Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
sicwitit 0
it's a legit accident
armywife0609 4
"accidently" oh please I can see if your hand brushed her butt when you walked by but grabbing that is no accident you deserve it today at some party do jerk grabbed my but so I gave hum a black eye FHL
pookberry 4
Did you even think before posting your comment? It certainly could have been an accident. Maybe the girl looked similar to his girlfriend from behind? Thats only one if a few examples. Your ignorant idiocy made me laugh more then the original post. Tard! :D
pookberry 4
One of a few examples** not if ..hehe my bad
ZXDriver 0
Wow, someone didn't get enough hugs growing up. Way to try and sound badass on the Internet.
pdHbq 2
Mistakenly grabbed? Thats your story...
SxeDaze 13
Clever pic #18...
btstig 11
I'm glad someone gets it's. That pictures meaning has eluded me since I first saw it.
Llama_Face89 34
I'm not gonna Raichu a love song. A play on I'm not gonna WRITE YOU a love song.
btstig 11
Thank you 55. Makes sense now.
NullPointer 20
How could you not get it...?
sweetandsexy 0
I didnt
sicwitit 0
haha
Hansemans 17
So, you have an abusive girlfriend? Someone who cannot solve problems with words, only with fists? Time to walk out that door.
blackpolar22 0
Thats what i was gonna say.
rainbow_kisses90 2
Agreed!
FYLDeep 26
Hey, they just punished you twice for the same offense. Sounds a lot like double jeopardy to me.
Maddoctor 10
Um...I think you missed the "mistakenly grabbed" part. I'm pretty confident in the fact that OP didn't mean to grab some random girl's ass, so cool your jets.
Qu1ks1lv3r 3
Her picture doesn't help her comment at all. She looks like she has a hooters outfit on so she probably has her ass grabbed " accidentally" all the time and is just being biased.
KiddNYC1O 22
It's okay, she's hot.
KiddNYC1O 22
Think harder...