Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally...

By toothbreaker - 21/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 248

Hiding from the drama

Size zero

Grateful

By perfectman - 12/06/2012 10:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 218

You deserved it 8 337

By Simon - 30/12/2008 11:14 - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 126

You deserved it 53 394

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 960

You deserved it 44 435

By dan - 25/01/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 400

You deserved it 4 578

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 93 151

By miss Suzanne - 14/09/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 414

You deserved it 9 581

By NoName - 03/12/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, we had my school musical. The girls have to wear long skirts. I had a thong on, and while we were dancing the guy behind me stepped on my skirt. It fell to my ankles... the whole audience saw my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 582

You deserved it 19 075

By Jasmine_smilee - 02/09/2013 06:47 - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 8 891

By racist - 15/10/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 156

You deserved it 3 635

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 12:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 823

You deserved it 23 161

By Michael978 - 29/04/2016 03:40

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 801

You deserved it 1 060

By hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 582

You deserved it 4 976

By gracelynn980765 - 27/06/2019 12:30

Today, it was the third time in a row someone has lost a boner inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 441

You deserved it 588

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 3 861

TW: Gross

By mpfrost153 - 01/11/2021 12:00 - United States

Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 97

By hadrienne's pall - 13/05/2016 19:25 - Canada - Markham

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 907

You deserved it 4 241

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 157

You deserved it 529

By firewait - 13/05/2009 00:23 - Canada

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 516

You deserved it 80 020

By out of the closet - 26/04/2016 00:22 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 768

You deserved it 1 520

Big bastard boss

By noporn4u - 03/10/2020 19:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 104

By Jim - 09/10/2017 13:00

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 278

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 15/06/2011 13:37 - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 089

You deserved it 3 288

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 22:35 - Italy - Milan

Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 644

You deserved it 47 974

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

By helen_ - 23/04/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 377

You deserved it 6 027

By Anonymous - 16/04/2017 08:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 321

You deserved it 319

By unknown - 27/02/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 345

You deserved it 2 960

Forever Alone

By West of the day - 22/09/2020 05:01

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 336

Poker Face

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 23:04

Today, I have to get a thyroid ultrasound. I'm a 25 year-old cancer survivor; it took amputating my left leg to beat the last one. My doctor has dealt with my hypochondria for years, long enough to know his face when I should be worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 59

Cynophobia

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 04:01

Today, my new boyfriend is so scared of dogs that he won’t even go in the room where my new puppy's bed is, so even on the days when he’s at home not working, I still have to pay the lad next door to come round and let it into the garden for a pee, because he’s too scared to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 657

By TimeForANewJob - 16/01/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 931

You deserved it 705

Empathy lives

By Natasha9 - 22/05/2021 20:01

Today, my mom walked in on me crying in my room and yelled at me for being a "weak little crybaby." I’d just found out my best friend died in a car accident. When I told my mom that, she said, "Does it look like I fucking care?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 104

By Anon - 14/11/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 3 248

By Dafawk - 19/06/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 241

You deserved it 6 453

By Soap0015 - 16/08/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 108

You deserved it 2 791

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 19:13 - United States - Summerfield

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 380

You deserved it 2 755

By Schrewt - 24/01/2010 08:50 - France

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 561

You deserved it 3 150

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 352

You deserved it 6 347

Confused

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 14:31 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 889

By GTR - 02/06/2011 01:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 3 316

By Makala - 03/12/2011 08:15 - Egypt

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 161

You deserved it 35 936

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 August 2019 16:24

Things should be ok, just as long as he believes it was “accidental.” Our little secret, heh-heh-heh ;)

alycion 38

Send a private message

Thursday 22 August 2019 2:37

Only two? I’ve seen guys pick their teeth up off of the ice, go in the back to get the bleeding to stop, and be back out in time for the next shift. It could have been worse.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 August 2019 16:24

Things should be ok, just as long as he believes it was “accidental.” Our little secret, heh-heh-heh ;)

alycion 38

Send a private message

Thursday 22 August 2019 2:37

Only two? I’ve seen guys pick their teeth up off of the ice, go in the back to get the bleeding to stop, and be back out in time for the next shift. It could have been worse.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 496

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 730