Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
purpletigers1527 3
You have a girlfriend...only use her if you wanna lose her.
javy2428 3
Why the **** would you tell your girlfriend
awesomelikethat 0
Nice. Heh heh and you're Canadian too.
ThatHurts_SD 4
I mentioned that I grabbed her ass mistakenly because I thought the girl was my girlfriend. And I told her because I thought she'd just laugh at me. She really didn't! For your information, I am now single too... FML
pistolpete01 9
awww man that sucks, next time respect a girl a little more and you wont get in these types of situations.
trismagestus 19
#90: Respect the girl more by... what? Lying to her instead of telling her the truth? Unless you think grabbing your significant other in public is disrespectful? He thought the other girl was his girlfriend, did to here what he does to his girlfriend sometimes, and got assaulted. When he told his girlfriend how he got his black eye, she assaulted him, too. Why are you lecturing *him*?
NullPointer 20
#90: Where didn't he show respect? I think you're an idiot.
PAKZILLA 0
What do you say to a man with two black eyes? Nothing. They've already been told twice.
Khalifa89 1
Lol i like this comment lmao
Emmysmiles 2
serves you right :L
NullPointer 20
You're an asshole. How did he deserve it?
Khalifa89 1
You definitely arent a smooth criminal lmao
4rmMiami 4
Ouch watch where u put those hands!!!!
BD_Swingin 0
I thought most girls dont punch you in the face for grabbing their ass.. And btw your abusive girlfriend needs to go.
BD_Swingin 0
Coming from the chick flashing her boobs in her pic. Niiiice