Intimacy: Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a...

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 137

You deserved it 9 750

Intimacy

Batman

Stop talking!

No Future

Catching my breath

By Hamish - 22/07/2021 06:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had an asthma attack while walking home with my friends. As I was struggling to breathe, they thought I was attention-seeking and left me on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 81

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 128

You deserved it 7 742

By jackelking - 25/05/2009 08:33 - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 944

You deserved it 6 899

Class Wars - UK Edition

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 14:01

Today, my wife blames me for our son having a “posh” accent, because she thinks he’ll be bullied at school. I’m a Yorkshireman and use “ey up”, “ow do” , “pillock” and “arse” in everyday conversation, whereas my wife was raised in Oxford, I doubt I’m the one making our son sound posh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 219

By nerdsgetmehot - 07/04/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 719

You deserved it 5 841

By jkmartinjk - 28/11/2012 04:58 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 599

You deserved it 32 939

By MaggotMother - 20/04/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 412

You deserved it 7 576

By Tom - 17/08/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 403

You deserved it 107 577

Persona non grata

By soupcrackers - 07/10/2020 04:57

Today, I spoke to Friend A and Friend B, with whom I'd had arguments with in the past. Those arguments caused me to leave a group chat. When I want to settle things with Friend B, they told me, "Don't come back to the group chat. It'll make everyone happier if you stay out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 825

You deserved it 70 458

Home Improvement

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 23:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 38

By homersgirl - 30/09/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 203

You deserved it 5 094

By LonelyThisChristmas - 24/12/2016 20:14 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my step-mum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 935

You deserved it 627

Annoying neighbors ruin everything

By so much for relaxing - 21/07/2021 06:01

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 64

By lonely girl - 02/07/2013 06:47 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 280

You deserved it 22 759

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 925

You deserved it 524

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - 04/03/2016 00:22 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 21 877

By daughter in law - 08/11/2016 06:05 - United States

Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 560

You deserved it 1 422

The show must go on!

By Stuckwiththebill - 28/01/2018 01:30

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 494

You deserved it 412

By rileynautumn - 13/06/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 125

You deserved it 9 659

By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 2 957

Territorial

By grow up! - 07/08/2021 14:01

Today, I went back home for a visit after nearly 10 years. I met up with some old friends at a bar and had an amazing evening. Afterwards, two of the wives told me I’m never allowed to speak to, nor see their husbands again, since I slept with them in high school. This was years before they even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 164

Weird reasoning

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 06:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me when I told her I once got out of jury duty. It was a legitimate reason with evidence from my neurosurgeon, but she thinks I should have done my civic duty, while enduring the pain of screws holding my skull together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 59

By -.- - 20/09/2013 23:58 - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 439

You deserved it 2 875

By sicktomystomach - 02/05/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 606

You deserved it 5 197

By machismo - 13/01/2012 18:16 - United States

Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings, so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake of her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 301

You deserved it 44 943

By BrokeAF - 12/08/2018 08:30 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, my ex showed up to pick up our kids in her brand new car. Last month child support doubled my amount because of a paperwork error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 916

You deserved it 325

By WhyMe - 26/01/2015 01:41 - United States - Wareham

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 184

You deserved it 3 876

By Damnsoup - 03/07/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 097

You deserved it 6 942

By MissPerspirent - 28/09/2011 02:18 - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 3 573

By f*ck - 06/03/2015 17:41 - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 695

You deserved it 19 672

By maxmess - 21/06/2016 21:39

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. I'm obsessive about cleanliness and neatness. They're candidates for a certain show about hoarders. I want to shower in bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 001

You deserved it 1 105

By Wally - 08/05/2009 15:20 - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 245

You deserved it 5 721

Douchebag Alert!

By amy - 02/04/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 595

You deserved it 277

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 374

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 04:00

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 188

By muffingirl - 10/02/2010 12:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 8 123

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 971

You deserved it 8 979

By militarywife2b - 14/12/2009 20:23 - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 658

You deserved it 2 165

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 17:31 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 536

You deserved it 3 585

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Top comments

Shakabrah 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:54

what the duck

insanestab 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:55

haha rubber ducky IS the one

Shakabrah 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:54

what the duck

JuliaM1000 10

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:58

Woah, I wish that was my dream :(

Y_U_19029 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:06

Did the duck sound like the Aflack duck?

jakii_ 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:15

That's pretty damn kinky

shaneac 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:18

Rubber ducky, you're the one You make bathtime lots of fun

zerobahamut03 2

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:22

Mighty be time to find a girlfriend or masturbate op. Problem solved!

CitrusGirl 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:57

18, I was totally just thinking that!

Specterk50 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:00

I thought I was the only one...

steelersjackson 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:04

that duck must have been beautiful!!!

MAGNAVOX 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:07

Was the duck the one with the penis?

ChrisSG 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:15

well, I don't give a duck.. xD

TurtleHabitat 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:41

My turtle is ashamed..

AbsoluteTurtle 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:01

better than a wet dream with sexual relations with water.

warpig182 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:22

Don't worry OP I had a wet dream about masturebating once. Don't feel too bad.

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:24

I beg to differ. Adjustable shower head.

aaaahh 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:58

there is no duck 

LoganBballin16 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:07

op is a major ducking fail!!

benny2465 0

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Monday 11 October 2010 6:02

rubber ducky,your the one, you make wetdreams so fucked up

TomPusslicker 21

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:49

at least it wasnt a real duck...thatd have just been weird lol

stuffhappens223 7

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Tuesday 3 January 2012 23:30

Win. :P

stuffhappens223 7

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Thursday 12 January 2012 5:39

Win.

insanestab 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:55

haha rubber ducky IS the one

waynej7 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:00

that was awesome...

PLAYSTATION33333 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:30

that makes "nap time" so much fun

lemonlife 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:35

at least you have friends

atalia831 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 21:30

rubber ducky you're the one who makes wet dreams so fun. ;)

CornDogFlakes 2

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Friday 29 October 2010 15:54

WIN

Completely 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:57

LOL. I'm curious do you take baths with rubber ducks?

code2264 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 21:50

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do you op

bryan4595 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 4:25

whatever pushes ur buttons

peakcheer 2

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 20:57

of course he does! doesn't everyone?...

Sportsfan86 3

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:57

you're retarded

Xavi89 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:57

well atleast it wasn't Amy whinehouse!

jakii_ 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:17

WIN

LabRats_fml 4

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:57

Did you use protection?

Sportsfan86 3

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:29

14, win.

Wizardroxx 3

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Saturday 9 October 2010 21:05

14 - My birthday is one day before you xD So that makes us ALMOST twins, haha.

Freeze_fml 16

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Saturday 9 October 2010 21:08

No it doesn't.

Charlotteeexx 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 1:28

you're rather rude.

LabRats_fml 4

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Sunday 10 October 2010 2:14

haha nice on 14

iwenttherebuddy 0

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Monday 27 February 2012 8:25

14 what of its a female rubber duck ? Do we really want to make a new breed of rubber duck people ?!?

HardcoreHelena 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:58

a duck, really?

Bad_Boy1321 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:12

your cute

hunterman 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:42

oh dam id tap that ass

Phustercluck 11

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:02

You mean the 14 year old....stop being creepers.

ERich331 3

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:06

I'm 15 so it wouldn't be creepy :)

HahaHokayThen 10

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:34

I never knew so many rapists lurked the depths of FML.

DocBastard 38

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:45

If you are young enough for her, then you have no idea how to "tap that" anyway. Stick with your right hand. Damned kids.

ifyouseekamy666 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 20:04

56 they see a lil hoe and they all come running.. poor #7.. xP

browncity23 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 20:17

#'s 35 & 43 pedophiles much? I on the other hand am young enough to indeed " tap dat"

chamyh 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 3:44

haha win.

paint_baller100 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 6:25

laFayette is in ny right?

sutherland416 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 7:03

ur really cute

SereniLove 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:29

woohoo LOL Lg Hunta!!

smokey1988 0

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Monday 11 October 2010 1:49

hey there :)

drrumbe02 3

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:17

i want u

ERICA833 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 6:45

whoo go 14-15 year olds!!!!!

Fresno_boi 0

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Monday 30 May 2011 3:05

HEY..? ;)

extremenoodles 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 15:59

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

shaneac 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:20

lol, quote from Harry Potter? But, what IS the purpose of a rubber duck?

acrchurch 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:26

win

RainbowxxVeinsx 17

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Saturday 9 October 2010 17:17

To make bathtime more fun. xD

Phustercluck 11

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Saturday 9 October 2010 18:06

My bathtimes were dismal, all I got was soap.

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 9 October 2010 19:33

I'm sure you still found something to play with while you were in that tub.

Amgnowai 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 21:24

Hah.

hollylollyxoxo 0

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Monday 28 March 2011 22:08

some of them vibrate....

heyyitsemilia 11

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Monday 15 July 2013 0:04

omg. I'm watching Harry Potter right now and that part came on when I read your comment lol.

I_hate_it_all 5

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:01

hahahah too fucking epic

omgpotato 5

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Saturday 9 October 2010 22:49

agreed

Annihilator 0

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Saturday 9 October 2010 16:07

Maybe it's time to get a girlfriend. Open the door closet and get out. Then find a girl a have sex with her. If you peed then go back to having sex with rubber ducks.

iseyixes 18

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Wednesday 10 October 2012 13:58

This comment didn't make much sense. Unless it was a dream....

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 85

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 286

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