Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
Donniehw 5
Was the first one worth it? Heh heh >=)
iancomings 3
husband beater
linto101 0
You shoulda just told youre gf that she "shoulda seen the other guy after you kicked his a$$ for sucker punchin you"
NullPointer 20
Once a girl accidentally grabbed my crotch. By your logic it couldn't have been an accident, and I should have given her a black eye, and then more. What actually happened was I accepted that it was an accident and chose to be a good person and not attack her. I can see how assuming everyone is an asshole and deserves to be assaulted could work too though... actually not really.
sebmp11 0
I really commend you for being honest, your girlfriend has issues if she gives you a black eye for an accident. The mistaken girl is a b* for punching you for accidentally grabbing her a*. If it was an accident then everyone should just laugh and go on, not leave a poor guy, that wanted to joke with his girlfriend only to accidentally get the wrong girl, with two black eyes!!
mesyoup3zY 0
Awww sorry man
G0v3nat0r 7
Give him a break, he said MISTAKENLY grabbed, meaning he didn't intend to grab the first girls ass
Zinchy1234 1
I would have punched them both back.
Fulldemonstorm 10
damn you're certainly a people person
Norrec86 7
Give him a break. He said mistakenly so he probably thought it was his girlfriend. And at least he told her the truth about doing it.