Miscellaneous: Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my...

By bargainshopper - 16/10/2012 11:28 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 723

You deserved it 12 839

Miscellaneous

Triage

Leave us alone

Operation time!

By Sweeney - 20/05/2009 17:54 - United States

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 924

You deserved it 76 161

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 2 591

By Cristie - 30/09/2011 05:01 - Canada

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 377

You deserved it 3 509

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 13:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 000

You deserved it 13 895

By brokenhearted - 19/01/2016 14:59 - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I told my boyfriend he's the only good thing left in my life. That's not a healthy relationship dynamic, he said, and ended up breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 962

You deserved it 3 545

By baldspot - 02/04/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 2 853

By M.L. - 06/09/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 393

You deserved it 12 738

Shot from both sides

By hannah - 18/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was yelled at by multiple people at work for not wearing any makeup. The only reason I don’t wear makeup is because my mom is guaranteed to make me cry before I leave the house every morning, so there’s no point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 714

You deserved it 3 057

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, while e-mailing my dream college, I noticed you can see other people's profile pictures when I saw a lady I've met before. I've been using this e-mail account to communicate with all the colleges and universities. My profile picture is baby Elmo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 4 286

By anonymous - 13/02/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 030

You deserved it 2 962

By MsConfusedd - 09/08/2012 14:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 722

You deserved it 1 926

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 426

You deserved it 3 965

By Fatty - 06/03/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 116

You deserved it 6 185

By nerd - 18/06/2009 14:15 - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 300

You deserved it 76 101

By Freechbear - 17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 2 780

By forgotten - 28/02/2013 00:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 3 971

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 630

You deserved it 9 433

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 666

You deserved it 2 590

The Good Grandson

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 21:10

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 186

By depressed - 10/03/2013 02:05 - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 137

You deserved it 4 036

By englishclasshigh - 10/09/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 533

You deserved it 7 501

By baddormgirl - 19/02/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 312

You deserved it 47 645

By twistedelegance - 19/07/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 140

By brigitte - 27/06/2013 17:35 - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 239

You deserved it 3 092

By meohmy - 31/03/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 798

You deserved it 6 007

By Pho_Rheal - 25/09/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 790

You deserved it 3 541

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 2 192

By browngirl - 29/09/2013 04:16 - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 793

You deserved it 4 940

By Eve - 25/08/2017 13:00

Today, I learned that there's a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 719

You deserved it 307

By oh for f*cks sake - 20/03/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 751

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 23:25 - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 821

By EnglishLearner - 09/11/2012 16:23 - Switzerland - Mannedorf

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 757

You deserved it 8 076

By Anonymous - 18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 955

You deserved it 638

By jusfonzin - 16/04/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 879

You deserved it 56 012

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 658

You deserved it 35 086

Communication Breakdown

By loling - 25/02/2010 09:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out a guy I had a thing with a while back thinks I am obsessed with him. This is because when he said that we should be friends, I stupidly thought he was being sincere and bothered to call him all of three times in the last five months. Clearly a sign of obsession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 403

You deserved it 3 845

By burned - 04/11/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 063

You deserved it 2 529

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 20:30 - United States

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 472

You deserved it 2 762

Smells like victory

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 338

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Top comments

TaysDarkLust 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Why would you get a white one to begin with?

flockz 19

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:01

i bet it was designed by a boardroom of men. we are such innovators sometimes!

KiRaKaT 9

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Bummer OP :( ! This is why i never wear white bathing suits!

ICastillo 24

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:10

Ya Op why do you think they use white t shirts in a wet t shirt contest.

domking1315 20

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:11

Hmm lets buy them full-price from now on shall we?

blcksocks 19

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:19

This FML is an example where we all wish there was a picture option along with text ...

AZD0526 1

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:09

what is OP??

DomDomxoxo 16

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:11

32: it's "ostrich penis"

poppyseed420 9

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:18

There are a few with a picture option but no boobies

ICastillo 24

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:56

No #32 it Optimus Prime. Everyone knows that.

jep00 8

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:56

Haha Ikr????

gc327072 30

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:03

Eeeeyyyyyy sexy lady! OP, OP, OP, OP, OP See-through swimsuit style!

sens3sfailing 24

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:20

OP is organ planter.

laxbro4769 6

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:23

You're a God...

itsharkley 8

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 22:32

Open punch Odorous pus Oedipus Online post Original poster Orc piss One of these

305Miami 0

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:07

I've seen this FML before.

sadh3 11

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:18

32: Op stands for original poster.

jvmateo 0

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 6:32

When you read it and actually think "KillJoke Unoversity" is a real thing...

PinkieKeen 20

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 8:24

OP actually means Orange Peeler.

TheOnlyX 11

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:02

I have a feeling most people just sung that in their head.

gman90210 18

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Thursday 18 October 2012 7:37

Damn right

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

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Monday 22 October 2012 21:50

It's implied that a white bikini is see-through.

Toasty283 8

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Sunday 7 April 2013 3:07

Pics or it didn't happen.

arrow007archer 19

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Monday 8 December 2014 23:51

OP stands for Original Peanut

TaysDarkLust 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:58

Why would you get a white one to begin with?

smiliecat 13

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:28

White always makes me look more tan. So maybe OP was thinking the same? But I always run my swimsuits through water the first time before wearing them out just to make sure they aren't see through.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:29

Because white is a symbol of purity and innocence... Oh wait.

crimsonprodigy 15

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:32

Cause of White Pow--- Yea I don't know about this....

305Miami 0

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:08

Ive read an fml like this, where the girl bought a stylish one but it gets see through when wet was weitten a little different, take this one off asshole mods

lexi365 20

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 6:40

Most white bikinis are not meant to be seen through. Mine isn't.

jfotogs 0

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 11:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

TheOnlyX 11

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 15:21

Oh dear God.

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

Lucky boys who were in the pool! But embarrassing and awkward for you. That sucks OP.

winnerme123 8

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:43

I wish I would have been there. :)

Nightwing98 22

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:51

We need a pic to confirm this happened OP.

lucianaamelia 21

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 20:52

Get yer tits out for the boys! Feel for you, but hope you were Brazilian:(

Tuffay 14

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 0:19

Waxed!!!

dragonfuego 11

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 3:39

As in dark nipples Brazilian?

Gregory607 1

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 5:26

As in not hairy downstairs, Brazilian.

jazzyjazz23 9

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

You should've tested it out before wearing it in public op.

HanaFML 10

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 1:19

Not everyone remembers to do this. People make mistakes.

jazzyjazz23 9

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 1:35

Obviously, otherwise she wouldn't have posted this FML.

RayearthNinja 10

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

This is the sole reason I don't wear white in general

Enslaved 36

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:28

I rarely wear white, myself. Only 'cause I'm klutzy and end up with Ex: red wine stains on my clothes. ):

The_F3rris 11

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:06

I wear white only on spring break.

Applepants 4

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 19:00

At least you aren't on your period. *Shivers*

badbadkitty 5

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 21:02

That would have been a MUCH more embarrassing FML: Today, I wore my new white bikini and Aunt Flo decided to a make an angry appearance.... While I flashed the whole pool due to the opacity of my bargain suit. FML