Health: Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little...

By Connor - United States

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

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Health

Late term

Childfree

Please like me

By Breadline single mom - 26/12/2020 19:56

"Life is unfair…"

Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

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25150

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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31740

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By Misunderstood - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

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36896

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By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Toxic people

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1039

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158

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bromley

Testing times

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

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27070

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By FartMyLife - United States - Brooklyn

Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML

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14872

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By Kingofbosses - United States

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

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50397

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

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37592

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By toobad - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

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By diesel444 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

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36716

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By Single Sally - United States - Brandon

For what occasion

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me "a ring." Oh no, not an "engagement ring." He gave me a "ring to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

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2424

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By Voltron - United States

Today, I have to go on a diet, because I can't afford to buy bigger clothes. FML

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13740

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By Imrickar - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

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43095

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By Anonymous - Norway - Haugesund

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

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38451

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 05:01

That's… a strange coincidence

Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML

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By KICKxASSxNINJA - 26/9/2020 08:02 - United States - Fresno

Believe her next time

Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML

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958

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153

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2021 08:01

Spook Magook

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

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By avocadotoe - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

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9140

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By Anonymous

Take a number

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

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1431

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By lonelyashell - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

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24837

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By damngotkik

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to use an electric sander on my arm during our construction class. FML

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4739

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kingston

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

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30331

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By Anonymous - United States

So that's what the smell was!

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 17:01

None of your business

Today, I told my mom my husband and I were considering having another baby. She said, "No!" about 30 times. Then later she texted me that she insists on no more kids. I guess I will never have that bonding moment with her. FML

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851

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By Whoopsx99 - United States

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

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13786

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

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43181

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By SoCalStoopid - United States

Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML

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33856

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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23324

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By trees - United States - Waupaca

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48239

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By intheairtonight - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28543

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By Anonymous - United States - Coraopolis

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

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50225

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By Me - United States

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

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28479

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By oops - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

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29108

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By epicfail - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

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24532

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By Gracie-Ann - United States - Portland

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

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56595

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By Emoney1 - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31987

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By Anonymous

Looks

Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51651

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By mountainmetal983

The serpentine movement of life

Today, the serpentine belt broke on my truck a mile away from work, 30 minutes before I needed to be there. This caused me to be 45 minutes late. I got written up for being late. The tow truck then took my truck to the wrong mechanic shop. Now I have to pay another tow truck bill to get it to the right shop. FML

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1529

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Top comments

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1891498 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:04

XD how old?
Materialistic kiddo.

By Imaginaryalbot | 0

#1891500 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:04

Merry christmas!

COMMENTS

By gorina | 0

#1891496 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:04

Sorry :c

fakeaccountX | 6

#1891508 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:06

Some guys just can't handle Christmas.

IndianForLife | 0

#1891598 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:52

YDI for not being an Indian.

mylifestinks101 | 0

#2495196 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:49

haha so true

firedude266 | 5

#2635540 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:06

lol i love christmas

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1891498 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:04

XD how old?
Materialistic kiddo.

By Imaginaryalbot | 0

#1891500 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:04

Merry christmas!

Leeber | 0

#1896808 - Monday 27 December 2010 17:57

you are the apple of my eye. ;)

By Hockaday | 0

#1891502 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:05

:( remember that next year when shopping for presents

By randomchickkk | 0

#1891504 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:05

why weren't you as excited?

iJasper | 8

#2860353 - Sunday 10 July 2011 10:00

Probably 17?

jwp0211 | 17

#4854663 - Friday 24 August 2012 6:45

That means nothing

By fruitycheerios | 0

#1891520 - Sunday 26 December 2010 0:11

you deserve it. you should be stronger then him. :p

Bano360 | 25

#1891767 - Sunday 26 December 2010 2:16

Actually it's very easy to be pushed down the stairs asshole

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1892124 - Sunday 26 December 2010 5:29

Actually it's called get a sense of humor asshole.

backdownbreh | 0

#1892163 - Sunday 26 December 2010 5:46

#24 your the type of person that makes this world bad

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1892180 - Sunday 26 December 2010 5:52

39- I'm going to sweetly and subtly mention that your 'your' should be a 'you're' before a rude grammar-nazi does. You're welcome and Merry Christmas!