Miscellaneous: Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 08:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 655

You deserved it 2 953

Good kid

Sharing is caring

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

By Poorfish - 17/03/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 837

You deserved it 29 872

By lolo - 22/02/2013 00:16 - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 094

You deserved it 50 132

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 435

You deserved it 2 812

By nzkristy - 03/01/2010 10:59 - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 883

You deserved it 2 260

By CalledOut - 02/02/2015 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 359

You deserved it 2 524

By Anonymous - 27/08/2018 18:30 - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 3 126

By awkwardturtle - 25/01/2013 05:31 - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 612

You deserved it 13 805

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

By sucker - 07/09/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 2 376

By HAIL SITHIS - 24/07/2015 18:54 - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 947

You deserved it 3 225

Romantic gesture

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 219

You deserved it 251

By Brady - 30/04/2013 16:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 506

You deserved it 15 024

By im_a_mocker - 28/01/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 244

You deserved it 5 865

By stuff2710 - 05/03/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 377

You deserved it 47 913

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 678

You deserved it 5 024

By Anonymous - 02/05/2014 19:51 - United States

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 676

You deserved it 4 438

By justonce - 23/09/2013 22:38 - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 221

You deserved it 3 510

Congratu…

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 16:13 - United States - Inez

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 005

You deserved it 8 445

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 17:46 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a couple asked me to donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 838

You deserved it 2 385

By wounded pride, intact cock - 17/01/2015 18:49 - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 6 756

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 15:33

Today, I went to a theme park. The first ride I went on broke down just as my cart reached the highest point. I had a nice view of my loving family laughing at me while management failed to fix the rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 529

You deserved it 1 960

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 612

You deserved it 2 973

By tampondealer - 09/11/2009 18:42 - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 2 772

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 981

You deserved it 8 890

By Tank - 16/07/2016 23:14 - Canada

Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together, I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 536

You deserved it 751

By divineinstrument - 12/07/2009 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 579

You deserved it 58 306

By toyotasmash - 07/10/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 3 530

Growing pains

By mirie - 20/05/2021 08:01

Today, it occurred to me that it’s not normal that I still fit into all my clothes from when I was in high school. I’m 24 and I haven’t outgrown any of my clothes since I was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 120

By deadandwasted - 20/02/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 481

You deserved it 2 432

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 15:28 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 6 226

By clair_brodie - 04/07/2019 20:00

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 198

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 651

You deserved it 422

By Anonymous - 20/07/2012 21:38 - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 892

You deserved it 45 399

By kayt240 - 04/05/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 230

You deserved it 8 069

By Miss Blairgowrie - 30/01/2013 07:52 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 230

You deserved it 2 734

By kk - 09/01/2013 16:07 - United States

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 643

You deserved it 5 300

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 04/09/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy 6 months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 174

Wet dream

By Annettedarling - 21/04/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog acted out a scene from Disney with me, by causing me and a member of the opposite sex to fall into a river after tangling our legs with the lead. No, it didn't lead to marriage, just me being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 922

You deserved it 488

By Anonymous - 30/04/2013 17:55 - United States - Hartford

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 208

You deserved it 3 343

By brycepetrillo - 07/09/2013 16:08 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 101

You deserved it 3 965

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:20

not working, in bed all day, and all rugged up sounds like a good day to me=)

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:18

Go impose on friend with a warm fireplace and a mountain of hot chocolate

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:17

that's an eventful day

sugarr0babby0 0

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 15:09

OP-go shopping or to a movie?

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 15:13

use the clothes for a fires that way you don't have to wear them all. problem solved

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 15:15

glad i live in QLD, Australia :-)

iSitt 0

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:31

this is an emergency. If op doesn't fix the boiler soon, the water pipes will freeze and split open. Then when the weather thaws the apartment will flood.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:42

I also live in London so I know how feels.

flamegrilled123 3

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:57

nice tits

BigBirdLookAlike 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 0:16

Thanks.

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 5:21

You're welcome.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:18

Go impose on friend with a warm fireplace and a mountain of hot chocolate

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:20

not working, in bed all day, and all rugged up sounds like a good day to me=)

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:52

I agree. I'm jealous; the weather here sucks. If you have friends that are also home, go hang out with them. Get some shopping done while the boiler is being repaired. You did phone for repairs, right?

XTheDesertSongX 17

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 13:23

Unless... The phone is down!!! DUN DUN DUNNN haha

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 13:36

You do realize they got a "phone call" saying their job was closed?(: Most likely, their phone isn't down.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:07

^^^ winnn

XTheDesertSongX 17

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:31

Yes, but anything can happen within two minutes afterwards >:D

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 19:14

Hot chocolaaaaaaaate!

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 7:59

I agree with #6!

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:20

Damn must be cold as bawlz! down on MIA its 50 F and ppl complain so much that its lol

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 13:52

It's 54* F! Damn right I'm complaining! I can barely function in cold weather. There's a reason I live where I do.(: I'm planning on staying in bed 'til the sun comes out and it's in the 70's.(:

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:11

haha wimps I live I'n Canada .. and I was visiting family I'n red deer Alberta 2nd coldest place I'n the world second to Antarctica -50C try that Americans !!

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:20

Try working in Antarctica. Beat that, Canadian.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:23

who works that's what women are for

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:26

Who argues about nothing? That's what men are for.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:30

I like to party

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:34

That's pretty damn cold. It snowed for the first time here in MI yesterday. I can deal with the cold (It isn't that bad when it's only in in the 30s-20s), but it's the wind chill I can't stand. A negative wind chill while it's snowing and you're walking to class is not fun.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:41

I hate wind chill. It hurts. Almost snowed here once, but it turned out to be like one flake and that was it. XD But yeah, you must suffer from walking out there. /: Wear heaps of clothes? (x

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:03

snowboarding I'n shorts and nothing else ... Thats how canadians role

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 4:11

No one cares. That's how Americans roll.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:20

Yes, OP, because spending the day in bed is sure to get the heat restored to your house. Get up and do something about it you lazy bum.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 15:48

no kitty, it's not that easy. the uk's experiencing it's greatest snowfall ever. anyone who can fix her boiler probably won't be able to reach her till next week. i would know, i'm trapped inside.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:21

turn the oven on and leave it open. or find a starbucks and hang out there for a day... or better yet a pub!

Send a private message

Thursday 19 December 2013 15:48

If you left your oven turned on, and the door open you would probably have the highest electric bill in the history of the world

Stupidpeopleanno 5

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:23

Toasty warm?

smokeymcpottt 3

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:25

FYL, but thanks for reminding me it's the second day of summer in Australia...

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:34

it might as well be winter down here in tassie... haha.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:35

love Australian weather! thank god it doesn't snow

icecreamdriveby 5

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:24

I can't stand Australian summers. Give me snow any day! One day i'll live in Finland and be happy :)

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:32

I live in Norder Oslo. That's in Norway. It gets below freezing here (I don't know the American metric system). There's also only four hours of sunlight during the vinter.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:28

I agree with 40. Damn this Australian heat! :-)

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:28

walk to the neighboors house?

kindlystfupls 0

Send a private message

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:31

go buy a space heater? my bathroom is always freezing so a half hour before I need to go in there I turn on my little heater and shut the door. nice n toasty when I go take my shower. :)

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87