Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting...

By Ballshurt - 7/9/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

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Miscellaneous

Great boyfriend

Insane parents

Live dumping

By homerde - 5/2/2011 06:29 - France

Today, and even at this very moment, my ex, who I'm still in love with, is having sex with her new boyfriend. He's my neighbor and she's making a lot more noise with him than she did with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2013 07:36 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

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By owl + bungee cord - 7/1/2014 20:38 - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

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54231

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By happyeffingbday202 - 2/4/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

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By PLU - 27/1/2011 00:57 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

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By fml9124 - 5/9/2019 20:00

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

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1288

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By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32303

You deserved it

2017

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By photofaint - 23/2/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

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By notgoodwitholdpeople - 23/5/2014 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML

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By twinkygaymer - 27/6/2020 02:02

Obey!

Today, I got screamed at by a girl because I said I didn’t want to go on a date with her. I’m a gay man. FML

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By radioinvader - 28/10/2012 12:29 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

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25428

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By Anunimos - 19/4/2015 13:08 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 22:26

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 18:00

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML

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By moonstone15 - 6/8/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2014 15:21 - United States

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

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By Xpresss - 2/2/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

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By JFC - 17/7/2016 19:56

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

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By tkr - 6/2/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

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By sosad - 9/3/2011 22:08

Today, I was told that I will never be able to have children. Thankfully for my husband, his girlfriend sure can. FML

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By Whytetrash - 20/6/2013 06:32 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 22:07 - United States

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

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By Tyler - 19/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

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By YaytoSeniorYear - 5/9/2017 20:00

Today, my roommate revealed that she's dating my ex. I later had to navigate around them caressing each other just to grab my noodles from the microwave. FML

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4690

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By Username - 27/1/2010 08:35 - France

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

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By yuck - 21/6/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

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By P DarklyKira - 18/5/2020 23:00

Bunged up

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

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1566

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By At least she knows I floss - 25/8/2017 14:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

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By savagepixie - 1/6/2019 14:09

Ex-Lax Time

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

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1658

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By depressedskatergirl - 7/2/2015 02:35 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

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44269

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By jmitch1209 - 28/1/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

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32796

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By mish - 22/9/2013 20:41 - United Kingdom - Leominster

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Snapchat. FML

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48086

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By Jfly25 - 23/1/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

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3966

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280

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By jcesom - 29/7/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

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41414

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By a - 1/3/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

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31746

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By justfat - 12/3/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

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68615

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By metalflower01 - 11/1/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

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Top comments

By AnthonyxD_fml | 0

#545552 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:23

Why were you naked sittin down in the first place?

By thequickredofox | 0

#545692 - Monday 7 September 2009 14:32

Another reason why I'm pleased my genitalia is all neatly tucked away, safe from thumb tacks and vicious trouser zippers!

FYL indeed OP

COMMENTS

By funnyfml | 0

#545521 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:06

First

By MorlekEngel | 0

#545537 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:15

Op: Look before you sit
Funnyfml: At least say something constructive!!

baby_love | 0

#547706 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 4:26

lmfaO !

redbluegreen | 40

#548950 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 21:17

Because #1 got deleted.

redbluegreen | 40

#553886 - Thursday 10 September 2009 21:38

Yup. I got in a fight with him on another FML where he also commented 'first'.
It got moderated though, so I like to think I won in the end.

By gdude756 | 0

#545544 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:19

Sucks for you dude. Next time look before you sit

By AnthonyxD_fml | 0

#545552 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:23

Why were you naked sittin down in the first place?

sobe23 | 0

#547786 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 5:07

He could of just gotten out of the shower or getting changed and sat on his bed in his room or a chair or something. Stranger things have happened!!

By take_a_moment | 0

#545553 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:23

hmmmm, tell me, how heavy are your balls to get them pierced by a tac...or do you tuck? AHAHAHAHAHA
oh fuck that lol

ibaun21 | 0

#804602 - Thursday 28 January 2010 13:31

my balls hurt from reading these comments

ZleveL | 0

#996575 - Tuesday 18 May 2010 8:35

^ I feel you... down there

By 1aidan1 | 0

#545558 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:29

My second testicule has finally dropped! Yay me!

orchids_torturer | 0

#545760 - Monday 7 September 2009 15:36

congratulations babes.

By caancoha | 0

#545564 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:34

Wait, it's not? I've been doing it wrong, then.

By Serix | 0

#545568 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:38

what did you do slam your dick ontop of your balls? like seriously unless you had some serious pressure on your scrotum i wouldnt see this happening.

By 766746 | 0

#545572 - Monday 7 September 2009 12:42

just have to pick holes in everything you people on Fml!!

give the dude a break, that would have fucking hurt........... no matter how it happened!!

By eatmynuggets | 0

#545625 - Monday 7 September 2009 13:27

lmao sucks to be you