Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML
Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML
Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating, and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of "setting her off", when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks." All I did was say the word "abortion." FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, I sneezed so bad in public that I dropped my coffee, kicked it while trying to catch it, and watched it slide dramatically across the floor into someone’s shoe. They gasped like I'd committed a crime. I just whispered, “Sorry” and fled. FML
Today, I sneezed while getting my keys from my pocket on the way to my front door, dropped them into a storm drain, and then had to explain to my landlord that my reason for needing the spare key was "seasonal allergies." FML
Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML
Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML
Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML
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Top comments
Xarin 0
Y'know, I'm Christian, and I love Jesus, and all that... But I just can't stand people like that...ugh
perfectwinds 0
Haha I love hyper religious customers. When one found out I was pregnant she literally reached across the desk, grabbed my head, and said "GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY!" really loud. I couldn't stop laughing after she left.
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Comments (151)
AWESOM_E 0
#33... The Scopes Trial is over. Go die in a cave, where you belong. This reminds me of the Lewis Black line: "Fossils are the handiwork of the Devil". Does anyone remember that? lol
hex56 0
everyone knows that global warming and all these shifts in global weather patterns are due to the disappearance of pirates from the world.
were_giraffe 2
omg you TOTALLY deserved that. You should never sneeze. It's all your fault! Just kidding! I voted " I agree, your life is f***ed" bless you! *hands you a tissue*
greenman_fml 0
Obama is the beast given power by the dragon (serpent) Oprah. Every time you sneeze Obama aborts a fetus and Oprah eats a child.
eternalaphrodite 0
Number 33, I just feel the need to correct a couple of misconceptions that you seem to have. 1. - Tax dollars are not used to either encourage or pay for abortions. Ever. Period. 2. - The theory of evolution is not by any means a "liberal agenda." It is a scientific theory that has been taught in schools since my grandfather was in grammar school. Oh - and most "liberals" have no problem with religious students being excused from science classes that cover that particular theory. Sorry, I know this is not a political board or anything, it just bothers me a lot when false information gets around.
krovek42 0
and why didn't you kick her in a the face?
MiriamSingsLoud 0
#58, you're right about evolution. And up until a few weeks ago, you were right about taxpayer money and abortion. Obama recently reversed that, at least as it applies to money used internationally (the Mexico City policy). But yeah, what a nutcase. I'm a Christian but I don't understand those who see signs of the apocalypse everywhere. Focus on leading a good life and stop wishing doom on people!
ammali 0
#6, I agree, I hate how people stereotype us all because of some total nutjobs :o LOL @ #56!
dol567 0
I love our president. Is the person you were talking to not American? (from the way you referred to it). But yeah, that's weird. And I'm Catholic, but I'm a liberal and yet I'm pro-life, so..
Mikado_fml 0
Oh damn. And to be fair, Obama doesn't kiss babies. He eats them then vomits Wii's.... which Oprah puts under every chair to give away. EVERYONE GETS A WII FOR THEIR BABIES!!!