Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML
Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML
Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML
Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML
Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
You, sir, are a wimp. I'm not sure you are ready for solid food -- ask Momma to pop out her titty for you.
remy3106 10
u must have really wanted that cookie?!
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Comments (134)
diirty_brunette 0
Please tell me you did it in front of their mother?! :)
karpyykidd 0
Wanna ******* cookie?
diirty_brunette 0
Ha! You're my hero of the day.. I typically only kill people in front of their moms for CUPCAKES... never done it for a cookie, or even a Klondike Bar.. Lol.
diirty_brunette 0
Do I want to know?
diirty_brunette 0
Do I at least get a cupcake before my impending death? :)
Snerdatron 0
You'd be surprised how strong they are.
lightning7 0
well you could've driven to a store and had a WHOLE cookie pack
diirty_brunette 0
My reply got lost in the mix.. Grrr... Whatever.. I'll repeat. Lol. I'm gonna live on the prayer that you drop me a crumb or a sprinkle before I die. Lol
strawberrybanana_fml 1
...wait...ALL THAT FOR A COOKIE?? hehe it's more funny than suckish!
lindseytaylor201 0
pathetic. fail. ydi.