Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Poke_my_mon 0
No Birthday sex? Aww buddy I feel so bad for you. Excuse me while I go have sex with my girlfriend.
Wdgames 0
I bet the Afro is involved in some kinky games, right?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (240)
Uepari 0
Sons of bitches! I like your girlfriend. She's a keeper. I took a vow of chastisy before I got married, and then on my wedding night, when my wife was stripping me down, she asked how many girls I'd done it with. When I said she was the first, you should have seen the look on her face. Combine glee, shock, respect, and love and you've just about got it.
tbagg74 0
ya but when you sucked at it and came too quickly she gave you a look of disappointment and the fact that she didnt even kno that til after u got married shows how uncomfortable you are with each other are you divorced yet because if you're marrying a girl that you can't even talk about sex with there's somehting wrong there.
themixedt4pe 0
#60, I thought there was something called "third base" that would have fixed at least half of that problem. Silly me.
mike1921 0
She's a keeper just because she's not having sex with him?
B00_fml 0
Obviously you're just another asshole who thinks with his dick. You don't deserve her. FHL not yours.
microtrd 0
We all think with our dicks. It's genetics, the way the human species continues. You'll probably think with your ovaries when you grow up.
kawa_fml 0
That's a pretty sucky birthday present. haha. Seriously though. Despite the fact that I'm all for staying chaste and waiting until marriage and what not (and by that I mean I think it's a good idea, not that everyone should do it because I think so) it sort of sounds to me like she's screwing with you. If you already had a sexual relationship, shouldn't the sanctity of your love and the relationship mean more than whatever personal religious phase she's going through right now? It's one thing if she's planning on completely turning her life around, and trying to change into someone she truly believes is better. (if that's the case, than she'll more likely than not break up with you, just for the hell of it. Trust me, I've been there) But if she's just following the purity ring fad, or trying to gage how devoted you are to her, than I think it's time to move on and find someone who'll at least get you something nice for your birthday.
halliekinze1014 0
honestly, i dont think you should have put this on fml. learn how to keep it in your pants. theres nothing wrong with someone who wants to take a vow of chastity, yeah, it sucks that she told you this on your bday but if you thinks its such a big deal then you must be a horndog. she thinks its right, and its not all about you.
Tubasaurus 0
So wanting sex = horndog? Sex is a meaningful part of any relationship. No it's not absolutely required, but it is still meaningful. What she has done is put sex completely off limits for him until they break up or they get married, and she made this decision long after they started dating.
WaterMouse 0
cheer up buddy. I'm sure she wasn't good looking anyway
Occam 0
lol awesome
mina_8 0
I don't see how this is an FML. It's your girlfriend's decision, it's something very personal. If you break up with her because she won't have sex with you that means you didn't really love her to begin with. It means all you want is sex.
microtrd 0
Actually it means he doesn't want to date her anymore. Whether or not he loves her is up to him, not you. I don't know many adults who would be ok with this. Chances are, this is a child who doesn't know enough about real healthy relationships to even comment. Life is not black and white, good and evil. It's about shades of gray, and finding a way to make it through the day.
lets_be_ian 5
Wanting sex in a relationship that has gone on for two years and, presumable by the shock he displays at the chastity vow, has had sex in the past, is not a bad thing. Sex is one of the very few things that elevates true love over friendship, it is what connects you intimately and bonds you to a person that makes them mean more to you than almost anyone else in the world. loosing something like this after two years and being upset about it does not qualify him for an asshole who only wants sex... just an average human male in a long term relationship. I feel that you have a lot to learn about guys and their views on sex in committed relationships... which in point of fact do differ quite a bit from their views on sex in general. love is a funny lil thing like that.
mina_8 0
I'm sorry if I came across the wrong way. I've always personally been against premarital sex, and so I was a little upset seeing everyone criticizing this girl for taking a vow of chastity. I would also like to say that the fml doesn't mention his age, nor does it say whether he has had sex with this girl, or a girl in the past, so it is hard to tell if he's just upset because he'll have to wait for it, or if he's upset because she's telling him he can't have it anymore. I shouldn't have jumped to a conclusion here, with no background information.
Wololo 0
When a boyfriend/girlfriend out of the blue makes a vow of "chastity", alarm bells should go off immediately. You've been seeing her for a while now and all of a sudden she doesn't want sex? I would be suspicious.
microtrd 0
We like sex. We date girls to get sex. Otherwise we'd just hang out with our dude friends all ******* day, work on our cars, play video games or sports. Eat my ass. If you don't think we love our girlfriends, you're a moron. We do love them. We just also love sex.
ILoveAsianGirls 0
FYL? F her life for having a dumbass boyfriend who doesn't respect her choices, then chooses to publicly demean her by posting it on a public site. OP is a dick, and should probably suck a fat one.
bbi5291 0
@#75. OP did not reveal his identity or the identity of his girlfriend. If I were to meet OP's girlfriend, I would have no idea that she was the one to whom OP was referring in this FML. I see no reason why the OP should not be allowed to share his experiences with the online community. Furthermore, whether or not a post is demeaning is subject to the opinion of readers. If I were to post on MyLifeIsG that my brother got a nice scholarship for some prestigious university (such an anecdote would probably not be accepted, but it's just for the sake of illustration), there might be a reader who has a negative attitude toward education in general and voices his/her opinion about how he's stockpiling useless and elitist knowledge while being a drain on the economy by taking the university's money rather than going out and working. Would that make me demeaning? No. Facts are facts; OP stated the facts, and they do not infringe upon anyone's right to privacy (as I argued above), otherwise I am sure the FML staff would not have approved this FML. What's the matter here?
deafgirlwalking 0
I would dump the prude! two years and suddenly she's the virgin mary? **** her.
BlackJewel 0
lol yeah wtf?