Intimacy: Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room....

By sportyhusband - United States

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14073

You deserved it

26047

Favorite

Intimacy

Rock, hard place

Our house, in the middle of our street

Letting yourself go

By Anonymous

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1529

You deserved it

Favorite

By sig

Today, I found out that I'm not welcome at my boyfriend's dad funeral, because his ex-wife has invited herself, and it would be too awkward to explain to his extended family, most of whom apparently don't yet know that he's divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10298

You deserved it

880

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58189

You deserved it

10453

Favorite

By M to the line - France

Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that "We should do brunch every saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7053

You deserved it

32280

Favorite

By kp - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30031

You deserved it

4472

Favorite

By NotFromAustralia - United States - Denver

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13610

You deserved it

838

Favorite

By itswhateverr - United States

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

63660

You deserved it

4428

Favorite

By tara22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72944

You deserved it

6261

Favorite

By left-out - United States

Today, my sister posted on her Facebook that she hates moving because of all of the packing that she and my family have to do. I didn't even know we're moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33952

You deserved it

2575

Favorite

By bels12 - Australia

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26833

You deserved it

9295

Favorite

By wellhellothere - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34884

You deserved it

3302

Favorite

By Reasondon - United States

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29244

You deserved it

4379

Favorite

By AmyLeigh - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22179

You deserved it

2486

Favorite

By crazygirl10 - United States

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12500

You deserved it

33043

Favorite

By Burst a Valve - Australia

#humblebrag

Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8474

You deserved it

2820

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26005

You deserved it

2245

Favorite

By flatfoot - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32173

You deserved it

3000

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21090

You deserved it

78987

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4503

You deserved it

323

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cabot

Today, I got my dog some weight loss formula food, as she is very overweight. This new food makes her have horrible gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10662

You deserved it

2065

Favorite

By Anonymous

Creeped out

Today, I found out my husband only started to date me because he thinks I look like his daughter. She was 5 at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1840

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13950

You deserved it

71522

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 14:00

Spare wheel

Today, an ex of mine told me she wanted a threesome. This was great until I realised I wasn't included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1215

You deserved it

386

Favorite

By Bittersweet

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1677

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By pixie09 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31357

You deserved it

11566

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

53858

You deserved it

4921

Favorite

By faye - United States

Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38982

You deserved it

5975

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54736

You deserved it

6174

Favorite

By OfficeFatty - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35653

You deserved it

4954

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29462

You deserved it

5344

Favorite

By danielesnaranjo

Drunk online shopping FTW!

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

659

You deserved it

2123

Favorite

By Less Friendship, More Cash - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17607

You deserved it

2677

Favorite

By hey-ooo - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46709

You deserved it

2830

Favorite

By criminal tit offender - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24922

You deserved it

72486

Favorite

By CalebNotShomo - United States - Houston

Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35272

You deserved it

2812

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that the only part of my body that has had a reduction in size from changing my diet and working out isn't my stomach or my thighs but my already undersized breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32251

You deserved it

3263

Favorite

By Tennisplayer - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12140

You deserved it

44083

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium - De Pinte

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12638

You deserved it

978

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30408

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By SickMaMa - United States - Cortland

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37700

You deserved it

4033

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tyrob911 | 0

#785932 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:52

why do women complain when men masturbate? that's what men do when you-all don't step up to the mic. or would you rather he cheats on you with another lady?
The idea of not rocking the mic right

By Freeze_fml | 16

#785969 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:10

They play with balls more than you do, apparently.

COMMENTS

By brutal_banger | 10

#785866 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:29

Wow, that's... just... wow... just... wow.

White667 | 0

#786449 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:00

Lol, I want to high five this husband. Well, maybe with a different hand.

Still, brilliant. "Well it wasn't porn!"

pu13 | 5

#988256 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 16:57

op should become a tennis player :p

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1388894 - Saturday 11 September 2010 22:39

uep

zendaddy0 | 0

#2283957 - Sunday 3 April 2011 4:31

so what I work in engineering so I take pride in my erections

Megan36 | 3

#3280265 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 1:51

fuck u looks don't matter and I know ur going to say tht only ugly ppl say tht but I already know I'm ugly

asherah14 | 7

#3433253 - Friday 14 October 2011 23:58

My husband is fucking hot and is wonderful in bed but I still masturbate. My masturbation has nothing to do with my husband's skills or looks. It's my time with myself.

By damienwatkins | 0

#785883 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

picturescrazy | 24

#787039 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:05

Haha, good point. I'd be pissed if my husband did that too though >.< Nasty.

jts2x3 | 0

#807263 - Friday 29 January 2010 14:49

lol

nuccalo | 0

#943608 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:18

maria sharapova!!!!!!

bflakes | 1

#1046999 - Monday 28 June 2010 15:51

lol

tennisguy2011 | 1

#2595249 - Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:45

MARIA SHARAPOVA IS SOOOO HOT!!!!!!

SomeRussianGirl | 3

#4762529 - Thursday 2 August 2012 6:13

YDI for being so ugly you're husband is Jerking off to tennis.

By simon445 | 0

#785894 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By E40_fml | 0

#785905 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:40

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

chelzy | 0

#1042782 - Friday 25 June 2010 11:29

so true. I lick pussy sometimes though. btw, op, I'd be more upset by this than by porn.

Erebus_Terror | 12

#6160136 - Thursday 1 January 2015 22:20

I'm intrigued. Please, tell more.

By paramorefan125 | 0

#785922 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:48

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwy

By tyrob911 | 0

#785932 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

george456 | 0

#787513 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:51

I couldn't agree more.

Ravtaz | 0

#799484 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 8:05

I agree one hundred percent.

OMGitsME432 | 1

#832155 - Sunday 7 February 2010 4:29

BS dude, men masturbate regardless.....

masterclairebear | 0

#967503 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 23:01

It could have just been that he wanted something and she didn't.

whoisthisgirl | 4

#1871792 - Tuesday 21 December 2010 1:43

I think she was meaning the watching porn part not masturbating itself.. I'm the same way.

mrningbrd | 19

#5941566 - Sunday 11 May 2014 18:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

auro7 | 18

#6000574 - Monday 7 July 2014 9:37

196, she obviously didn't want to have sex with him, and she didn't like him to watch porn. She either has sex with him, or doesn't mind when he watches porn to get off. Or else he's gonna probably cheat

Daesh_fml | 9

#6177829 - Tuesday 20 January 2015 0:07

That doesn't answer the question though. Why would anyone care if their boyfriend watches porn? Mine does, a lot, and sometimes we do it together.

By chaos753159 | 4

#785937 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:56

at least it wasnt high school musical

bombchelle | 0

#785947 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:58

lmao

The_Norwegian | 2

#787407 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:12

Or Hannah Montana.

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1647479 - Thursday 4 November 2010 4:19

Or Justin Beiber.

SaraaGurll | 0

#2260074 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:59

Or Rebecca Black!

zendaddy0 | 0

#2285771 - Sunday 3 April 2011 13:54

combo br- or the Jonas brothers ......whoo epic twist

By Freeze_fml | 16

#785969 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:10

They play with balls more than you do, apparently.

rawr_iliketacos | 0

#1042749 - Friday 25 June 2010 10:57

WINNNNN!

By rc3187 | 0

#785971 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Megan36 | 3

#3280282 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 1:54

looks don't matter so shut the fuck up

DigitalFusion | 4

#3528532 - Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:47

^^ someone's ugly...

By bombtastic | 10

#785984 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

AstroTurf | 0

#801821 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:43

What's with this cycle thing LMAO. Why is everyone at HER LOL I guess she feel guilty, letting her man know she do not like to know who he gets off to. Now she feels guilty that she drove him to jerk off watching Tennis. She should not do that, your own private sex life, is private.

HE would probably not feel guilty, if he caught her rubbing her genitals, watching the neighbour trimming the hedges.. he would think her sexuality is HIS!!

Why is masturbation opposed to have sex with your partner...I masturbate as much or more when I have a partner. I like to masturbate AFTER I have had sex, just that I do not share that with my partner, cause it makes him feel not adequate... I do not want to hear or know that he watch porn, cause it makes me feel in inadequate.