Health: Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured...

By wintersoldier - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24967

You deserved it

2353

Favorite

Health

Race against the clock

Gas giant

Get the message, dude

By Alohaporno - Canada

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16270

You deserved it

32012

Favorite

By sadgirl - Netherlands

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22881

You deserved it

4336

Favorite

By flipflop - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44168

You deserved it

7403

Favorite

By kat, ACT - United States

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27414

You deserved it

11620

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bloomfield

Are you OK?

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15777

You deserved it

1561

Favorite

By anonymous - France

Today, I found out the hard way that if you think a waiter is hot, you probably shouldn't tell your parents. They could react by screaming at him across the room to tell him you think he's a hottie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31807

You deserved it

16288

Favorite

By unluckymiss - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29501

You deserved it

4331

Favorite

By why? - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32876

You deserved it

6404

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 02:03

Explain that one

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1254

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48643

You deserved it

3303

Favorite

By PissedOff

Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4696

You deserved it

460

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56876

You deserved it

5525

Favorite

By Cuntface McGee - Romania - Dej

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39772

You deserved it

18517

Favorite

By sickyandiknowit - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35016

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

By Fuckit - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42386

You deserved it

6236

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14874

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1703

Favorite

By Ann - United States

Works out well

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51350

You deserved it

9192

Favorite

By kimhinesvoinea - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16400

You deserved it

43540

Favorite

By omaha24 - 29/4/2020 02:00

Birthday blues

Today, my loneliness pushed me to buy a pack of cigarettes just so I had to show my ID to the clerk, hoping he would wish me a happy birthday. I don't even smoke and he didn't say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

486

Favorite

By horriblegf - United States

Classic

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37526

You deserved it

5914

Favorite

By Spanishredhead - United States

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37042

You deserved it

3872

Favorite

By crap - Thailand

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

92305

You deserved it

17745

Favorite

By loser

Today I bought the Gold edition to a game for $90. I expected to be very good only to realize it was the same as the previous installment. I went to check the refund policy and it said that I had to have played less than 2 hours, I had 121 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2447

You deserved it

937

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12978

You deserved it

77994

Favorite

By migsman - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30245

You deserved it

19140

Favorite

By S. Tucker - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33731

You deserved it

3590

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32576

You deserved it

5797

Favorite

By sick and awkward - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32168

You deserved it

3553

Favorite

By Beccarr - United Kingdom

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15640

You deserved it

45540

Favorite

By caitywebbkid - Australia - Perth

Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8699

You deserved it

777

Favorite

By STFU! - 3/4/2020 17:00

Caught the bug

Today, my girlfriend has been randomly screaming out, “Coronavirus! Hehehe!” in a scarily accurate Cardi B impression. She’s been doing it for days and refuses to stop. I’m starting to think facing the damn virus might be less annoying at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1685

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By "Noelle Diane Irwin"

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2233

You deserved it

258

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my manager told my shift that if we didn't have the quota filled for cinnamon rolls by tonight, we were all out of a job. One of the machines we use to wrap cinnamon rolls just started acting up. We also aren't allowed to take over time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2796

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By cat_lady - 5/4/2020 17:00

Follow the yellow brown road

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

282

Favorite

By RainyDay - United States

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52219

You deserved it

3499

Favorite

By sasha625

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

793

You deserved it

3563

Favorite

By Discostu80 - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46672

You deserved it

6912

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48752

You deserved it

4877

Favorite

By SplishSplash - United States

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63376

You deserved it

6868

Favorite

By soontobedivorced - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

541665

You deserved it

34885

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6350504 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:07

It must run in the family... Which is pretty ironic since neither of you can run now.

By Yazoo77 | 16

#6350488 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 18:59

Now he won't feel alone.

COMMENTS

By Yazoo77 | 16

#6350488 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 18:59

Now he won't feel alone.

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6350492 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:00

Least you made him feel better

By Curtis66 | 19

#6350493 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:01

I was always told that siblings feel each other's pain

By chrisann1023 | 21

#6350494 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:02

Hopefully you both recover quickly!

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6350504 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:07

It must run in the family... Which is pretty ironic since neither of you can run now.

wintersoldier_fml | 18

#6350509 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:10

Actually made me laugh :)

By tony1891 | 22

#6350518 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:16

have a nice trip, see you next fall

By fushengyuan | 20

#6350519 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:16

You guys should marry eachother

mds9986 | 24

#6350563 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:51

Where are you from where this is legal?

By Alicimo | 11

#6350521 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:18

Aw! Sorry about your ankle - I did the same recently but at least your little brother felt better.

By alexanderavatar | 24

#6350526 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:21

wow bad luck is afoot

By boxergirl1054 | 16

#6350536 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:30

Now you're brothers in pain

nfedrichy | 20

#6350569 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 19:56

Absolutely