Work: Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last... - FML

By Username - 19/10/2010 15:24 - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 679

You deserved it 34 901

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sorry…

Vulture

By clublulu - 10/04/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 760

You deserved it 76 982

My eyes!

By shay786 - 05/05/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 065

You deserved it 39 940

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 17:01

Today, I resigned from my dream job with a small company. In the 6 weeks I worked there, a fist-fight occurred, the police were called 4 times, a person was fired for lying on important documents, and I was yelled or heckled for my ideas everyday. Now I'm jobless and worried, but had the first good night's sleep in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 138

By StillSingle - 29/06/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 243

You deserved it 5 074

Mystery

By oof! - 09/08/2021 17:59

Today, after taking him to two different neurological specialists, a pediatric ophthalmologist, an inner ear specialist, and a therapist, I’ve spent thousands of dollars just to come to the conclusion that my son is just hopelessly clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 16/03/2019 09:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, My girlfriend dumped me because of a game... No that because I was playing the game... Cause she got addicted to a game and decided that the game was more important than our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 225

By kjmsit - 16/06/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 639

You deserved it 23 377

By ocroyalty - 01/02/2010 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 421

You deserved it 2 644

By SaucierGirl - 12/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was told that since I've had only three or four periods since 2013, there's 60 periods worth of blood clotted in my uterus. They gave me medicine to make it all come out in one week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 077

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 01/03/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 836

You deserved it 3 686

By missedout - 05/02/2013 22:48 - United States - York

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 539

You deserved it 3 245

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 101

You deserved it 6 580

By Anonycunt - 27/07/2013 16:30 - Germany - Bonn

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 229

You deserved it 3 984

By scarlet - 09/05/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 821

You deserved it 3 399

By Queensland - 18/10/2014 07:20 - Australia

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 034

You deserved it 2 562

Sing me to sleep

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 97

Slasher

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 17:44 - United States - Sylvania

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 863

You deserved it 5 922

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 553

You deserved it 3 155

By kat - 21/02/2012 09:53 - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 3 045

Poor good boy

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 20:54 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 141

You deserved it 5 171

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 525

You deserved it 4 336

By scaredofbozo - 11/03/2011 16:05

Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 438

You deserved it 28 265

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 02:29 - Italy

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 122

You deserved it 3 633

Sweet!

By Linda - 21/01/2021 17:02

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 1 930

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 618

You deserved it 5 259

In for the long haul

By PoopyNuts - 18/09/2020 23:01

Today, my very financially stable grandparents bought my girlfriend and I two first class tickets on Air Emirates, which to me is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To my dismay, my colon did not approve of the peanuts and I spent the whole flight shitting out what seemed to be molten rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 22:30

Today, at work, a table of girls complained to the manager about me. The complaint? "He's not hot enough to work here. We want a sexy server." The manager agreed with them and sent me home. I might lose my job because of a table of shallow women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 577

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 574

You deserved it 36 289

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 3 692

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 853

You deserved it 8 362

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 940

You deserved it 9 647

One step forward, two steps back.

By MJF - 24/01/2018 15:00

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 308

You deserved it 229

By Teddy - 26/11/2012 20:54 - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 840

You deserved it 4 003

By mass message - 16/10/2011 00:47 - Canada

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 072

You deserved it 69 803

By Alyssa Charlotte - 29/07/2011 02:25 - Mexico

Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 223

You deserved it 3 027

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 773

You deserved it 35 367

Was it me?

By PhantomShitter - 29/11/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I read on Facebook that someone shat outside our block of flats. I laughed and showed it to my friend who was with me. She turned to me, and said, "That was you, we were locked outside last night and you needed to pee, but a poo slipped out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 2 260

By anonymous - 16/02/2015 12:57 - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 2 961

By readytomingle - 15/07/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 066

You deserved it 42 296

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Top comments

gmor 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:02

ooo dear 

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:13

I guess he can only get a girl to love him when they are drunk. oh he forgot to mention that you guys got it on as well :)

Comments

gmor 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:02

ooo dear 

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:04

that sucks for everyone who said FIRST...andthe actual FIRST didnt say it...(yay for you) why wereyou even drinking with your boss there?

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:07

wow 2 through 4 all failed. might be a new record.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:10

well.. at least he didn't avoid you after that right, OP?

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:23

chat kinds of ducks? Rubber duckies? Lolz I'm just making fun. iPods aren't that good at autocorrect... & when they try, they fail. Aah, many bad texts & ims because of that...

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:27

ok, the comment I was replying to disappeared, & I meant what, missed a letter, & it got turned to chat. Damn autocorrect... It said ducks for you op. damn iPod not showing comments...

heyred 11

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 20:39

Find another job and don't cross that drinking line again.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 20:42

ydi for gettin that intoxicated with your boss, at least make sure he gets to that point before you do.

zerobahamut03 2

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 20:51

What an opportune moment to confess your love! >:)

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 20:55

30- both of those comments made no sense to me... :/

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 23:41

Don't ever confess your love when you are drunk. YDI for believing in love.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:56

fatass

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 14:41

45 looks like he's stoned and has just been assraped. :L

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 20:17

#65 wtf ...don't u believe in love.that's just stupid

salaamdelroba 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 19:06

lol

AbtainAmerica 0

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Friday 9 March 2012 20:53

Yeah that definitely sucks

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:02

First.. and you deserve it if you were drunk

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:07

xD ugh I fail so hard

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:03

first and FML...

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:11

your not first, your third. another thing it's not FML it's FYL.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:03

first and wow YDI.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:14

wow.. 2nd to 4th.. fails

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:04

sucks op good luck with that

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:04

That was kind of a dick move on his part. Why would he remind you of that?

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 0:08

That's what I wondered. Do you actually feel that way, OP? He's either incredibly tactless or he is interested. I can't come up with a third option.

quivx 7

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:08

He's probably lying.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:08

ffs I Failed Shoot... thought I was 1St!

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:09

ouch. that sucks hard.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 19:09

That is quite unfortunate

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 20:02

give it up to the Jews!!!!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 93