Love: Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility...

By anonymous - 12/10/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 646

You deserved it 4 128

Love

Dysfunctional

Hiding from the drama

You just had to be special

By anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 708

You deserved it 6 589

By Rants - 01/05/2019 16:00

Today, we've had some auditors with us and I chat with some of them during the day. It's Friday so I asked one of them until what time they were working. It was late and I loudly exclaimed, "That's so late! Your bosses have no hearts!" The auditor then points to their table where the boss is sitting. Glaring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 728

By roflcopter - 19/08/2010 00:53 - United States

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 148

You deserved it 31 459

By HappinessOrOrgasms - 05/11/2012 19:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 197

You deserved it 4 273

By Ellowise - 24/12/2009 10:06 - Belgium

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 654

You deserved it 47 053

By Anonymous - 30/09/2017 13:00

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 519

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 01:33 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 956

You deserved it 3 562

By Sam - 26/11/2012 04:39 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 083

You deserved it 3 605

By ouch - 07/08/2011 07:12 - Mexico

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 346

You deserved it 5 380

The Sweet Smell of Success

By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 539

By VelociTheRaptor - 23/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was leaving work after a storm. They're building some new offices outside, so I had to walk on an uneven path near the construction zone. I came to a big puddle and tried to jump across to what I thought was a piece of asphalt. It was mud. I slipped and fell backwards into the puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 152

You deserved it 752

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 01/03/2020 18:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 847

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 31/07/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 479

You deserved it 3 727

By cooldude - 01/07/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 100

You deserved it 8 110

By nutsucker - 08/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 433

You deserved it 10 843

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 507

You deserved it 36 890

By MaKaDa - 23/09/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 610

You deserved it 4 803

By Anonymous - 21/02/2011 00:19 - United Kingdom

Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 863

You deserved it 2 892

Yeet it time

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 12:59 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I got fired for not being mature enough. I just found out I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 338

By poorchild - 23/11/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 058

You deserved it 2 897

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 819

You deserved it 2 594

By charlieweaver21 - 21/01/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 011

You deserved it 6 118

By Demotivation - 02/07/2013 14:35 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 363

You deserved it 3 069

The cupcake incident

By kandi - 04/05/2009 07:34 - Philippines

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I rested on the glass protecting the cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 417

You deserved it 79 712

Ripper

By Pantess at work - 30/03/2021 16:00 - United States

Today, at work, the seat of my pants ripped open. A coworker lent me a pair of his back-up jeans, and then those ripped in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 111

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 919

You deserved it 7 117

By EmDa - 21/04/2011 14:44 - India

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 715

You deserved it 64 781

By Etta - 04/03/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunch time, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 427

You deserved it 561

By tbanana95 - 04/11/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 10 989

Stalker or coincidence?

By Jenny - 08/05/2020 05:00

Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 670

By DogBeater - 21/06/2016 01:21 - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 830

By catherineratley - 06/05/2012 04:09 - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 372

You deserved it 2 973

By can't win - 13/01/2015 16:25 - Australia

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 407

You deserved it 3 431

By Rach - 08/06/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 598

You deserved it 4 378

By kalvin - 24/05/2015 16:56 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 561

You deserved it 6 909

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 760

You deserved it 18 802

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 00:01

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 160

By Harry - 29/11/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 468

You deserved it 43 896

By hoaloha - 30/07/2012 04:40 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 205

You deserved it 24 823

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 4 035

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Top comments

Ninjaface 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:23

When they got up there, you should have crowned the new boyfriend.

BeeSkwaird 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 14:32

I'm well out of college and think everyone tearing the OP down over "high-school drama" is pretty thoughtless. It matters. That's a hard situation, OP, and we really don't know all the backstory. But if you have the backbone, you could have confidently put the crown on her head while saying, "You look beautiful."

zangledog 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

GreenHacker 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 14:36

Dude, get over it. Unless you broke up the same morning, you have no reason to whine like a bitch. She's probably a slut anyway

moonlight_daze 8

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Monday 12 October 2009 15:05

What is it that Zangledog needs to get over? Who's probably a slut? What are you talking about, #27? :-/

greenltrn2003 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 16:43

^nice use of hate for ppl replying to the 1st comment

Ohnothingreally 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 19:47

Replying to the first comment is more annoying than saying "first" to me....

donkey_hang_down 2

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Monday 12 October 2009 19:58

So do you annoy yourself since you replied to it?

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Monday 12 October 2009 22:47

No, since he actually replied for a reason and not just to get his comment seen. If you actually have something intelligent to add or argue with the person who happens to be first then commenting on it is fine; though, people on here rarely have anything intelligent to say.

donkey_hang_down 2

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Monday 12 October 2009 23:07

Oh i got ya ;).... But you cant really expect to expand your mind with intelligent comments on fml

FarSide 22

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Tuesday 13 October 2009 0:56

Well BFD you ballerina crotch. If you think this ranks as an FML for you, you will hang yourself before age 30. Grow up. Life is not MTV, Nick at Night, Comedy Channel, or the Cartoon Network.

JKr3slEMO 5

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Sunday 8 July 2012 2:15

could've just hit the guy in the head with the crown..

FYLbutYDI 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:20

Ya don't say first.. But haha FYL

moonlight_daze 8

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:22

YDI for going to Homecoming. Try thinking for yourself for a change, damn!

Bloodknight 22

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:22

Boo hoo, high school drama, get over it!

unFmyLife 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 14:34

It's not just "high school drama" ... no matter what stage of your life you are in. Having to be happy while watching someone you care for be with someone else sucks. Big time.

Ninjaface 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:23

When they got up there, you should have crowned the new boyfriend.

DameGreyWulf 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:27

LOL that would have been great. Seriously man, it's hard but you need to forget her. If you still have feelings for her, I'm guessing it's not been too long since the break up, and so she certainly didn't love you too much if she already has a new man on her arm.

crzyry 6

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:25

I can understand why that sucked for you but believe me in a couple years you won't give a damn about some high school girlfriend or homecoming.

moonlight_daze 8

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:35

After 2012, none of us will give a damn about anything anymore.. At least that's what believers in the great Nostradamus have been telling me.

DameGreyWulf 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 9:39

I'm already not giving a damn about a good handful of things.

lolzRaptor 1

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Monday 12 October 2009 10:51

Yeah too bad the world ended in the year 2000.

Intellectualist 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 10:56

Shit, did it? I missed that.

ladiesman14 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 10:09

trust me dude you wont like her after she gains the freshman 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, 70, 75, 80 oh and it only gets worse after this.

cani_fml 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 11:48

youre class president & got to date the homecoming queen? so not only are we supposed to care about your unintresting highschool drama, we're supposed to pity you?!?!? I wish you could smack soneone via the internet..

Intellectualist 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 11:53

High school dramas are the best dramas, everyone knows full well in a few years, they won't care, but at the moment it's the end of the world.

nerdking21 10

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Monday 12 October 2009 12:24

Besides, their funny as hell to sit back and watch.

cani_fml 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 12:45

Maybe on the WB..

mirandaelcraig 13

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Friday 18 January 2013 16:00

So you think just cause Someone is popular they deserve to be hurt?.that's kind of f*cked up. I wasn't "popular" either by any means of the word but I was never petty enough to be mad at someone just cause they were...