Work: Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost.... - FML

By Disappointed - 31/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 415

You deserved it 9 786

Good kid

Empathy lives

We need to know more!

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 996

You deserved it 26 197

By tumblrinas_at_work - 02/05/2015 08:04 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 717

You deserved it 2 957

By LittleFriend - 30/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 864

You deserved it 282

By darn it. - 20/02/2009 16:16 - United States

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 4 138

By laywer_man - 07/03/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 981

You deserved it 51 750

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 13:27 - Netherlands

Today, I was walking with the dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling another friend came by, and we went talking for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone in the water instead of his stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 584

You deserved it 41 885

By Anonymous - 16/09/2018 12:30 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington DC an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 548

You deserved it 172

By Pissedoffwife - 07/07/2019 14:00

Today, our dishwasher broke. It's my husband's chore to do the dishes, but he refused to hand-wash them, and instead suggested we take them all up to his mother's for her to put in her dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 202

By secret dancer - 16/08/2011 16:55 - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 401

You deserved it 11 323

Grandma's here!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 14:00

Today, my mother-in-law was so rabid to meet her first grandson, she didn’t just nudge me aside to get to the delivery room, she two-hand shoved me in the chest so I flew backwards and down a flight of stairs. I’m now in a neck brace for a hairline crack to my vertebrae and can’t pick up my own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 60

By smith - 28/01/2012 03:13 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 383

You deserved it 57 729

By Seriouslynow - 22/05/2016 17:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 866

You deserved it 3 003

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 411

You deserved it 16 078

By R2A8 - 01/03/2019 04:00 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 277

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 17:30

Today, my husband cancelled our internet and cable package because we’re having money problems. I work from home and need the internet to do so. I guess getting a job of his own wasn’t an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 759

You deserved it 307

Zoomers zooming

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 675

By manderpander21 - 17/03/2015 00:56 - United States - Bronx

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 3 593

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 874

You deserved it 4 601

By silkysmooth - 31/10/2011 23:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 805

You deserved it 5 464

By fucking pissants - 13/07/2012 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 2 882

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 18:03 - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 11 177

By yingyang2 - 06/01/2011 02:19 - United States

Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 4 974

By smooth - 21/11/2013 16:10 - United States

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 532

You deserved it 13 985

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 22:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 970

You deserved it 2 110

Cowboy contractors

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 05:01

Today, my recently built semi-detached house is so cheap and shoddily put together, I can both hear and feel the vibrations of my grossly obese neighbour farting in her sleep. No joke, every time she farts, I feel it vibrating my bed frame through the floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 145

By michellenKG - 23/01/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 114

You deserved it 2 629

By ladylol - 24/11/2012 13:54 - United Kingdom - Towcester

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 075

You deserved it 12 462

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 16:33

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 386

You deserved it 922

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 519

You deserved it 7 184

By Mandy - 22/12/2014 21:36 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 2 422

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 22:50 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 947

You deserved it 1 935

Don't feed the trolls

By pathetic - 23/04/2012 22:06 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote, "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 155

You deserved it 56 308

Who are you?

By forgotten - 02/10/2009 07:46 - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 427

You deserved it 2 816

By disappointed - 07/06/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 595

You deserved it 5 817

By JD300 - 22/12/2009 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 972

You deserved it 3 915

By Username - 03/06/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 933

You deserved it 59 855

Idiocracy

By Faith - 09/02/2021 11:01

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 101

By Employee - 07/08/2012 19:17 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 383

You deserved it 12 575

By Anon - 07/05/2011 06:08 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 489

You deserved it 62 200

Diblo's story

By Diblo - 28/11/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 201

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

wowthatshorrible_fml 0

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:24

that is the most badass kid ever

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:25

Are you scrawny? (: maybe he takes steroids. it happens.

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:21

:| bad luck maybe?

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 13:15

bad luck? Op- Whytf were u arm wrestling a child at school and what teacher allowed it to happen? You might be on the younger side but it's still creepy.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 13:21

don't mess with today's kids they have guns. literally they have guns

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 13:21

You're creepy for thinking it's creepy.^

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 14:36

19 win

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 15:11

19, you aren't very punny. Would you like some vintage wine to go with your cheesy jokes?

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 15:23

16- My police officer at our school has put a kid in handcuffs and walked down the hall screaming at him just to scare one of our teachers. XD Officer Lloyd, This one's for you.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 15:48

Op should just say he let him win (:

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 20:13

dude that guy got freakin PWNed

Send a private message

Monday 1 November 2010 0:54

What are you doing wresting a 14 year old is your 23?

Send a private message

Monday 1 November 2010 3:44

So let me get this straight, instead of doing your job, you were arm wrestling children? Qualified? I think not!

Send a private message

Monday 1 November 2010 10:00

well atleast he know where he can get a job.

Send a private message

Thursday 15 January 2015 5:55

How is arm wrestling creepy?

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:23

maybe you should reconsider your job haha

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:58

lmao..

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 18:02

no need, he'll get fired soon

Send a private message

Sunday 20 March 2011 15:46

true. but he'll prolly just get fired...(:

wowthatshorrible_fml 0

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:24

that is the most badass kid ever

Send a private message

Monday 1 November 2010 7:56

wat ! I was doin wrestling a few days ago. I versed a 23 year old a few days ago this is wierrdddd !

Send a private message

Monday 1 November 2010 17:27

I call bullshit, 102

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 November 2010 8:10

109- agree (;^^^

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 November 2011 17:06

agree with 209, and creepy dude.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:24

get a gym membership, have a rematch with him in a couple of months time

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:25

Are you scrawny? (: maybe he takes steroids. it happens.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:26

Punch him in the face.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:36

Kids aren't as "'armless" as they seem!

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 14:05

...

LittleMissSusie 0

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 16:17

Hardy har har.

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:40

I'm guessing now your job is going to be replaced by this kid now =]

azzaj 0

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:53

Why were you wrestling with 14 year olds? :/

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 14:41

that's what I'd like to know

Send a private message

Saturday 8 September 2012 5:19

Security guards in my high school did that all the time, it's for fun and kids who wanna seem bad ass or prove themselves xD, never seen a security guard lose though, must've been funny

Send a private message

Sunday 31 October 2010 12:53

haha your weak ... get a new job or gym membership

mrlawlor7777 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 21:38

I enjoyed this comment, but it should be you're weak.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 831

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 057