Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML
Today, an accident, which ripped off skin off of one side of my penis (which healed fine) a year ago, now has a side effect. If I sit on a hard chair too long, that area gets numb to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and the only solution is to stand up and rub it until the numbness goes away. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
Flyersfan54 4
It sucks when you get it done later in life.
airforce987 20
Somehow I doubt that 19
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Comments (180)
moneyisaprobem 1
DUDE ME TOO!!! I had to change the gauges when I took a shower today. So painful. But its a little different. I was only half circumcised because it healed wrong as a baby. So my dick looks like two-face. All I ever wanted was a NORMAL looking penis. FML!!!!!
ablueshka 0
I was partially cercumcised because to much extra skin on ma dik but now it looks like a regular dik that I would see in ****
CeltHound 14
Why circumcision?!?!?
JustKittyKat 24
You poor man! Do the sweatpants idea given above and perhaps put on shoes with two sided tape on the bottom? Haha a creative way to fix your problem! :) Good luck and I hope your joystick makes a full recovery!
violet8 1
71- r u kidding me? Women can't tell if it's cut or not when it's erect? Ur an idiot
deliki 11
Not true.. Girls can tell..
BradTheBrony 19
Says the man who can't use the reply button.
twinkiefeets 17
We can tell!!!
writergirl23 19
Ouch you don't get circumcised much beyond infancy, it hurts too much and reduces sexual feeling! I feel for you op, a guy usually doesn't get circumcised late enough that he can type on a computer unless someone else made him do it. I'd advise (if you live alone) to take off your trousers so you're bare from the waist down first (after you draw the curtains and lock the door, of course!). A short dick would be a benefit in that situation!
Lucysky 7
How old are you and why did you get circumsized?
aly88snts06 4
He may work at a restaurant and has to wear jeans as his uniform. Just guessing. And for everyone saying this about circumcision, please do research before opening your mouths. Thank you
zebrapattern 6
um don't wear jeans
mrmerino 0
Why would someone willingly get circumcised?
iliketomoveit123 10
Sweep them?