Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML
Today, an accident, which ripped off skin off of one side of my penis (which healed fine) a year ago, now has a side effect. If I sit on a hard chair too long, that area gets numb to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and the only solution is to stand up and rub it until the numbness goes away. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
Flyersfan54 4
It sucks when you get it done later in life.
airforce987 20
Somehow I doubt that 19
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Comments (180)
deliki 11
I had a friend who had to have it done when he was in late 20s cause of an accident during sex, and no it's not fun from what I understand..
merrielp 13
Been there buddy. DO NOT GET A STIFFY.
prettyvolatile 3
Y didn't you put on some sweats?
JonahCullen 3
I wish I had mine. ::
gmaxwell1 2
vacuum?
babycakesxx 11
So wear track pants?
etoilenuit 15
Pick them up naked?
Vynoshit 3
Then don't wear jeans. Duh.
jedielf 23
Wear very very loose pants. And rather than squatting, crawl or lie on your stomach. Or something like that.
VictoriaDesiree 0
Remove the pants. Duh