03:04

Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 866

You deserved it 694

Amazon addict

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 176

23/06/2012 13:11

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 703

You deserved it 7 766

06/05/2012 07:38

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 688

You deserved it 33 680

05/10/2014 21:34

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 618

You deserved it 4 899

11/04/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 582

You deserved it 2 129

07/02/2015 05:13

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 690

You deserved it 2 512

17/01/2017 08:00

Today, there's lethal flooding in the Reno area, with all roads to my work closed and flooded. My boss still expects me to drive through it, in the dark, to work at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 441

04/04/2014 23:20

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 402

You deserved it 13 050

08/07/2012 05:18

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 678

You deserved it 3 915

26/07/2015 17:29

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 2 897

My eyes! My eyes!

By bleach for my eyes please - 07/03/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 390

25/11/2014 20:15

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 849

You deserved it 3 107

06/12/2010 14:51

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 352

You deserved it 8 627

16/12/2014 03:38

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 175

You deserved it 4 343

08/12/2010 17:07

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 821

You deserved it 34 203

Apple juice, motherfucker

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 17:01

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 717

You deserved it 2 865

31/07/2013 16:47

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 184

You deserved it 3 339

04/03/2015 15:03

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 37 685

22/01/2012 05:09

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 260

You deserved it 2 628

Cloud Cuckooland

By Perry85 - 04/03/2020 03:02

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 2 983

11/01/2011 17:09

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 422

You deserved it 3 382

25/12/2012 11:17

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 705

You deserved it 30 585

Mommy's favorite flower

By Ouch - 10/10/2019 02:00

Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 241

30/11/2014 17:29

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 938

You deserved it 2 826

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 961

You deserved it 8 834

31/01/2017 16:00

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 671

You deserved it 1 497

12/04/2016 17:53

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 050

You deserved it 3 039

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:14

you dont deserve that bc it is my assumption that 98% of the population can lift a 45 lb barbell. 7-12 yr olds included. Spotter next time homeboy. Always when trying new exercises and eat that protein mix after workouts. Sounds like you need to gain some weight and muscle

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:21

Don't be so pathetic next time.

Comments

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:14

fail... no offense

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Monday 1 February 2010 7:27

omfg dude I can lift the bar with my middle finger lol

hellokittywhore 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 6:43

omg!! that's sooo funny!!! happened to me too but 1 i'm a girl, a weak one, 2 the guy ended up asking me out right afterwards. so i'm glad it happened. but still I repeat I'm a girl, a weak one at that!!!!'

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:09

I would have guessed he was a European???? I'm never wrong about telling Europeans and californians. you sure you didn't put your location wrong???

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:12

I mean again, I was able to bench the 45 lb bar 15 times for the 6th grade fitness test oh say...... well whatever, I'm a sophmore now. if you do live on America, get off your laazy ass and work out, i do 4 sets of 10 curling 40's for toning work. your pathetic

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 7:19

I could do 20 reps of 90 when I was 12 ;) all bragging aside, OP your a disgrace to this great nation. GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY! *redneck accent*

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Wednesday 7 July 2010 8:25

#157, it is 'you are pathetic' , and yes, you are. different people have different life choices, if someone doesn't excel in weight lifting that is fine as long ad they enjoy their life. arrogant ego manic like you is sad

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Thursday 12 August 2010 8:38

my max for bench press is 110 and I'm a girl haha.

FMLdude886988 0

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Sunday 16 January 2011 12:42

dude, im 13 and i can bench 70lbs 15 times, but i cant right now cuz i have a broken wrist from motocross :(

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Thursday 10 March 2011 4:53

Lol the bar only weighs like 30 pounds so yeah that's kinda sad

Ak30 5

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 21:39

I'm 14 and my max is 245

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 2:03

show off

tj727 1

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Monday 24 October 2011 6:10

Do you people not understand that no one on here cares how much you can bench. That being said, you should probably work on fixing that OP

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Thursday 8 January 2015 4:48

Yeah it probably took all day

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:14

you dont deserve that bc it is my assumption that 98% of the population can lift a 45 lb barbell. 7-12 yr olds included. Spotter next time homeboy. Always when trying new exercises and eat that protein mix after workouts. Sounds like you need to gain some weight and muscle

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Friday 3 June 2011 6:07

depends on how many reps OP did... 45 lbs can get heavy after 20+ reps...

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:18

how old are you? 5?

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 5:11

the fuck? My 11 year old son can lift that 10 reps

airandfingers 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:19

Wait, a barbell without weights is 45 lbs? That's more than I expected.. Still, unless you're a pre-teen, that shouldn't be too hard if you're using both hands, and definitely shouldn't pin you...

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 1:58

Im a pre teen and i can do the barbell and still have 50 pounds on it easy

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Thursday 8 August 2013 10:33

You're so cool

Safko 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:19

Haha yeah get your friend to spot you next time.

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:21

Don't be so pathetic next time.

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:21

Take the necessary precautions when trying a new exercise!

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:22

What were your friends doing? They should've been spotting you...

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Sunday 4 April 2010 5:30

probably laughing

Darkangelxx1234 0

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Monday 10 January 2011 7:07

Agreed ^^^ , Thatss Sadd .

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:26

wow i really hope that you are not a guy. I'm a 19 year old girl and have been able to atleast bench the bar(45lbs) since I was like 14 so if your a guy that is a major fail and seriously FYL

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:29

Without proper form or previous chest workouts benching just the bar could be hard. Make sure you start with machines or just Dumbbell presses before you do bench press, especially if your new to working out. And also, allways but allways have someone with you when you bench. Benching alone is limiting yourself.