Miscellaneous: Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my...

By bargainshopper - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

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Miscellaneous

Deadly cocktail

In-laws, in-fighting

Craft beer bores

By 4gottenmemories - United States

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

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By 12MONTHLEASE - United States

Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML

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By PntsLessWonder - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

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By Lolabunny - United States - Anaheim

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

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By woundedexwife - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

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By badhairday

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

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By lostmystuff - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

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By bronzemedal97 - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

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By Lysh

Today, my fiancé broke it off with me on our 3-year anniversary at 12:01 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Guess who gets to go to family gatherings where everyone will be asking where he is. FML

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By Julieworld - 24/4/2020 08:00

Recycling helps

Today, I was able to find the Facebook profile of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, for whom he left me for. I had been curious about who she was, and when I zoomed in on her profile pic of them together, I noticed she was wearing the ring he'd got me for Christmas and that I'd given back to him. FML

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By TooNoisy4Me - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

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By maybe next time? - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved back in with my parents in order to help them with the mortgage, so they don't lose the house that has been in our family for three generations. I also found out that I now have a curfew, and so does my husband and our 3 year old son. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML

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By PublicToiletEspionage - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

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By piliseep

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

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By great - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

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By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

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By mcmanager - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

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By diplomaless - United States

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

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By atmac95 - United States

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

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By smashyonewfloors - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Utica

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

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By lolzor - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

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By natasha - 1/7/2020 05:03

The void

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

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By ouch - Italy

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

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By changeddaily - Australia

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

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By Roselyn Cazares

Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML

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By HardTimes

Today, I came home from three months off the continent. My parents drove me home, and when we drove past our house, I assumed we were going for a welcome home supper. Instead, we drove to a dilapidated trailer and my parents said, "Welcome home." We used to live in a large, beautiful two-story house. FML

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By Savannah - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

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By notmine - India - New Delhi

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

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By Hlaalette - Belgium

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

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By Noname - Australia

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

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Top comments

By TaysDarkLust | 11

#5049259 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Why would you get a white one to begin with?

By flockz | 19

#5049282 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:01

i bet it was designed by a boardroom of men. we are such innovators sometimes!

COMMENTS

By KiRaKaT | 9

#5049257 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Bummer OP :( ! This is why i never wear white bathing suits!

ICastillo | 24

#5049316 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:10

Ya Op why do you think they use white t shirts in a wet t shirt contest.

domking1315 | 20

#5049319 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:11

Hmm lets buy them full-price from now on shall we?

blcksocks | 19

#5049348 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:19

This FML is an example where we all wish there was a picture option along with text ...

AZD0526 | 1

#5049461 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:09

what is OP??

DomDomxoxo | 16

#5049468 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:11

32: it's "ostrich penis"

poppyseed420 | 9

#5049478 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:18

There are a few with a picture option but no boobies

ICastillo | 24

#5049533 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:56

No #32 it Optimus Prime. Everyone knows that.

jep00 | 8

#5049536 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:56

Haha Ikr????

gc327072 | 29

#5049544 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:03

Eeeeyyyyyy sexy lady!

OP, OP, OP, OP, OP

See-through swimsuit style!

sens3sfailing | 24

#5049557 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:20

OP is organ planter.

laxbro4769 | 6

#5049560 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:23

You're a God...

itsharkley | 8

#5049660 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 22:32

Open punch
Odorous pus
Oedipus
Online post
Original poster
Orc piss

One of these

305Miami | 0

#5049845 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:07

I've seen this FML before.

sadh3 | 11

#5049889 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:18

32: Op stands for original poster.

jvmateo | 0

#5051374 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 6:32

When you read it and actually think "KillJoke Unoversity" is a real thing...

PinkieKeen | 20

#5051499 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 8:24

OP actually means Orange Peeler.

TheOnlyX | 11

#5052577 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:02

I have a feeling most people just sung that in their head.

gman90210 | 18

#5054944 - Thursday 18 October 2012 7:37

Damn right

FATTY_MCDOOGLE | 29

#5068773 - Monday 22 October 2012 21:50

It's implied that a white bikini is see-through.

Toasty283 | 8

#5438043 - Sunday 7 April 2013 3:07

Pics or it didn't happen.

arrow007archer | 19

#6139275 - Monday 8 December 2014 23:51

OP stands for Original Peanut

By TaysDarkLust | 11

#5049259 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Why would you get a white one to begin with?

smiliecat | 13

#5049376 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:28

White always makes me look more tan. So maybe OP was thinking the same? But I always run my swimsuits through water the first time before wearing them out just to make sure they aren't see through.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5049379 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:29

Because white is a symbol of purity and innocence... Oh wait.

crimsonprodigy | 15

#5049504 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:32

Cause of White Pow---

Yea I don't know about this....

305Miami | 0

#5049851 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:08

Ive read an fml like this, where the girl bought a stylish one but it gets see through when wet was weitten a little different, take this one off asshole mods

lexi365 | 20

#5051386 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 6:40

Most white bikinis are not meant to be seen through. Mine isn't.

jfotogs | 0

#5051848 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 11:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

TheOnlyX | 11

#5052308 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 15:21

Oh dear God.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#5049265 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

Lucky boys who were in the pool!

But embarrassing and awkward for you. That sucks OP.

winnerme123 | 8

#5049521 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:43

I wish I would have been there. :)

Nightwing98 | 22

#5049525 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:51

We need a pic to confirm this happened OP.

lucianaamelia | 21

#5049527 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:52

Get yer tits out for the boys!
Feel for you, but hope you were Brazilian:(

Tuffay | 14

#5049894 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:19

Waxed!!!

dragonfuego | 11

#5051103 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 3:39

As in dark nipples Brazilian?

Gregory607 | 1

#5051290 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 5:26

As in not hairy downstairs, Brazilian.

By jazzyjazz23 | 9

#5049269 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

You should've tested it out before wearing it in public op.

HanaFML | 10

#5050023 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 1:19

Not everyone remembers to do this. People make mistakes.

jazzyjazz23 | 9

#5050051 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 1:35

Obviously, otherwise she wouldn't have posted this FML.

By RayearthNinja | 10

#5049270 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

This is the sole reason I don't wear white in general

Enslaved | 36

#5049373 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:28

I rarely wear white, myself. Only 'cause I'm klutzy and end up with Ex: red wine stains on my clothes. ):

The_F3rris | 11

#5052586 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:06

I wear white only on spring break.

By Applepants | 4

#5049280 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:00

At least you aren't on your period. *Shivers*

badbadkitty | 5

#5049542 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:02

That would have been a MUCH more embarrassing FML: Today, I wore my new white bikini and Aunt Flo decided to a make an angry appearance.... While I flashed the whole pool due to the opacity of my bargain suit. FML