Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
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Top comments
BoredomCentral 8
Oh man. That sucks. Well, you managed to piss off two people in one night. Good job.
mannykiddo 3
Today, you are a raccoon.
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Comments (142)
hateevryone 15
double fail
dylanmurre 4
It's funny. I see it the other way. I think girls think they can do what ever they want to guys. Girls are allowed to punch guys in the face but as soon as a guy goes to punch a girls in the face..... He is suddenly the worst excuse for a man. (I have never hit a girl before just sayin) all I can say is I hate bitches.
yellowzinnias 20
I think this is a sucks...because I'm pretty sure he meant he thought that the butt he was grabbing WAS his girlfriend's. And I commend him for his honesty with his girlfriend, rather than trying to make up a story.
daitan 3
Exactly what I was thinking. It's no wonder guys get a bad rep for being liars with all the assholes on here saying he should've lied in the first place.
aliceperez 6
Mistakenly grabbed it? As in u thought it was ur Gf? Or u were drunk and wanted some ass?
mario1045 0
Wow, grow some balls or get a less manly woman
juanitad 3
DUDE I'm a woman and even i know don't say anything to the GF if it was an accident. You'll only end up in pain
Daralea 21
I guess some people just like to be honest and expect people who they trust to understand.
cc_the_beast 6
If my BF came to me with that story the worst I would do would be to laugh at him. People need to chill the **** out.
blackvyper 8
Hope it was an iPhone... they're best for that.
mattorama 15
YDI, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I can't say I'm surprised somebody who thought it was a good idea to grab somebody's ass also thought it was a good idea to blurt it out to his girlfriend afterwards. Say you tripped and hit yourself in the face with a beer bottle, you got into a fight with a vagrant, ANYTHING! Not "Sorry, I was grabbing another girl's ass."
Twisted_Angel 17
Dumbass... you deserved it for not knowing the first one wasn't your girlfriend.
chelseaaababyyy 17
he made a mistake. hes only human. jeez.
stepanek911 1
I literally shit myself after reading this. Unfortunately I wasn't on the toilet. Thanks a lot Raccoon.