Love: Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to...

By dlova - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10174

You deserved it

24577

Favorite

Love

Season finale

Phantom pooper

The more the merrier

By michellenKG - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30085

You deserved it

2627

Favorite

By longlostkid556 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56110

You deserved it

5789

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26903

You deserved it

2094

Favorite

By unicornlovet

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1553

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By HouseWife - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50241

You deserved it

6909

Favorite

By pale-suzie - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45944

You deserved it

4276

Favorite

By Rachel - United States

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50593

You deserved it

5309

Favorite

By hatemyboss - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10550

You deserved it

44949

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54580

You deserved it

4005

Favorite

By wrecked - United States

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69214

You deserved it

5605

Favorite

By MySistersDogisStupid

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6766

You deserved it

774

Favorite

By MyPrecious... - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20775

You deserved it

28608

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, and everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry for him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack for his trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26831

You deserved it

7282

Favorite

By kerdersty - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36439

You deserved it

3763

Favorite

By jill - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46961

You deserved it

8130

Favorite

By cl4ptp - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29074

You deserved it

7637

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48145

You deserved it

3741

Favorite

By Gaz47

Today, I was online dating and a girl from high school messaged me. Thinking she might have matured since we're now in our 40's, I messaged back. She then said it was a joke and that I'm still a desperate, pathetic nerd trying to score with the hottest girl in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4198

You deserved it

312

Favorite

By Miss_Whipped - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11148

You deserved it

1193

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77927

You deserved it

16997

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49712

You deserved it

7868

Favorite

By STUPID BIRTHDAY - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

103931

You deserved it

6899

Favorite

By KeptMyHandsUp - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4050

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By Chandra - Canada - Brampton

Thank God it's Monday tomorrow

Today, I had to pee at work. I ended up using all the toilet paper. When I opened the door to leave, a dude was waiting to use the washroom. I told him there was no more toilet paper. He goes, “You finished all of it?” I panicked and said, “No, I didn’t use any!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1486

You deserved it

563

Favorite

By lol smiley face - United States

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32741

You deserved it

10393

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, at work, a customer ordered a caramel latte with no caramel. I made a regular latte after explaining that’s what it was. He got angry and threw it at me. I got fired for insulting his intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4875

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6234

You deserved it

43510

Favorite

By Hotsauce887 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70158

You deserved it

25602

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 01:02 - Chile - Santiago

Not you

Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

752

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By monkey - United States - Logan

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57022

You deserved it

5463

Favorite

What should I do?

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4075

You deserved it

535

Favorite

By tickyette - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32159

You deserved it

10323

Favorite

By "deerling" - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year old Brother heard me and started crying and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about that time his sister farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By KarolBee - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50632

You deserved it

6467

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43550

You deserved it

14281

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4395

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By Dsark - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44232

You deserved it

3715

Favorite

By Unlucky - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38559

You deserved it

4931

Favorite

By bad luck skier - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49868

You deserved it

3480

Favorite

By brokenhome - United States

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24762

You deserved it

2642

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By birdfreak | 24

#1885205 - Friday 24 December 2010 7:18

oh yeah she's totally into u

By crazy_diva | 0

#117281 - Friday 17 April 2009 0:00

hahahaha My friend who is bi took a photo of herself making out with her ex-boyfriend's other ex and sent it to him just to piss him off. And I agree with #6 lol

COMMENTS

By choppedNskrewed | 0

#24458 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:10

now you've officially been choppedNskrewed =)

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#6054636 - Tuesday 2 September 2014 10:19

I'm sure you felt proud after!

By gofriars | 0

#65595 - Saturday 28 March 2009 22:52

I don't see how this is FML-worthy. She's making out with another girl at a party. That's hot and sexy. That's "I love my life!", not "F*** my life!"

Sarahforever | 4

#969820 - Sunday 28 March 2010 15:01

agreed. I've made out with girls at parties and I'm straight. this isn't an fml

LaRee | 0

#2514059 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:56

^ u sure about that?

CaliSwaggGirl | 0

#2778390 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 9:21

I was gonna say the same thing hahahaha

melikesfml | 11

#4441159 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 6:36

FML Team, rape this guy^^^

By crazy_diva | 0

#117281 - Friday 17 April 2009 0:00

hahahaha My friend who is bi took a photo of herself making out with her ex-boyfriend's other ex and sent it to him just to piss him off. And I agree with #6 lol

By 24788 | 6

#155988 - Thursday 30 April 2009 7:52

oh that's rough. I can't read girls either.

By f_MY_life94 | 0

#486387 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:47

so either you're gay, bi, or she is?
wtf?

By kpo216 | 0

#832560 - Sunday 7 February 2010 7:44

forsure bullshit

By mariahrawks | 0

#995791 - Monday 17 May 2010 0:02

the crushee? lmao

By vickieyeah | 0

#1006865 - Tuesday 25 May 2010 14:32

they might both be!

By Clare420 | 0

#1024354 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 1:17

your gay for quoting a dumb song

By jade567 | 0

#1028535 - Saturday 12 June 2010 10:03

it's not nice to call people gay.

bitch.