Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML
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Top comments
Poke_my_mon 0
No Birthday sex? Aww buddy I feel so bad for you. Excuse me while I go have sex with my girlfriend.
Wdgames 0
I bet the Afro is involved in some kinky games, right?
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Comments (240)
tony8pie 0
You must be REALLY bad in bed to drive a woman to celibacy!
Shadow_Phantom 26
This isn't a FML. YDI.
LOKIM8 0
You reply by saying "ok then i'll go elsewhere for my needs" give here the choice of putting out or you tapping other girls. If she says that is insensitive or whatever then you put it on her that she took a vow of chastity without discussing it with you first and allowing you to establishing your wants and needs.
HMTQMadge 1
I don't see why this is an FML. If you really loved the girl you would understand. That, or you're just a plain fucktard.
ProtoBuster_1 5
How is the OP being a fucktard? Even if he really did love her, it would still come as a shock.
niceonejackass 0
You fail for dating a retard.
MrCanoe 5
although I have a few questions about her decision if it's a real out of the blue surprise or kinda expected like 1. Is she real religious or recently become "born again"? 2. When having sex was she in for it most of the time or real reluctant to have it threw out your relationship? 3. Did she enjoy it or did she always seem upset after you have sex like she felt "bad: or "dirty" If she has always been weird about sex it shouldn't be a surprise but if she never shown any major reluctance about sex in the past then I would be suspicious
HeroicDude 0
Ouch. Tough deal bro. Ask her to make an exception for your birthday.
foobarbaz 0
Dump her. Seriously. It's 2009.
ronbprod 0
rOn-b: tell her ditto
chanel_bbygirl 0
haha that's ******* great!! i'm pregnant and my bf was like uhm we arent having sex for awhile after this we dont need anymore kids anytime soon. but i mean shit tell her a ******** isnt sex.lmfao