Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly... - FML

By love4cheese1197

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1366

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

OK sweaty, time for a bath

True hero

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14393

You deserved it

42711

Tweet

Share

By katta2009 - United States

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36261

You deserved it

2572

Tweet

Share

By LY2

Keep it in the family

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1804

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36861

You deserved it

4210

Tweet

Share

By x - United States - Lake Placid

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23470

You deserved it

6571

Tweet

Share

By peachass - Australia - Melbourne

Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25788

You deserved it

1279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20884

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous Baker

Today, I got a write-up because I told my boss that it was impossible to have pies, which have a bake time of 1 hour, ready for a customer who wanted them in the next 15 to 20 minutes. Then, when the customer got there and the pies were still in the oven, I got a second write-up for wasting time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2212

You deserved it

99

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44065

You deserved it

7551

Tweet

Share

By hawkwardd - Australia

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43739

You deserved it

3220

Tweet

Share

By peppergirl

Sewing project

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

602

You deserved it

2274

Tweet

Share

By goin4broke - United States

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63974

You deserved it

6893

Tweet

Share

By Brinty - Australia

Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28124

You deserved it

3366

Tweet

Share

By nean83 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24412

You deserved it

39706

Tweet

Share

By Iamsosorry - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32355

You deserved it

4111

Tweet

Share

By Crazy Mom - United States

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60047

You deserved it

4615

Tweet

Share

By nothing - United States

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28831

You deserved it

63661

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23733

You deserved it

1677

Tweet

Share

By Sios - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20889

You deserved it

2778

Tweet

Share

By Sneezy123 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41192

You deserved it

10126

Tweet

Share

By Karmas3itch - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84755

You deserved it

6725

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31444

You deserved it

8534

Tweet

Share

By dearprudence89 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24531

You deserved it

3056

Tweet

Share

By Goatczar - United States - Orem

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28756

You deserved it

2880

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25232

You deserved it

1987

Tweet

Share

By mannydanny - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41105

You deserved it

5010

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom rolled up the car window on my fingers. She thought my yelling and crying was because I was throwing a tantrum. I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33351

You deserved it

4004

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30885

You deserved it

62951

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27454

You deserved it

4075

Tweet

Share

By gothicvamp93 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36045

You deserved it

2360

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/4/2021 13:59

It's not called a pandemic for nothing

Today, I found out that no matter how careful you are during this pandemic, wearing a mask, washing hands, and social distancing, you can still get COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks

948

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By sopissed - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29576

You deserved it

3605

Tweet

Share

By serialkillingex - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53065

You deserved it

8056

Tweet

Share

By RandomMe - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17630

You deserved it

11862

Tweet

Share

By Davey Crocker

Stay safe, wear a hazmat suit

Today, my coworker volunteered me to drop laptops off at two sites outside our normal areas. I asked if they were safe from COVID-19. "I don't know, but you're young. You'll be okay," responded the man who's been working from home for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77255

You deserved it

13251

Tweet

Share

By foo - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15033

You deserved it

24793

Tweet

Share

By flicmybicgrl - 23/9/2020 08:01

Look where you're going

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

958

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By JoshuaRob - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23116

You deserved it

7998

Tweet

Share

By me:( - United States - Romulus

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65507

You deserved it

5130

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7827975 - Friday 2 August 2019 20:53

And just what IS the proper technique? Asking for a friend....

By Henry8cooper | 15

#7827981 - Friday 2 August 2019 21:35

Very considerate of him. Now you know how to handle things if somebody's balls should stick to your leg by accident. I personally am not aware of the technical aspects of removing sticky balls from legs - I suppose I will have to add that to a long list of skills I never needed to acquire - so if you could give a few hints it would be appreciated.

COMMENTS

By Mooglefox | 23

#7827974 - Friday 2 August 2019 20:24

I bet that had to be an every interesting lesson.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7827975 - Friday 2 August 2019 20:53

And just what IS the proper technique? Asking for a friend....

By Henry8cooper | 15

#7827981 - Friday 2 August 2019 21:35

Very considerate of him. Now you know how to handle things if somebody's balls should stick to your leg by accident. I personally am not aware of the technical aspects of removing sticky balls from legs - I suppose I will have to add that to a long list of skills I never needed to acquire - so if you could give a few hints it would be appreciated.

By cheesebond | 29

#7827994 - Friday 2 August 2019 22:55

HOW DARE YOU KEEP SUCH VALUABLE INFORMATION FROM US!

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7828012 - Friday 2 August 2019 23:49

Pay attention that is VERY important information.

By Wadlaen | 21

#7828014 - Friday 2 August 2019 23:52

Well, you never know when you're gonna need that kind of knowledge...

By RichardPencil | 30

#7828015 - Saturday 3 August 2019 0:03

Is it better than using a spatula?

No one likes pubes in their pancakes or burgers.

By mekiswrite | 21

#7828034 - Saturday 3 August 2019 2:34

I had a friend in high school that would demonstrate this at the lunch table. Free of charge and without anyone asking. He also undid his pants on a couple of occasions too.

By Memnoc | 26

#7828058 - Saturday 3 August 2019 5:28

Now you just need to tell all of your girlfriends, and they can tell theirs, and on and on, so that they can point it out and tell everyone when they see him doing it.

By DogStew | 20

#7828066 - Saturday 3 August 2019 6:34

This is a great opportunity to talk about your stinky boob sweat.