Love: Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to...

By pogodrake - 24/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 2 840

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Own it

Batman

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 23:57 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 368

You deserved it 4 126

By Anonymous - 23/09/2014 17:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss changed some company calendar settings on my computer to see what they'd be like. He didn't like it, so he told me to change it back, then left. I have no idea what he changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 978

You deserved it 3 697

By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 5 449

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 2 911

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 138

You deserved it 20 603

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 552

You deserved it 18 582

By NotJoeyEssex - 26/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 1 080

By Anonymous - 06/01/2018 19:00

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 819

You deserved it 1 334

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 09:04 - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 350

You deserved it 16 312

By jobless - 07/05/2009 21:10 - United States

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 319

You deserved it 58 246

By newbornphotog - 03/05/2016 13:20 - Germany - Berchtesgaden

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 735

You deserved it 2 100

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 15:42 - Australia - Burnside

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 981

You deserved it 3 874

Is it slander or libel?

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 00:01

Today, I posted a review, on a strictly anonymous site, about a doctor I went to see for my anxiety but who actually made me worse. A while later, the same doctor called my home phone, addressed me by my full name and threatened to sue me for slander if I didn't take down the review. All of which was 100% true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 20:56 - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 969

You deserved it 3 969

Smash the patriarchy

By caveman logic - 12/08/2021 06:01

Today, I overheard my niece telling my daughter that a woman’s only real purpose in life is to find a good man and make sure he’s happy. This includes having his babies, cooking his meals, and submitting to him in any way he asks. My sister is a business owner. I have no idea where she got this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 20:00

Today, I found out my friends replaced the water in my bottle with vodka when all my fish died. Any water I don't finish the night before, I pour into my tank the next morning. Thousands of dollars and years hard work, gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 591

You deserved it 1 653

Alexa, play "Jobseeker" by Sleaford Mods

By Anonymous - 22/09/2021 15:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a mandatory online meeting with a special work program early in the morning. Despite having insomnia for the past three weeks, I got up on time. No one has emailed me a meeting link, and no replies either. Now, I'm afraid I will lose what little "benefit" the government throws my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 80

By Stalkerella - 08/05/2018 05:51

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 589

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 770

You deserved it 54 389

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 14:00

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 946

You deserved it 182

By Bad Mommy - 21/06/2012 05:40 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 260

You deserved it 9 396

Just joking, dude!

By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 130

You deserved it 4 189

By disgusted - 25/09/2014 04:03 - United States - East Waterboro

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 3 443

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 286

You deserved it 3 667

Friend's best friend

By some friend - 04/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, my "best friend" of over 15 years has decided to cut me out of her life. She asked me to loan her $7k to get a surgery for her 14 year-old dog. When I told her it would be far crueler to prolong the poor thing’s life, she called me a heartless bitch and refuses to ever speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 300

By sexytime - 02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 699

You deserved it 4 189

So do some adults…

By geonix - 19/05/2021 08:00

Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 385

Dumbasses

By Anonymous - 16/08/2013 21:05 - United States - Nevada

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 416

You deserved it 6 310

By ProsserBabe11 - 15/04/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 002

You deserved it 2 512

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 654

You deserved it 2 801

By EmberLove - 17/01/2013 14:06 - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 355

You deserved it 5 620

By Imrickar - 30/04/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 105

You deserved it 7 798

Being multilingual sucks sometimes

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 19:01 - Iraq - Baghdad

Today, in our microbiology lab, there's a machine called bacteria incubator, which translates to Arabic as "bacteria hugger." I envied the bacteria because it gets hugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 196

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 314

You deserved it 3 758

By user210 - 26/03/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 955

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 05:39 - United States - Long Beach

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 282

You deserved it 13 941

Easy mistake to make

By Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 065

You deserved it 184

By cachucy - 18/03/2012 15:04 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 660

You deserved it 3 506

By travelsickness - 10/08/2010 13:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 425

You deserved it 3 347

By ThisIsAgony - 25/10/2013 06:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 800

You deserved it 3 605

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Top comments

Pinkolulooo 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:09

You should explain to her what happened.

tisiphone_fml 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:17

Couldn't you give her a call on your way to the doctor's? Even at this point, can't you just explain what happened? If she won't believe you when your arm's in a brace, she's probably not the kind of person you want to date.

Pinkolulooo 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:09

You should explain to her what happened.

GiRIsMakingCupca 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 13:39

he probably did but she doesn't believe him... or something:) oh and FYL

iGreen_Day 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 13:56

Think about it "on my way to the bar I dislocated my shoulder". It's true but it does sound like a lame excuse :/

escapenowx 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 15:40

agreed, he could just tell her it's true and she can go check the hospital records if she won't believe him.

patriotblue 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 5:38

you could just show her your shoulder. that sucks buddy. fyl

sparkman97 7

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Thursday 28 July 2011 12:59

um, you could call her with the good shoulder.

junying 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:11

Yea, agree with #1.

iowa3jumpman23 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 0:21

good going

WorldWarAres 11

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Tuesday 20 May 2014 18:01

There's a button for that you know.

TomasT 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:13

You shouldn't be such a cry-baby and go anyway... Dislocated shouler... bah!

null_fml 11

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:14

If she won't believe you, get a doctor's note! High school prinicpals aren't the only ones who should find those credible. :P

tisiphone_fml 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:17

anela_fml 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 16:08

some kinda notice would have been good I agree

Spandexhero 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:20

probably shoulda explained what happened. if u didnl that and she still got upset, then I'm sure u wouldn't want anything more to do with her.

SliceNthrice 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 13:03

I agree I think as long as you explain what happened she should understand that you didn't intentionally "ditch" her. If she doesn't understand you should just move on to the next one.

Ms_Popsergeant 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 12:49

ur lame for slipping on ice

GiRIsMakingCupca 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 13:41

you are lame for thinking he's lame for slipping on ice

Woop_Woop 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 14:11

you're lame for thinking he's lame for thinking the guy is lame for slipping on ice

joshhh11 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 14:25

woop_woop, shut up

Person1233 12

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Sunday 24 January 2010 14:33

You're lame for throwing up while watching 2 girls 1 cup.

whataloadofbull 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 15:30

cupcakes... yum.

racerapj 10

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Sunday 24 January 2010 17:58

Who likes Sandwiches?¿

The_Great_Zucchi 14

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Sunday 24 January 2010 14:53

Well, the idea of a date is to get to know each other and see if you're interested in pursuing a relationship. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone as self absorbed as this? Believe me, it's better you found out now. These are not character traits you want to deal with for the rest of your life...

stillxsearching 3

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Sunday 24 January 2010 15:32

YDI if you didn't call her as soon as it happened (or have a friend/relative do it if you were in too much pain) so she wasn't left stranded at the bar alone wondering where you were. otherwise, FYL.