Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
Vash_41288 10
Yea I agree this doesn't seem to be the case of him grabbing a random girls ass because he just felt like it. Maybe just maybe he confused the girl for his girlfriend( wearing similar clothes etc) and wanted to be playful then he realized his mistake but was far too late. So relax miss.
PYLrulz 17
That's where you make up some bullshit like you got into a fight... But you should see the other guy
xHarleyQuinnx 0
'Mistakenly'... Right ;)
threer 30
Don't joke about sexual harassment. He didn't deserve the punches and should press charges; if a man did the same, he would be shunned.
Randy84 10
And the fact that OP went and told his GF the truth about how he got the first black eye. OP's GF is a complete bitch for reacting that way when he was being honest with her.
jellyD 1
Hey there Me. Raccoon man! :pppPppPP
firecopy 6
If people read the fml correctly, there would be less ydi.
KaskStunter 4
You should work on your defense man.
jesskaisns 5
**** your life, did your girlfriend leave you though,
jarredsj26 7
Damn dude. I'm sorry for you. You can't win for losing
DocBastard 40
Next time you mistakenly grab someone's ass, try floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee. Your defense sucks.