Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my boyfriend standing at the end of the bed... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 24

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 133

11/07/2015 12:44

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend standing at the end of the bed staring at a large wet spot. Boy do I know how to pick 'em! FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 922

You deserved it 3 358

Walk on the wild side

Get a vasectomy, dude

Man spitting truth bombs over here

29/01/2017 06:00

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 658

You deserved it 1 536

Hey! Teachers! Leave those kids alone!

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 13:58

Today, while grading my kindergarteners' spelling tests, one kid spelled all the words wrong, including his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 160

Run Away

By dman92 - 09/04/2017 14:24

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 689

You deserved it 374

18/11/2009 11:47

Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his cell, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me "he was so sad that we broke up." I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 516

You deserved it 2 474

01/10/2016 05:14

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 130

You deserved it 2 549

07/05/2016 01:40

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 159

You deserved it 2 410

20/06/2018 15:00

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 685

You deserved it 195

Not you

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 01:02

Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 124

10/02/2012 22:17

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 207

You deserved it 29 356

21/05/2009 10:52

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 622

You deserved it 4 237

06/04/2012 11:10

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 136

You deserved it 10 354

11/02/2011 10:59

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 500

You deserved it 27 265

21/08/2009 23:51

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 9 440

11/11/2009 06:43

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 182

You deserved it 8 048

09/05/2015 03:31

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 558

You deserved it 2 325

27/04/2012 18:01

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 3 136

17/02/2010 05:03

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 291

You deserved it 8 981

27/10/2009 04:45

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 054

You deserved it 8 616

16/08/2009 17:04

Spicy

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 794

You deserved it 8 743

18/11/2017 19:00

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 789

You deserved it 1 472

22/09/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 169

You deserved it 217

17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 266

BFF

By BFFN - 14/04/2016 15:36

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14-year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 573

You deserved it 1 325

27/05/2012 13:20

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 204

You deserved it 2 609

07/04/2015 15:43

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 181

You deserved it 3 013

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 02:08

Today, my mother woke up again in a bad mood due to the quarantine and went off on how us siblings complain about each other all the time. Truth is, she's the one complaining non stop about whichever sibling is not in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 106

I am sorry

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 18:00

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 858

You deserved it 177

14/09/2015 05:17

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 042

You deserved it 3 458

24/11/2010 13:18

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 40 992

28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 2 823

25/08/2015 19:54

Spicy

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 827

You deserved it 3 515

14/10/2016 03:46

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 763

You deserved it 1 271

22/07/2010 05:52

Spicy

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 915

You deserved it 5 245

08/02/2010 08:00

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 294

You deserved it 86 485

31/07/2009 08:36

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 762

You deserved it 7 058

30/09/2009 06:17

Today, it was my birthday. I asked my mom that instead of a present if she would make a donation to my favourite charity. She said that this wasn't a "proper" present for a 15-year-old girl. Instead she got me a kettle because "ours had broke and you make the most tea in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 5 497

05/03/2015 02:05

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 3 015

15/09/2009 19:24

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 470

You deserved it 2 593

27/03/2012 04:27

Today, my best friend stopped by my house, borrowed a movie, and left. That was the extent of our communication for the day. Today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 110

You deserved it 2 508

That's a hard no, Patricia

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 12:04

Today, my aunt asked me to change my major to a program I’m not interested in so her depressed son, my cousin, could have a study buddy. I’m in my last year of university and have been accepted to a master’s program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 62

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Sunday 12 July 2015 12:58

Urine big trouble now...

oathkeeper99 31

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Sunday 12 July 2015 12:58

I'm confused as to what caused the wet spot, was it amorous activities the night before or did he piss the bed?

Comments

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Sunday 12 July 2015 12:58

Urine big trouble now...

coming back in the future 30

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:01

Well these puns can't get any bladder.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:02

It sucks that puns are down voted.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 14:08

I'm pretty sure there's a return policy on your man child of a boyfriend. Flip him over and check.

chinaski7628 32

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Sunday 12 July 2015 15:57

No returns if you cut the tags off.

oathkeeper99 31

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Sunday 12 July 2015 12:58

I'm confused as to what caused the wet spot, was it amorous activities the night before or did he piss the bed?

imapartypooper 15

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Sunday 12 July 2015 14:14

It could have been a wet dream. Might as well give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 15:04

I don't think op would be complaining about a wet spot from their love making.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 16:18

Both!

RedPillSucks 31

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Sunday 12 July 2015 16:54

@27th could be a wet spot from autoeroticism

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 13 July 2015 2:10

Based on the fact that the BF was standing at the end of the bed, it sounds to me like he intentionally pissed on the bed.

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Monday 13 July 2015 6:45

Or he was sleepwalking and thought he was at the toilet.

Nailpolishaholic 20

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Sunday 12 July 2015 12:59

It was an accident, he must have been embarrassed himself.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 12:59

I really hope that it was a drunk accident OP, bedwetters are not sexy..

ThatOneChick856 36

Sunday 12 July 2015 17:46

OP was being insensitive and so are you. I'm sure OP's bf didn't do it on purpose (much less to "look sexy"), and that's why it's called an accident. He's probably extremely embarrassed and basically encouraging OP to act out immaturely just because it might be a bed-wetting issue (since its "not sexy") will just make it worse.

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Monday 13 July 2015 2:09

Just like you were a drunk accident you insensitive ahole

sturschaedel 27

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:01

Depends.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 19:12

I see what you did there! Kudos.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:01

Well what was it?

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 6:10

either urine or a wet dream

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:04

He was just marking his territory

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:05

Dump him! nah just kidding, accidents happen. Having said that he should have to clean it up himself at the very least.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:12

Rub his nose in it so he learns!

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Sunday 12 July 2015 15:04

Haha I like you bro

Twisted_Angel 17

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Sunday 12 July 2015 15:52

Rofl!

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Sunday 12 July 2015 17:21

So funny I almost peed my pants #11.

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Sunday 12 July 2015 13:23

happens...take it lightly