Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today...

By j. farmer-smith - 9/2/2018 23:00 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3054

You deserved it

3258

Favorite

Work

School

Proactive

All for nothing

Great speech, thanks!

By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - 18/4/2016 18:12 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23430

You deserved it

1292

Favorite

By Nofatforme - 6/9/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53595

You deserved it

4839

Favorite

By paulinapo - 30/5/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50190

You deserved it

9793

Favorite

By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1078

You deserved it

5332

Favorite

By newmoongirl1036 - 13/7/2015 02:03 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26836

You deserved it

3322

Favorite

By nilssonfan - 17/11/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27695

You deserved it

5860

Favorite

By dammitrain - 13/7/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36376

You deserved it

8433

Favorite

By brows - 3/3/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21875

You deserved it

52384

Favorite

By charliemann_ - 12/9/2011 14:28 - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31573

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By ImilkedYourMom - 3/5/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13270

You deserved it

2048

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38789

You deserved it

6679

Favorite

By dan - 13/8/2020 17:01

Unloved

Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1469

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 20:00

"Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger…"

Today, my wife wants a divorce. Apparently, she only married me for my potential, since my twin brother is a lawyer, she hoped I’d become a success as well, but since I’m content to be a carpenter, she considers me a disappointment and a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2191

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/7/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53557

You deserved it

5059

Favorite

By BirthdayTeeth - 16/6/2009 11:14 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54897

You deserved it

4228

Favorite

By TraumatizedMother - 2/10/2011 07:27 - United States

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38705

You deserved it

10263

Favorite

By foreveralone - 9/6/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26170

You deserved it

2203

Favorite

By PiZzA_FaCe - 29/5/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52194

You deserved it

5229

Favorite

By Ouchithurt - 4/8/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49816

You deserved it

20934

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/1/2014 18:25 - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55023

You deserved it

8895

Favorite

By j4 - 19/12/2014 23:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37446

You deserved it

2940

Favorite

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39949

You deserved it

4015

Favorite

By ouch - 9/8/2009 01:56 - Brazil

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72964

You deserved it

3383

Favorite

By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/2/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31586

You deserved it

2022

Favorite

By Annoyed - 15/1/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7874

You deserved it

1662

Favorite

By Anna - 28/3/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27626

You deserved it

4612

Favorite

By socksoffire - 17/3/2010 15:22 - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31995

You deserved it

4812

Favorite

By anonymous - 11/8/2010 19:19 - Canada

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29841

You deserved it

7213

Favorite

By shit - 31/1/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29107

You deserved it

1891

Favorite

By anonymous - 17/9/2013 17:52 - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49697

You deserved it

3933

Favorite

By boomstick - 25/9/2009 13:09 - United States

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40489

You deserved it

5352

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22325

You deserved it

3309

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/2/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2115

You deserved it

198

Favorite

By thatonesilentkidinclass - 4/5/2013 08:11 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49589

You deserved it

12098

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

The straights are at it again

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1857

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By BW - 3/1/2010 16:04 - United States

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28985

You deserved it

5454

Favorite

By hozzyandie - 14/12/2010 18:02 - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32574

You deserved it

3284

Favorite

By boyishgirl - 27/2/2015 19:14 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33821

You deserved it

3065

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2017 22:00

Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5481

You deserved it

359

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 06:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36976

You deserved it

8885

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 5th_point_of_contact | 8

#7597173 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:02

I have empathy but that’s still not as bad as thinking it’s Friday only to discover it’s actually Wednesday.

By jellenwood | 34

#7597186 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:44

I’m sure you had a very long and tiring week! Thanks for all you do for the kids!

COMMENTS

By 5th_point_of_contact | 8

#7597173 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:02

I have empathy but that’s still not as bad as thinking it’s Friday only to discover it’s actually Wednesday.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7597185 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:41

You’re a hero. Everyone hates Saturday school anyways!!!

By jellenwood | 34

#7597186 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:44

I’m sure you had a very long and tiring week! Thanks for all you do for the kids!

By ChakatBlackstar | 29

#7597188 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:49

So? Does your school not have any events on Saturdays? Mine often had sports games, Saturday detention, and of course the Chess club tournaments.

RichardPencil | 28

#7597189 - Saturday 10 February 2018 5:55

My high school chess club was like Honey Badger as far as weather was concerned. We just didn’t give a shit.

Queen to D7, check!

Mortimer14 | 9

#7597325 - Saturday 10 February 2018 14:12

We barely had a chess club. Only 4 or 5 of us would show up after school and only one or two on Saturdays. Not a whole lot of fun that way.

Night to D7 Kidnaps Queen.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7597230 - Saturday 10 February 2018 8:57

Better safe than sorry right? You did great OP!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7597326 - Saturday 10 February 2018 14:14

If anything, it just shows your concern and dedication to everyone at school.

By xaru | 21

#7597897 - Monday 12 February 2018 1:45

Superintendent Chalmers?

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7597905 - Monday 12 February 2018 2:19

It's not a bad habit to get into--ensuring that all events are cancelled the day after a snow. There often are events at schools on weekends.

By unintended_consequence | 5

#7599059 - Wednesday 14 February 2018 19:44

Hey, when all the days end in Y it's hard to keep track

By tckm1699 | 7

#7600869 - Sunday 18 February 2018 17:41

It’s not totally uncalled for. In high school many sports have games and practices on the weekend