By Anonymous - United States - Manchester Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML I agree, your life sucks 26202 You deserved it 3990 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dont_shit_where_i_eat Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML I agree, your life sucks 3652 You deserved it 255 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States So that's what the smell was! Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML I agree, your life sucks 34365 You deserved it 2834 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Justlooking Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML I agree, your life sucks 6239 You deserved it 563 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 8379 You deserved it 42321 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wellalrightythen - United States - Hobart Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML I agree, your life sucks 40768 You deserved it 2486 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML I agree, your life sucks 43811 You deserved it 8767 300 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Stockbridge Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML I agree, your life sucks 61590 You deserved it 13636 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NCanalyst - Norway Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML I agree, your life sucks 35423 You deserved it 2346 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Baby - United States - Pittsburgh Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML I agree, your life sucks 5498 You deserved it 1529 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML I agree, your life sucks 32311 You deserved it 5141 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML. I agree, your life sucks 49025 You deserved it 6428 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cinderella - Netherlands Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML I agree, your life sucks 33301 You deserved it 4458 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lovestupid - Australia Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML I agree, your life sucks 11969 You deserved it 28971 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chan - United States Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML I agree, your life sucks 10077 You deserved it 40476 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ZAS - Canada Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year old boy asked me "What do you do when you really want something?". I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML I agree, your life sucks 54529 You deserved it 6240 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By assoutofuandme - United States - San Francisco Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML I agree, your life sucks 15070 You deserved it 59182 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML I agree, your life sucks 31328 You deserved it 6075 258 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By can't wait to go home - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML I agree, your life sucks 13191 You deserved it 1960 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By suckstobefat - Canada Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML I agree, your life sucks 33627 You deserved it 7171 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML I agree, your life sucks 11821 You deserved it 37668 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JulietMarie Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML I agree, your life sucks 2279 You deserved it 173 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Sanford Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML I agree, your life sucks 46128 You deserved it 6982 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vadoodoo22 - France Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML I agree, your life sucks 27810 You deserved it 3221 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bubbalicious - Canada Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML I agree, your life sucks 39639 You deserved it 86830 265 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By introuble - United States Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML I agree, your life sucks 31124 You deserved it 16964 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Millar - Australia - Carlton North Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML I agree, your life sucks 2801 You deserved it 162 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hannah - Australia - Caulfield North Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML I agree, your life sucks 67092 You deserved it 6036 272 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML I agree, your life sucks 57758 You deserved it 29835 403 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By candie - United States Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML I agree, your life sucks 46454 You deserved it 4283 287 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By subtweetqueen - United States - Santa Clarita Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML I agree, your life sucks 13411 You deserved it 1208 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML I agree, your life sucks 12322 You deserved it 20558 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jack Faire Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML I agree, your life sucks 2256 You deserved it 565 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML I agree, your life sucks 62719 You deserved it 3748 215 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Crys - Canada - Kingston Today, I decided to finish up some Christmas shopping. Instead, I ended up having to buy a present for myself - a new alternator after my car died and left me stranded. FML I agree, your life sucks 2227 Phew, glad it wasn't me 221 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 7760 You deserved it 54344 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML I agree, your life sucks 23591 You deserved it 2188 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Firewielder - United States - Midland Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML I agree, your life sucks 32840 You deserved it 2996 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 39000 You deserved it 17821 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HSPARKS - 12/5/2020 05:00 Big baby man Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML I agree, your life sucks 1532 You deserved it 897 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sally - United States Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML I agree, your life sucks 41856 You deserved it 13236 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ladytigerhunts | 20 #6385439 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 6:58 At least it was in a hole. Send a private message 163 3 Reply
By LyricaSilvan | 29 #6385437 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 6:58 I don't think that's the kind of "sweet" tail you want to be getting. Send a private message 142 4 Reply
By LyricaSilvan | 29 #6385437 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 6:58 I don't think that's the kind of "sweet" tail you want to be getting. Send a private message 142 4 Reply
Reply chuka81 | 27 #6385626 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 11:47 No, it's the kind of American Pie he wants. Send a private message 12 5 Reply
Reply JMichael | 25 #6385632 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 11:59 I'm not gonna lie. I've seen some donuts that looked so good they could pass as "fuckable". Send a private message 13 2 Reply
By ladytigerhunts | 20 #6385439 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 6:58 At least it was in a hole. Send a private message 163 3 Reply
Reply sadistmonkey | 19 #6385914 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 20:14 Unless it's a jelly donut... Send a private message 0 5 Reply
Reply chinaski7628 | 32 #6385947 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 20:33 There's still a hole in a jelly donut. And some sweet filling! Send a private message 7 0 Reply
Reply MissCloudy249 | 14 #6386053 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 22:57 It might've been a maple bar... Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By graceface1031 | 7 #6385441 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 6:58 It's okay OP, I once had an extremely sensual dream about eating bacon. Send a private message 35 8 Reply
By Texas125 | 12 #6385442 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 6:59 At least it was hot and fresh. Sorry OP. Send a private message 7 15 Reply
Reply cooer | 10 #6585225 - Thursday 21 April 2016 13:59 what if it was a doughnut he bought at the store in a pack of many Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By sh07 | 28 #6385443 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:00 Better than nothing? Send a private message 8 15 Reply
Reply _streets_ | 19 #6385515 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:57 I donut think so. Send a private message 48 1 Reply
Reply ColdRoxas | 18 #6385796 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 16:44 #26 you are amazing cannot stop laughing XD Send a private message 1 6 Reply
Reply dannnngthatsux | 19 #6386162 - Thursday 20 August 2015 1:05 Doesn't matter, had sex! Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By russiancat464 | 12 #6385446 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:00 well...they do have holes for a reason Send a private message 34 1 Reply
By BoxFullOfLazy | 25 #6385453 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:04 Sounds like you've been watching The Simpsons. Send a private message 32 2 Reply
By amanda182 | 19 #6385458 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:06 Donuts are really good.. Just not that way. Send a private message 5 14 Reply
Reply ohSNAPyall | 26 #6385576 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 9:19 Are you speaking from experience? Send a private message 16 0 Reply
Reply ItsKennyBaby | 9 #6385697 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 13:20 Well not with that attitude. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
Reply amanda182 | 19 #6386379 - Thursday 20 August 2015 5:02 Seeing as I don't have a penis I'm pretty sure I can't fuck a donut. And I also said "not in that way" because I meant they're good to EAT not fuck. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply freddygasman | 18 #6387305 - Friday 21 August 2015 2:03 well, there are maple bars and cinnamon twists. :) Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply ArturoJames | 13 #6388940 - Saturday 22 August 2015 15:57 Don't forget about the good ol' Long John.. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By annas3 | 10 #6385464 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:08 That just means you're a true 'merican. Nothing to be ashamed of OP! Send a private message 3 26 Reply
By Hildy93 | 21 #6385465 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:09 I mean who hasn't dreamt about fucking a donut!? Send a private message 32 3 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 346 You deserved it 65 2 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 760 You deserved it 164 7 Comments