Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my...

By bargainshopper - 16/10/2012 11:28 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Business savvy

Thanks, I'm cured!

By busted - 25/9/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

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By almost broke - 21/2/2016 13:24 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

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By shawty_x - 26/4/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2016 21:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

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By notyourparkingspot - 25/5/2017 16:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

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By Foster_Em - 4/7/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

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By dBLIZZARD - 9/6/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, I gave my two weeks notice at work. My boss sighed with relief and muttered, "Thank God." FML

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By idontwanttoknow - 16/6/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

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By anonymous - 22/1/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2020 02:00

Invaded

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

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By Helpful Smile - 26/1/2016 02:56 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

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By kipper - 22/7/2019 12:00

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

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By love you too honey boo - 13/1/2020 05:00

Dirty room

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

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By Username - 14/8/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

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By texasbest - 2/9/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

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By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 20:27 - United States

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

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By moo... - 18/5/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

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By Gullible - 25/2/2013 06:10 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

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By Anna - 6/1/2012 11:25 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

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By Kirstie Campbell - 8/6/2020 08:08

Ups and downs

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 02:00 - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

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By iross - 23/10/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 15:02 - Australia - Mangerton

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML

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By pyook - 6/9/2018 23:30

My Bucket

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

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By mariokarter - 28/8/2009 04:41 - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

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By cantprovenothing - 18/4/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

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By Oh God - 24/5/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

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By ForeverLost - 26/3/2020 20:21

Together, forever

Today, my wife asked me for a divorce, shortly after I found out she's been having an affair. Then our county placed us on quarantine for Covid-19. Now I'm stuck living with her until it goes away. FML

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By JEalmon12 - 23/5/2019 12:00

Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML

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By wimp - 15/8/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

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By SailorVenus93 - 29/10/2019 20:00

Giddy approval!

Today, I got so ecstatic about getting approved for a credit card that I made myself sick. I guess my first ever purchase will be TUMS and some Ginger Ale. FML

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By jitterbug - 2/1/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

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Top comments

By TaysDarkLust | 11

#5049259 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Why would you get a white one to begin with?

By flockz | 19

#5049282 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:01

i bet it was designed by a boardroom of men. we are such innovators sometimes!

COMMENTS

By KiRaKaT | 9

#5049257 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Bummer OP :( ! This is why i never wear white bathing suits!

ICastillo | 24

#5049316 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:10

Ya Op why do you think they use white t shirts in a wet t shirt contest.

domking1315 | 20

#5049319 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:11

Hmm lets buy them full-price from now on shall we?

blcksocks | 19

#5049348 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:19

This FML is an example where we all wish there was a picture option along with text ...

AZD0526 | 1

#5049461 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:09

what is OP??

DomDomxoxo | 16

#5049468 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:11

32: it's "ostrich penis"

poppyseed420 | 9

#5049478 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:18

There are a few with a picture option but no boobies

ICastillo | 24

#5049533 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:56

No #32 it Optimus Prime. Everyone knows that.

jep00 | 8

#5049536 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:56

Haha Ikr????

gc327072 | 29

#5049544 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:03

Eeeeyyyyyy sexy lady!

OP, OP, OP, OP, OP

See-through swimsuit style!

sens3sfailing | 24

#5049557 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:20

OP is organ planter.

laxbro4769 | 6

#5049560 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:23

You're a God...

itsharkley | 8

#5049660 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 22:32

Open punch
Odorous pus
Oedipus
Online post
Original poster
Orc piss

One of these

305Miami | 0

#5049845 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:07

I've seen this FML before.

sadh3 | 11

#5049889 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:18

32: Op stands for original poster.

jvmateo | 0

#5051374 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 6:32

When you read it and actually think "KillJoke Unoversity" is a real thing...

PinkieKeen | 20

#5051499 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 8:24

OP actually means Orange Peeler.

TheOnlyX | 11

#5052577 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:02

I have a feeling most people just sung that in their head.

gman90210 | 18

#5054944 - Thursday 18 October 2012 7:37

Damn right

FATTY_MCDOOGLE | 29

#5068773 - Monday 22 October 2012 21:50

It's implied that a white bikini is see-through.

Toasty283 | 8

#5438043 - Sunday 7 April 2013 3:07

Pics or it didn't happen.

arrow007archer | 19

#6139275 - Monday 8 December 2014 23:51

OP stands for Original Peanut

By TaysDarkLust | 11

#5049259 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Why would you get a white one to begin with?

smiliecat | 13

#5049376 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:28

White always makes me look more tan. So maybe OP was thinking the same? But I always run my swimsuits through water the first time before wearing them out just to make sure they aren't see through.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5049379 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:29

Because white is a symbol of purity and innocence... Oh wait.

crimsonprodigy | 15

#5049504 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:32

Cause of White Pow---

Yea I don't know about this....

305Miami | 0

#5049851 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:08

Ive read an fml like this, where the girl bought a stylish one but it gets see through when wet was weitten a little different, take this one off asshole mods

lexi365 | 20

#5051386 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 6:40

Most white bikinis are not meant to be seen through. Mine isn't.

jfotogs | 0

#5051848 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 11:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

TheOnlyX | 11

#5052308 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 15:21

Oh dear God.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#5049265 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

Lucky boys who were in the pool!

But embarrassing and awkward for you. That sucks OP.

winnerme123 | 8

#5049521 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:43

I wish I would have been there. :)

Nightwing98 | 22

#5049525 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:51

We need a pic to confirm this happened OP.

lucianaamelia | 21

#5049527 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:52

Get yer tits out for the boys!
Feel for you, but hope you were Brazilian:(

Tuffay | 14

#5049894 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:19

Waxed!!!

dragonfuego | 11

#5051103 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 3:39

As in dark nipples Brazilian?

Gregory607 | 1

#5051290 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 5:26

As in not hairy downstairs, Brazilian.

By jazzyjazz23 | 9

#5049269 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

You should've tested it out before wearing it in public op.

HanaFML | 10

#5050023 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 1:19

Not everyone remembers to do this. People make mistakes.

jazzyjazz23 | 9

#5050051 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 1:35

Obviously, otherwise she wouldn't have posted this FML.

By RayearthNinja | 10

#5049270 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

This is the sole reason I don't wear white in general

Enslaved | 36

#5049373 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:28

I rarely wear white, myself. Only 'cause I'm klutzy and end up with Ex: red wine stains on my clothes. ):

The_F3rris | 11

#5052586 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:06

I wear white only on spring break.

By Applepants | 4

#5049280 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:00

At least you aren't on your period. *Shivers*

badbadkitty | 5

#5049542 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:02

That would have been a MUCH more embarrassing FML: Today, I wore my new white bikini and Aunt Flo decided to a make an angry appearance.... While I flashed the whole pool due to the opacity of my bargain suit. FML