Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
amyrules99 7
Well at least u weren't a jerk and didn't tell ur gf what happened. Good 4 u that instead of keeping it a secret, u were honest with ur gf... even if it meant a punch in the face!
kei1108 13
I would say that that's domestic abuse. People are really sexist about how so many view abuse as only happening to women. So I hate to have to put this into an example as such, but what if a woman went home and confessed to her boyfriend that she went dancing at a club and a guy started to dance up on her and said he thought that she was someone else. And he beats her... Doesn't that sound a bit abusive? Well, it's the same for a man.
BigD3452 6
Double standards suck!!
holierthanbloodx 5
Be happy she didn't hit you in your first one.
EverdreamOfMe 24
Your girlfriend is a bitch.
Melkboy 7
Should've contacted the police about abuse. Dead ******' serious.
Blippety 23
Why all the YDIs?
Paras_800 28
"Mistakenly"
writerchic85 26
If the genders were switched this would be an outrage. Press charges and break up with your girlfriend.
Chelse1403 18
Maybe you can let the raccoons accept you in their clan. Lol just kidding!
manateesarecool 13
If the genders were reversed, that man would be in jail.