Love: Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it... - FML

By DL06 - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

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Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Fragile

By emma209 - Canada

Today, it's -20°C outside. Half way through my thirty minutes walk to work, my boss pulled up beside me in her car, said "You look cold. I'll see you at work." And then drove away. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

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By sarah_sad - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

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By how about never? - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

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By AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

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By sealpop09 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

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By painfulintercourse - Canada

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

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By need my own place - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By

Handjob

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

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By Messiahman - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

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By happyshit - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

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By Freechbear - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By P057M4N - 1/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Raleigh

One law for me…

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

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By gummy

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

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By troublewithbleach - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

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By johnG - Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

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By AccidentalFlasher - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in the bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

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By lightblue - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

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By wormsmeat - Canada - Kingston

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Caring

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

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By Unemployed - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

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By Trumpet

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

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By Anonymous

Looking for another one!

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

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By snoozer - United States

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

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By boo8713 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

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By foxfur - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

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By sadinmass - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

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Top comments

By amykillswitch | 0

#92970 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:07

what a tool. maybe he passed out from your good looks?

By vxjazz | 0

#92974 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:10

Many people say they don't care what you look like because that's the only way you'll agree to give them your picture....

COMMENTS

By Ichigo_fml | 0

#92969 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:06

ouch I am sorry

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952740 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 6:17

either your ugly or hi comp turned off for whatever reason.

Reply

FMLrey | 0

#1042854 - Friday 25 June 2010 12:40

YDI FOR FALLING IN LOVE

Reply

lexxiiieeeee123 | 0

#1311006 - Saturday 28 August 2010 5:42

awhh, sorry about that:/ I bet your not really that ugly(:

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#3136670 - Friday 19 August 2011 3:30

he probably sent you a fake picture

By amykillswitch | 0

#92970 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:07

what a tool. maybe he passed out from your good looks?

Reply

juliaaalove | 8

#1930156 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 8:26

I couldn't agree more!

Reply

Danny0522 | 8

#3700014 - Thursday 8 December 2011 3:09

Yeaaaa...... No

By jSOPURE | 3

#92973 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:09

Give him time to fully take in your beauty.

If not, forget that nonsense.

:)

By vxjazz | 0

#92974 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:10

Many people say they don't care what you look like because that's the only way you'll agree to give them your picture....

By rukusrazor | 0

#93002 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:20

Boosh!

By fundangle | 0

#93007 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:21

all i had to read was "i met a guy online" and it was already a YDI

there are legit people online, yes. but there are a lot more creeps.

Reply

mandi625 | 0

#2176487 - Sunday 13 March 2011 16:12

Agreed.

Reply

threer | 30

#5665379 - Monday 9 September 2013 7:24

Us... Creeps?

By spamme | 0

#93010 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:23

right on #4

By sirfuzzitoes | 0

#93013 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:24

hahaha, sorry, but that sucks. i doubt you could be unattractive enough to make him run for the hills if you hit it off so well...

By kellster | 2

#93018 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:26

Ah yes, welcome to the world of online dating. Just so you know, they ALWAYS care. More and more people are dating online; don't let the jerks on here convince you otherwise. It's becoming very common, since people are generally too busy or too insular in their professional lives to meet people otherwise, but yeah - this one is a pretty standard occurrence. I'm sorry!

By EffinWhosLife | 0

#93053 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 16:38

It would be better if you tried to go for someone in the real world. Online dating works sometimes, but then again, you never know who's really behind that computer. Im not rating this one.