Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
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Top comments
Lenora_Cain 25
you might want to either a)brush your teeth more than once a day or b) invest in some gum.
xwendifferx 16
That was rude but how bad was your breath that she said that?
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Comments (70)
remometol 16
You kissed your girlfriend for the first time. Even though it wasn't perfect, this isn't an FML, be happy!
gabsaad 10
Dude that should be a tooth paste quote and YDI for being disgusting
Tyyeezyjr 13
Grab some breath mints or brush your teeth.
Lars93 18
sounds like something a Dutch girl would say. Dear people of the rest of the world, you need to know that Dutch girls like and ALWAYS overreact ;)
rybudz77 7
WHY DID I THINK THT SAID GIRAFFE NOT GIRLFRIEND IM DYING OMG
ihatedouchbags 17
Are you a smoker? That might be a reason.
worldclassrager 41
Mouthful of breath mints and no one to kiss... Take this hint OP...then things will change
Witchylady 18
I am.more interested in how she is your girlfriend without you ever have kissed her before that moment.
DeadHorseman 11
.
Era2EraVTitania 7
Too bad. But perfect title for it. Good job on that
clawstrophobic 15
Invest in a tongue scraper