Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Ouch
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML
Numb
Today, an accident, which ripped off skin off of one side of my penis (which healed fine) a year ago, now has a side effect. If I sit on a hard chair too long, that area gets numb to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and the only solution is to stand up and rub it until the numbness goes away. FML
Ouchies
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Hot boy summer
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML
Top comments
Flyersfan54 4
It sucks when you get it done later in life.
airforce987 20
Somehow I doubt that 19
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Comments (180)
Mahtari 19
Stop wearing pants. Best solution.
Sanch101 7
I gather this was either a cultural thing (it appears to be part of the US culture to be circumcised) rather than medical necessity? If it was then it is a questionable action. Most of the world does not practice circumcision and many deem it an unnecessary mutilation which damages and limits future sexual sensitivity. I would be interested to know why it became such common practice in the US?
BradTheBrony 19
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, no no. NOOO. NO! This has NOTHING to do with the US, and circumcision rates are only just above 60 percent if I remember correctly. Most of it is religious, not anything to do with US culture.
LuckyLynx7732 5
Supposedly its a hygiene thing, but I've never had any problems. I say leave well enough alone.
Magik0420 3
Because the U.S. was founded on Christian beliefs and usually circumcision was done about the time boys went into puberty to stop masturbation (a sin) and make sex less pleasurable so they wouldn't be tempted to screw everything in sight. Christianity is a messed up religion.
Sanch101 7
A cynical comment I heard was that it is an operation recommended by doctors whom in the US charge for the privilege of removing the skin. As this is the case it is a recommendation made through greed rather than for viable medical reasons. As I said a cynical comment but one which appears to be raised by quite a few people it appears.
kemando 22
Well, it's decided. I'm never getting that done. I don't like genital pain
All_I_Need 4
There are many myths about circumcision on this page. First of all, traditional circumcision has nothing to do with health or hygiene, at least, not in the way it was officially seen and practiced (especially since, you know, the risks of getting an infection from badly performed surgery was higher back when circumcision became predominant in some cultures than the risk of getting an infection because you had a foreskin). Circumcision for religious reasons is merely a symbol of the alliance between God and Abraham for Jewish and it was already controversial back when it started because it created diplomatic issues with the Greek who did not practiced circumcision and found it appaling. Some men even tried to undergo a procedure to get a foreskin back, it was highly dangerous due to the lack of real medical knowledge. Circumcision is also practiced among animists. Once again, it is more of a religious principle than a true care for the hygiene of males. Do not forget that some religion also encourage female circumcision, which can go anywhere from real circumcision (ablation of the ******** hood) to the ablation of the ******** (which would be like having you penis chopped off), inner labia and sometimes worse. Plus, body mutilations or changes is really common among MANY cultures in the worlds, be it a way to have feet small enough to be considered an attractive woman or a way to show you're finally an adult. Some are harmless, other not so much. As for circumcision in anglophone cultures, it all started out at an era when masturbation was considered to be a neurosis. Even though there was indeed an "health" and "hygiene" argument, circumcision was also practised to prevent males from masturbating too much or getting too much pleasure from masturbation. You have to know that even in the US, in the 1960s, puritans still encourages the removal of the ******** for "hygienic reasons" and to prevent masturbation. Note that our perception of what is hygienic and what isn't is often cultural as well and linked to aesthetic or sex. Hairs, for example, are technically hygienic as they protect the skin and control sweating. Pubic hair in female is especially hygienic because it protect the vulva from dirt and bacterias, yet, we tend to remove most of them. Of course, there are many reasons other than cultural to get rid of the foreskin once old enough to decide: mainly, health reasons. They have nothing to do with hygiene I'm afraid, as most male can actually learn to CLEAN their foreskin and penis. Phimosis and paraphimosis are both painful affection which can prevent a man (or a woman, as clitoridal phimosis does exist) from having pleasurable sex. Phimosis can only be diagnosed in adults or adolescent males because the foreskin of young male is often not fully retractable (that is entirely normal), men tend to learn to make it more retractable throughout the years so phimosis isn't that common. Phimosis and paraphimosis are related to higher risks of cancer or infections, this is more likely to be why male with foreskin are said to be more at risks for those things. Some males do live properly with a non retractable foreskin. There are many treatments for a phimosis including creams. They can work and thus not make circumcision necessary but not all doctors are willing to let their patient try them before getting surgery. Most cases of phimosis can be fixed by learning to retract the foreskin though. Paraphimosis is a bit worse though because the foreskin is a bit more retractable but tends to get stuck behind or aroung the penis head which can be extremely painful and cause serious problems if it lasts for several hours. Note that apart from circumcision (removal of the foreskin), there are other surgery available which can stretch the foreskin enough for it not to be a problem anymore. Also, while about 79% of US males were circumcised in 2009, the practice is less common than it used ot be (even though it stronly varies according to the state, now a minority of boys are getting circumcised). It was very common in the 1960s due to the puritan ideology I mentionned earlier. However, it has been practiced a lot in Africa recently in order to reduce the risks of spreading HIV.
Alphakhiash 13
tl;dr "no health risks either way, cut and uncut has its own problems, people in the past were silly"
LuckyLynx7732 5
I have to say I'm impressed, and slightly disturbed, by your knowledge on the subject. But hey, at least I learned something today.
sergentkyle 12
Wow... I learned alot...
redmnky21 8
why was a pack of toothpicks on the floor to begin with?
Wiringify 22
Lay on your back and get them? >.
Schiffy 18
I know the pain. When I got circumcised, I couldn't walk for two whole years!
redhedsaysrawr 18
I see what you did there...
Schiffy 18
Glad someone did.
heyhooker 11
Just get a broom
imperialtl 12
Who gets circumcised when they are grown up?
AgaveLoco 5
That is not the problem. The problem is, no ******** one month!