Intimacy: Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were...

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 649

You deserved it 4 189

Intimacy

Batman

Mother of the year

Our house, in the middle of our street

By j - 01/03/2011 06:26

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 528

You deserved it 4 529

By rach - 19/05/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 621

You deserved it 4 351

Alternative medicine is bull

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 23:01

Today, when my neighbor came over to ask about a serious rash her child had, she totally passed by me, the EMT/firefighter, to ask the hippy pastry chef what she thought of it, and if she had oils to "cure" it. So much for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 107

You deserved it 3 571

By beaten - 13/09/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 271

You deserved it 14 101

By youcould'vejusttoldme - 11/05/2017 21:00 - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 449

By WaltTheFuckDad - 01/09/2013 23:06 - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 284

You deserved it 3 583

By ohIlike - 15/09/2009 12:10 - Australia

Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 877

You deserved it 7 528

By nobar - 04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 649

By singlesoon - 25/08/2009 04:26 - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 662

You deserved it 7 114

By Spudzy - 11/04/2012 16:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 409

You deserved it 44 765

No thanks, Karen

By artdegreemyass - 21/07/2012 21:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 637

You deserved it 3 106

By AAnonymous - 05/11/2014 13:57 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 058

You deserved it 4 025

By lextoast - 26/07/2015 18:15 - Rwanda

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 708

You deserved it 2 666

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 325

By 30Jenna - 13/07/2011 22:01 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 685

You deserved it 6 286

By really - 22/05/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 177

You deserved it 2 835

By tkghan - 02/08/2013 14:53 - United States - Concord

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 387

You deserved it 6 146

By blahbags - 06/04/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 727

You deserved it 17 741

By pabj208 - 22/12/2015 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 1 746

By frankie034 - 06/05/2009 07:40 - Australia

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 593

You deserved it 9 116

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 115

You deserved it 27 222

By Lyn - 18/01/2012 11:15 - United States

Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 048

You deserved it 6 681

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 6 484

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 2 372

By wtf - 08/03/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 807

You deserved it 24 452

Meddling

By sotter42 - 20/07/2020 17:01

Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 135

By ppp - 14/09/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 090

You deserved it 3 390

By Anonymous - 26/03/2012 01:10 - United States

Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 283

You deserved it 2 564

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 960

You deserved it 1 720

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 741

You deserved it 22 625

Road hog

By sin - 01/06/2021 04:01

Today, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t recognize a funeral procession when I see one. It just looks like a bunch of cars to me. I should probably get off the road for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 265

By Mitch - 19/07/2012 17:36 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 3 428

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 13:38 - United States

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 454

You deserved it 1 695

By henhouse - 18/07/2015 11:09 - Australia - Brunswick East

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 3 645

Song sung blue

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 06:42 - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 556

You deserved it 3 598

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 8 044

By Drunken Sailor - 27/06/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 675

You deserved it 3 420

By hakuna matata - 31/10/2012 10:06 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 932

You deserved it 3 599

By college will be fun they said - 15/09/2017 19:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 551

You deserved it 406

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Top comments

aphrodite14141 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:48

I guess he's not so amazing anymore.

perdix 29

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:55

Transvestites can be awesome boyfriends, I suppose. He popped your cherry and doubled your wardrobe! It's a good day for you!

skyeguitar 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:47

maybe his mom dropped one of hers while putting away laundry?

dindinn 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 1:40

wow!

austinryansmith 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 14:51

I agree

fatvader64 5

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Thursday 12 August 2010 9:37

your fault for having boobs!

RageKage 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 14:38

that's one interpretation of what happened. I personally like to think that it's the boyfriend is fat and needs to wear a man-bra.

Insomniaddict 0

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Thursday 14 April 2011 11:11

Are you implying that he sleeps with his mom?

supersitter 11

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 4:14

Wow, #80. Congrats, you are officially the jackass of the day. Someone needs to knee you in the balls. Your fault for having them, right?

ZeusBeDubsteppin 24

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Thursday 29 October 2015 5:58

dont worry #80 has boobs too

ZeusBeDubsteppin 24

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Thursday 29 October 2015 5:59

he is one haha

Spoiledgirl27 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:47

how did you not realize it wasn't yours before you put it on!

Hunts160 5

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Friday 3 September 2010 7:40

Ur an idiot. everyone should know that.

Since1998 20

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Friday 30 August 2013 19:33

seems like you dont have the answer either

Amanyyyyyy 29

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Tuesday 14 January 2014 15:07

It looks like he has a collection of bras...

aphrodite14141 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:48

I guess he's not so amazing anymore.

T_McGee 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

tofuzoo52 0

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Monday 8 March 2010 16:59

...

dannnn_fml 0

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Sunday 25 April 2010 5:04

...

warriorcatluvr 0

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Sunday 23 May 2010 15:34

what the hell

ZleveL 0

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Friday 28 May 2010 6:19

AHAHAHAHA!!! LOL!!!!!! I love how there were two "..." in a row and the a "what the hell" X'D OMG OMG OMG LOLOLOL. oh my jizz that was hilarious *exhale*

azn_pridee69 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 21:49

LMAO ikr made my day :D and fyl op.

longcat 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:54

that just makes him even more amazing

sonicmega 3

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Saturday 16 January 2010 20:28

Comments like yours are the reason we have a debilitating sexual double standard in the world today.

Dmb15freeweezy 0

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Sunday 12 September 2010 15:25

14 you need to chill. there are more important things than your double standard problem.

perdix 29

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:55

Transvestites can be awesome boyfriends, I suppose. He popped your cherry and doubled your wardrobe! It's a good day for you!

Zufallian 34

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Monday 19 October 2015 0:21

It could also belong to one of his ex's from a long time ago.

AxCxDxDx 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 19:57

Obviously, your boyfriends a crossdresser!

Nic_hole 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 20:00

yea, how did you not know it wasn't yours when you put it on??

SarahMarie83 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 20:02

Are you trying to imply that it belonged to him or another woman?

perdix 29

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Saturday 16 January 2010 20:07

I'm more than implying he is a cross-dresser, I'm stating it. Of course, this being FML, I'm pulling this fact right out of my ass, and it is probably even more likely that the bra belongs to one of the many other women he's fucking.