Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML
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Top comments
Poke_my_mon 0
No Birthday sex? Aww buddy I feel so bad for you. Excuse me while I go have sex with my girlfriend.
Wdgames 0
I bet the Afro is involved in some kinky games, right?
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Comments (240)
jonny2x4 0
After two years, you now find out... "She's just not into you" I think she might be trying to force your hand to make you propose. Emotional blackmail. The way I see it, the front door may be off limits, but that doesn't mean the back door isn't.
romaunts 0
Meh, your life isn't ******. Stay with her if you love her, and let your hand be your new best friend until she comes around. If you don't care so much, dump her and find someone else to bone. -shrugs-
Ox_Baker 0
What was that line? "A maiden before and a martyr behind." Just roll her over and **** her in the ass.
Me27 0
So it's an FML for having a virtuous girlfriend? Yeah, poor you.
bbi5291 0
@#156, it is up to each individual to decide what "virtue" is for himself/herself. There are some fundamentalists who believe that it is acceptable to beat one's wife, you know? Who think that such an action would be "virtuous" because, in their minds, it would "keep her in line"? So if a woman were to come on here and post a FML about how her husband beat her... I might say, YDI to her perhaps for having married such an idiot, but if anyone posted "So it's an FML for having a virtuous girlfriend? Yeah, poor you.", wouldn't that be silly?
Ross_H 0
Tell her that you have decided to take a vow of singleness.
gjkees 0
time to find a new girlfriend.
triplethreat13 0
Oh poor you, your girlfriend has values and independence.
mike1921 0
I love how you say that like taking a vow of chastity automatically makes you more moral than someone who doesn't.
johnny_carmello 0
******* mare just get her drunk a lot i suppose is your best option then
ProtoBuster_1 5
Okay, on one side, we have those who believe the OP should break up with his girlfriend and find another woman (I'm one who believes that). On the other, we have those who believe he should respect her decision and stay with her. To those who think he should stay: you honestly think he should remain in a relationship where he will be unhappy? If you were in his shoes and your significant other dropped a bomb that after 2 or more years in a relationship, the sex ends ("no more nookie for you"), I know you'll feel the same as the OP did. As people on here have said, sex is a essential part of a loving relationship. The only way it's not part of it is if they have a platonic relationship or a marriage of convenience.
Roberto22 0
if there are any girls on here who say the person who wrote this is a horrible person or a 'typical' guy, they are clearly fat
nobitch 0
**** you where in the hell do you get off thinking that only fat women get played by assholes? what, you think no guy would ever be a douche to the cheerleader? what are you ******* stupid?
blo0_starZz 0
yeah? i never knew there were fat to-be models. hmm... (although, personally, they shud!! they hv curves ppl, & btr than ours :D)