Love: Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 103

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 40

17/10/2012 05:18

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 68

Hiding from the drama

Commando

Wakey wakey

23/09/2018 21:00

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 294

You deserved it 278

29/08/2012 04:19

Today, I came home from work to find my house was flooded from a broken pipe under the sink. My house had just recently had new wood floors, carpet and electrics installed because 6 months earlier my house had been flooded by the same pipe breaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 031

You deserved it 2 895

Preemptive strike

By Alex Kiwi - 02/04/2020 20:00

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 332

06/02/2010 18:22

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 396

You deserved it 2 513

Sounds bad

By Pururururin - 11/06/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 524

23/09/2010 19:02

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 506

You deserved it 2 467

02/03/2019 16:00

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 306

You deserved it 148

24/01/2010 15:27

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 4 788

16/12/2008 03:58

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 008

You deserved it 34 981

19/12/2011 06:43

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 412

You deserved it 4 562

22/06/2015 00:50

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 5 145

15/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 228

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 113

07/04/2012 19:30

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 696

You deserved it 28 496

07/03/2009 06:34

Spicy

Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 468

You deserved it 13 278

18/02/2016 03:22

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 893

You deserved it 4 872

31/12/2013 20:11

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 017

You deserved it 10 100

17/12/2014 20:09

Spicy

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 291

You deserved it 3 025

09/03/2013 07:02

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 178

You deserved it 3 325

18/09/2011 21:16

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 677

You deserved it 19 111

Milky Milky

By Shock91 - 11/09/2019 02:02

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 320

19/07/2012 15:55

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 915

You deserved it 3 852

05/08/2012 22:05

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 048

You deserved it 2 989

16/02/2012 15:01

Spicy

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 136

You deserved it 3 985

Serial killer vibes

By D Flower - 18/09/2021 13:00

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 86

17/08/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 191

Weirdo

By ReineXre - 15/06/2016 00:00

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 396

You deserved it 708

UTI

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 07:01

Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 913

29/03/2015 12:54

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 3 222

04/03/2014 20:44

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 144

You deserved it 3 282

20/08/2009 14:39

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 849

You deserved it 153 091

05/03/2010 03:51

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 153

You deserved it 3 712

29/03/2016 01:56

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 885

You deserved it 2 154

07/05/2009 19:11

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 049

You deserved it 6 543

31/07/2012 15:53

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 816

You deserved it 52 987

It's complicated

By illusia - 05/04/2021 16:58

Today, I was screamed at for not doing the dishes because I was exhausted. Last year, when my arm was broken, I did all my chores without complaint. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that I’d much, much rather work with a broken arm than while tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 128

29/11/2009 00:32

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 580

You deserved it 6 797

30/11/2011 11:17

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 800

You deserved it 6 034

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 553

You deserved it 2 784

24/06/2009 02:37

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 770

You deserved it 82 398

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:06

Badass

TotallyAradical 14

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:06

Don't be jelly.

Comments

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:06

Badass

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:09

Having a dad who's a brony at 57 is a win in my book.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 21:43

I'm curious if it was Twilight Sparkle or Rarity. :P

Inediblepeaches 15

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 22:18

Or Lyra! Can't forget the background ponies :P

oj101 33

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 23:03

Mid life crisis?

CaptainDoorknob 7

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 23:13

Like a BOWSS.

TotallyAradical 14

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:06

Don't be jelly.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:23

Don't tell me I can't be a jelly, if I want to be.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:23

Don't say "jelly". I am convinced that most people use that term because they have no idea how to spell "jealous" correctly.

TotallyAradical 14

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 21:26

Or, in this case, it's just for shits and giggles.

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Thursday 18 October 2012 0:31

OP is peanut butter and jelly with a banana. And that banana too is jelly.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:07

That's really awesome actually.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:41

Yeah definitely not a FML

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:09

Hey, he's confident in himself. :P

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:10

At least it wasn't at the age of 37. For his 58th birthday get him a voucher for a tatoo parlour to add the caption "My Dear Pony" underneath it. Let him live the dream OP.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:11

Brony?

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:39

Hey, someone had to say it

Inediblepeaches 15

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 22:22

Someone already *did* say it...

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:11

Shit I wouldn't fuck with him if I saw the unicorn tattoo.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:11

Unicorn blood kept Voldemort alive. You may think he's becoming too sweet and kind hearted, but he's actually rep'n the dark side.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:12

I think you have an awesome dad op. most people would not have the balls to do that.

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:14

And this affects you...how exactly? Is there some reason he SHOULDN'T have gotten that particular tattoo? Do you have something against tattoos? Or against unicorns? Perhaps you'd rather he get "MALICE" tattooed across his forehead? It's his body, and you have no right to complain.

doctorhook86 24

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 16:22

19: I'm thinking that tattoo has gotta seriously cramp a guy's ability to actually get near a pussy.

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Thursday 18 October 2012 5:36

Hey DocBastard, I like the new profile pic

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Thursday 18 October 2012 6:07

Noor, then there will be people thinking he eats cats