Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room....

By sportyhusband - United States

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14063

You deserved it

26017

Favorite

Intimacy

Bad guy (duh)

Narcissist

Bullshit reason #874

By Doritos - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62309

You deserved it

4689

Favorite

By TaffyMichele - United States - La Verne

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22938

You deserved it

3766

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34430

You deserved it

2739

Favorite

By snottyface - United States

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32568

You deserved it

19253

Favorite

By Stuby14 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27150

You deserved it

5736

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4587

You deserved it

830

Favorite

By ponyboy - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41209

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

By anne - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35706

You deserved it

5957

Favorite

By marquez_jasmine - Canada - Kingston

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26385

You deserved it

3708

Favorite

By girlsx2mom - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37547

You deserved it

7839

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2860

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By Anonymous

All true, obviously

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law thinks that Trump is the "best man to walk the earth since Jesus," and that he's "fighting the deep state who's in control of the fake news." She tried to indoctrinate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2159

You deserved it

615

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36415

You deserved it

4171

Favorite

By traumatized - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40134

You deserved it

9282

Favorite

By James

Today, while standing in line to get my driver's license renewed, I hiccuped and burped at the same time. I was so flustered that I ended up telling an entire room full of people that I had the 'herps'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4048

You deserved it

749

Favorite

By that guy

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14610

You deserved it

30859

Favorite

By no boobies - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52628

You deserved it

4352

Favorite

By missy - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87244

You deserved it

8634

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33911

You deserved it

8525

Favorite

By Chipper - United States

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13083

You deserved it

51267

Favorite

By unzucht - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25298

You deserved it

2442

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Henderson

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Turns out we only have one thing in common: we would both bang Hillary Clinton. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11112

You deserved it

4549

Favorite

By wolfpacking - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13107

You deserved it

53844

Favorite

By guitar_chick7 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22463

You deserved it

47815

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35631

You deserved it

4216

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57514

You deserved it

17024

Favorite

By Ghettogirl4life - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33924

You deserved it

3152

Favorite

By bobthenun - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42092

You deserved it

10728

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15403

You deserved it

887

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34995

You deserved it

2957

Favorite

By bTOhno - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44939

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32511

You deserved it

3742

Favorite

By Shuttie - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15543

You deserved it

43454

Favorite

By rahhhnnnn - 25/4/2020 02:00

You can't win sometimes

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

231

Favorite

By Sfg_926 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14305

You deserved it

3109

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9485

You deserved it

46556

Favorite

By The Fishing Pole

So, are you in or are you out?

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3665

You deserved it

735

Favorite

By justin bieber's nutsack - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said "Never take a shit in this place! Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28922

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By Ban Hammered - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12302

You deserved it

852

Favorite

By mobster - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37240

You deserved it

19611

Favorite

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Top comments

By tyrob911 | 0

#785932 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:52

why do women complain when men masturbate? that's what men do when you-all don't step up to the mic. or would you rather he cheats on you with another lady?
The idea of not rocking the mic right

By Freeze_fml | 16

#785969 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:10

They play with balls more than you do, apparently.

COMMENTS

By brutal_banger | 10

#785866 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:29

Wow, that's... just... wow... just... wow.

White667 | 0

#786449 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:00

Lol, I want to high five this husband. Well, maybe with a different hand.

Still, brilliant. "Well it wasn't porn!"

pu13 | 5

#988256 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 16:57

op should become a tennis player :p

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1388894 - Saturday 11 September 2010 22:39

uep

zendaddy0 | 0

#2283957 - Sunday 3 April 2011 4:31

so what I work in engineering so I take pride in my erections

Megan36 | 3

#3280265 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 1:51

fuck u looks don't matter and I know ur going to say tht only ugly ppl say tht but I already know I'm ugly

asherah14 | 7

#3433253 - Friday 14 October 2011 23:58

My husband is fucking hot and is wonderful in bed but I still masturbate. My masturbation has nothing to do with my husband's skills or looks. It's my time with myself.

By damienwatkins | 0

#785883 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:33

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

picturescrazy | 24

#787039 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:05

Haha, good point. I'd be pissed if my husband did that too though >.< Nasty.

jts2x3 | 0

#807263 - Friday 29 January 2010 14:49

lol

nuccalo | 0

#943608 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:18

maria sharapova!!!!!!

bflakes | 1

#1046999 - Monday 28 June 2010 15:51

lol

tennisguy2011 | 1

#2595249 - Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:45

MARIA SHARAPOVA IS SOOOO HOT!!!!!!

SomeRussianGirl | 3

#4762529 - Thursday 2 August 2012 6:13

YDI for being so ugly you're husband is Jerking off to tennis.

By simon445 | 0

#785894 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:37

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By E40_fml | 0

#785905 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:40

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

chelzy | 0

#1042782 - Friday 25 June 2010 11:29

so true. I lick pussy sometimes though. btw, op, I'd be more upset by this than by porn.

Erebus_Terror | 12

#6160136 - Thursday 1 January 2015 22:20

I'm intrigued. Please, tell more.

By paramorefan125 | 0

#785922 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:48

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwy

By tyrob911 | 0

#785932 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

george456 | 0

#787513 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:51

I couldn't agree more.

Ravtaz | 0

#799484 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 8:05

I agree one hundred percent.

OMGitsME432 | 1

#832155 - Sunday 7 February 2010 4:29

BS dude, men masturbate regardless.....

masterclairebear | 0

#967503 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 23:01

It could have just been that he wanted something and she didn't.

whoisthisgirl | 4

#1871792 - Tuesday 21 December 2010 1:43

I think she was meaning the watching porn part not masturbating itself.. I'm the same way.

mrningbrd | 19

#5941566 - Sunday 11 May 2014 18:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

auro7 | 18

#6000574 - Monday 7 July 2014 9:37

196, she obviously didn't want to have sex with him, and she didn't like him to watch porn. She either has sex with him, or doesn't mind when he watches porn to get off. Or else he's gonna probably cheat

Daesh_fml | 9

#6177829 - Tuesday 20 January 2015 0:07

That doesn't answer the question though. Why would anyone care if their boyfriend watches porn? Mine does, a lot, and sometimes we do it together.

By chaos753159 | 4

#785937 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:56

at least it wasnt high school musical

bombchelle | 0

#785947 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 9:58

lmao

The_Norwegian | 2

#787407 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:12

Or Hannah Montana.

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1647479 - Thursday 4 November 2010 4:19

Or Justin Beiber.

SaraaGurll | 0

#2260074 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:59

Or Rebecca Black!

zendaddy0 | 0

#2285771 - Sunday 3 April 2011 13:54

combo br- or the Jonas brothers ......whoo epic twist

By Freeze_fml | 16

#785969 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:10

They play with balls more than you do, apparently.

rawr_iliketacos | 0

#1042749 - Friday 25 June 2010 10:57

WINNNNN!

By rc3187 | 0

#785971 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Megan36 | 3

#3280282 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 1:54

looks don't matter so shut the fuck up

DigitalFusion | 4

#3528532 - Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:47

^^ someone's ugly...

By bombtastic | 10

#785984 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 10:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

AstroTurf | 0

#801821 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:43

What's with this cycle thing LMAO. Why is everyone at HER LOL I guess she feel guilty, letting her man know she do not like to know who he gets off to. Now she feels guilty that she drove him to jerk off watching Tennis. She should not do that, your own private sex life, is private.

HE would probably not feel guilty, if he caught her rubbing her genitals, watching the neighbour trimming the hedges.. he would think her sexuality is HIS!!

Why is masturbation opposed to have sex with your partner...I masturbate as much or more when I have a partner. I like to masturbate AFTER I have had sex, just that I do not share that with my partner, cause it makes him feel not adequate... I do not want to hear or know that he watch porn, cause it makes me feel in inadequate.