Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
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Top comments
Lenora_Cain 25
you might want to either a)brush your teeth more than once a day or b) invest in some gum.
xwendifferx 16
That was rude but how bad was your breath that she said that?
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Comments (70)
vikky538 29
Next time keep some mouth wash in your pocket
LycanGod 27
if it is not a disease then damn!! OP needs a tooth brush, toothpaste, mouthwash and some mints stat!! how bad his mouth hygiene must be the for his mouth to be that bad if it is a disease then the OP needs to get that checked yesterday!
FlashlightBob 13
Breath mints are your friends
B_rock01 10
You must go to Pitt
benedictjongoh 10
Erm..brush much?
lalaney 14
I'm really confused by the FMLs that start with "I kissed" or "held hands" with my "gf/bf for the first time". How can you call someone your SO if you haven't done those things first? Unless you're 10?
soulreaper12296 28
Just because you're dating doesn't mean you need to kiss.
DeadHorseman 11
not everyone needs to **** their partner before having a relationship with them
soulreaper12296 28
She said 'smells like shit' not 'tastes like shit'.
theBandit68 17
Gum fucktard
jenninyc1128 17
Dating tip #1: always have gum/travel size mouthwash handy.. You might not feel your bad breath but your date certainly can.
Silk_Routes 14
I agree your mouth stinks! hope you enhance her second kiss