Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML
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Top comments
Poke_my_mon 0
No Birthday sex? Aww buddy I feel so bad for you. Excuse me while I go have sex with my girlfriend.
Wdgames 0
I bet the Afro is involved in some kinky games, right?
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Comments (240)
hobos_R_us 0
All of you who say dump her, are disgusting pigs and I hope you live a life of sorrow. And we don't need Jesus freaks... there is no god
microtrd 0
You're just angry at the whole world aren't you? You sound like you need a hug. Then you need to get laid. Fortunately for me, MY LIFE IS AWESOME! And I'll not live a life of sorrow. That's not a viable option for me. But thanks for playing :)
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Considering what it clearly sounds like you invited her for, I totally understand her decision. Whether she's really taken the vow or not, I'd have said the same thing if I was her just to get rid of the issue. Date people because you're interested in them, and have sex if it naturally happens or if the chemistry and all are there. Don't date someone and invite them over just to service your sexual needs. If you approach it like that, it's like the person is no more than a convenience cup for you...
MochiHoshi 0
Oh boohoo.
flar3 0
just bismarck her and look how she responses
CL41RE 0
get over it sex isn't everything
ProtoBuster_1 5
Y'know, I believe the people (who I know are women) saying this have obviously been dumped 'cause their boyfriends asked them to have sex and the women turned them down. I know sex isn't everything, but if someone is in a relationship where the both of them are engaging in sex and suddenly one of them puts a stop to it without the other's consent (no discussion about it at all), that person has the right to leave the relationship or (even though I hate saying it) sleep with someone else... I know it's not fair, but who said life was fair?
DameGreyWulf 1
I think your girlfriend might be too stupid to realize the difference between abstinence and chastity. Please investigate into that before jumping to conclusions... If she really does mean chastity, then you should dump her so you don't tempt her with your foul, lustful body! lol Or maybe we're reading the FML wrong? Maybe it's meant to imply he got dumped because she wants to be a nun now.
ProtoBuster_1 5
We don't know if they broke up because of this...
ProtoBuster_1 5
At any rate, I still believe he should find someone new...
DameGreyWulf 1
Well, yeaaaah that's why I said "maybe" I was simply suggesting it could mean that, not saying that it definitely meant that.
twiggly 0
Sex is a basic need. But like all basic needs, some people need it more then others. Like food, some people need more (ie. Athletes), some less (ie. Obese people shouldn't eat for a while..). Some people need sex to bring their hormones down a few notches every once in a while or they go insane. If my girlfriend of 6 years vowed abstinence...it better be no more then 1 month, or buh bye.
DameGreyWulf 1
Also, everyone whining about her not wanting sex, so what? Her choice, and he has no say on her body. It's not a "couples' decision" to stop having sex. That kind of shit leads to rape, you know. "I want to stop having sex for now" "I disagree and AM ******* you!" No. Like someone with sense pointed out though, he has a right to decide whether this is important to him or not too, and so he can leave her if he wants. Whether that makes him a pig or not depends on the situation, and their relationship.
ProtoBuster_1 5
@137: He invested 2 years of his life with her; that makes it a "couples' decision", not just hers. She was selfish for not talking to him about it beforehand; I still can't believe she waited till his birthday to tell him. "Honey, I think we should talk." "What's wrong? We're not breaking up, are we?" "No. I just feel that we should stop having sex... I want to become celibate." "Well... if that's how you feel, I love you and respect your decision." "Thank you." That's how I feel it should have gone.
DameGreyWulf 1
Yes, maybe she should have talked, but if she doesn't want to have sex he can't do anything about it. Again, it's HER body, not his.... What if he didn't want to stop? What then? You think she should keep doing it just because he said so...?
ProtoBuster_1 5
No, but then the OP would have the choice to stay or leave... And I agree with #80: We (men) love to have sex.
DameGreyWulf 1
I know he does... I already said that lol He has it regardless if she talked to him or not, regardless if she did this or not. Freedom's a great thing, eh
movies12 0
Wow #113 is the only person in the WORLD have I ever heard I HATE SEX! Your boyfriend must not be very good if u hate it.