Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML
Today, an accident, which ripped off skin off of one side of my penis (which healed fine) a year ago, now has a side effect. If I sit on a hard chair too long, that area gets numb to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and the only solution is to stand up and rub it until the numbness goes away. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
Flyersfan54 4
It sucks when you get it done later in life.
airforce987 20
Somehow I doubt that 19
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Comments (180)
Shadomasta 5
Nope. They would just stay *right there*. Now we wait for an fml about someone who walked into a room and slipped on a floor covered in toothpicks and had to later pull splinters out from between their toes. It's THAT serious.
Schiffy 18
Glad someone did.
Jim9349 10
Why would you get a circumcision? Most of the reasons why are myths.
greeneye_fml 12
There are medical conditions where removal of the foreskin is necessary. Or maybe he converted to Judaism.
qr_fml 21
My ex did that when he was 24 years old and now he can't keep it hard. His dick is limp. I broke up with him
mattorama 15
Exactly what made you think that you should get part of your penis chopped off???
ibean 0
You poor dude!! My brother had to have it done at 21 because he got a bit of sand stuck in between the foreskin and head and I guess it shredded his penis and got all sorts of infected it was either get circumcised or loose his penis....he chose circumcision. Anyway, since I'm 9months pregnant with twins and couldn't bend over to save my life I just kick stuff into a pile for hubs to pick up later or under the couch so I don't have to look at it :) good luck with your poor weewee!
mowmowlife 21
I don't mind your decision but why on earth do you insist on wearing jeans? It's the middle of summer. Get yourself some basketball shorts and be done with it.
blairvic 23
You deserve it for getting circumsized
Complaining 13
Why did you get it done?
greeneye_fml 12
You know it can be medically necessary, right?