Miscellaneous: Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit... - FML

By Grand Slam - 10/09/2013 18:44 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 684

You deserved it 6 717

Taking stock

Great parenting, dude

Panic

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 04:09 - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 872

You deserved it 4 296

By Cassandra - 14/10/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 573

You deserved it 12 186

Evil will always win

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 08:00

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned 3 separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 177

By meandme - 04/03/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 619

You deserved it 4 425

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:19 - United States - Reno

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 238

You deserved it 28 787

Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma

By fishyrael - 26/01/2021 23:01

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 112

By Judiee - 28/02/2009 10:52 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 572

You deserved it 5 736

By dishwasherforlife - 04/11/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 417

You deserved it 6 140

By darn it. - 20/02/2009 16:16 - United States

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 969

You deserved it 4 137

By Tired - 17/08/2016 17:51

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it and did it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 242

You deserved it 1 051

By monkeywrench - 01/05/2012 05:14 - United States

Today, I got some spam stating that I'd have no love life in the coming 10 years if I didn't reply to it. So, no different to the last 10 years then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 418

You deserved it 2 876

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 4 218

By lovemyteacher - 14/11/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 596

You deserved it 29 526

By heartsick - 24/10/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 921

You deserved it 4 052

Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 208

By Anoymous - 09/06/2013 06:02 - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 571

You deserved it 3 666

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 101

You deserved it 3 489

By anon - 18/01/2016 18:53

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 261

You deserved it 1 443

By mel_bear_ - 14/03/2012 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 248

You deserved it 2 578

By IronFoot - 14/08/2011 02:41 - Canada

Today, while on the roof of my friend's house, I took a shortcut down by jumping onto the roof of his nearby shed. Not only did I go right through it and hurt my arm, I've also received several calls from my friend's dad, demanding I pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 870

You deserved it 54 411

By HoShiz - 25/10/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 414

You deserved it 4 806

By laurenmichela - 12/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 539

You deserved it 2 076

By thosedamnkids - 22/01/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 265

You deserved it 2 628

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 10:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 568

You deserved it 3 819

By callerid - 03/08/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 365

You deserved it 3 762

By ScrewedForCheapBag - 14/03/2013 08:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 363

You deserved it 2 596

The difference

By Robyn_mori - 31/01/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 457

Birthday gift

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 03:00 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to bring my obnoxious ex to my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 146

By radiating - 09/03/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 713

You deserved it 3 189

By Chris - 01/01/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 412

You deserved it 3 907

By nomorenakedpicsplease - 07/07/2013 05:21 - Canada - Leduc

Spicy

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 310

You deserved it 5 265

By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - 19/03/2013 06:32 - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 242

You deserved it 9 081

By myself - 20/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Spicy

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 396

You deserved it 31 138

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 3 069

By derped-out sperm - 01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 027

You deserved it 5 908

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 01:30

Today, after dating a guy for 2 months, things seemed to be going well. I offered to buy dinner and trusted he would keep in mind that I'm a college student on a budget. He picked the restaurant, ran up the bill over $100, made me pay, and dumped me right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 065

You deserved it 640

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 200

You deserved it 1 646

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 11:17 - United States - Gurnee

Today, my tiny apartment flooded. My family lives out of state and the few friends I have all gave me B.S. excuses for why I can't stay over for a few nights. I'm so broke this month that I'll probably have to hit up my psycho ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 050

You deserved it 1 848

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 2 192

Nice sheen

By Vicki - 23/07/2021 14:03 - Canada

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 714

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Top comments

theninja1800 11

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:06

Sounds like you got... Self served. *YEAHHHHHHH*

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:04

Ace!

Comments

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:04

Ace!

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:10

It was a hell of a smash, possibly even backhanded.

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:45

At least it wasn't his nuts

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 4:02

Self-LUV.

corporatescoundr 25

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 5:44

Took my pun :/

theninja1800 11

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:06

Sounds like you got... Self served. *YEAHHHHHHH*

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:55

(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:08

Incredibly good use of the joke hahaha

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:06

that's a grand slap!

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 4:22

I hope he at least got he point for the serve.

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:30

The OP's thinking he's Nadal!

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:07

At least it was your face and not your tennis balls!!!!!

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:07

Sounds like a lovely dream. You forgot to add in the part where you won the point. I'll let you in on a secret - It was definitely an unforced error since you can't control your dreams.

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 3:53

You can't... Unless it's a lucid dream. I've been working towards achieving lucid dreams, had four so far, and I can guarantee you that you can control your actions there. c:

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:08

This might be the best laugh I've gotten from reading an FML.

MoronsAccount1 12

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:08

It's time to take a break from the Wii, my friend.

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:03

Oddly enough, this is the exact circumstance which caused Shigeru Miyamoto to make Mario Tennis.

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:09

Well at least you can say you made it to the grand slam

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 8:59

Bro, do you even tennis?

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:09

Haha that's funny.

goldenturtlez 7

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 3:48

Haha please continue this work of genius :) *loads shotgun*

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 0:10

I, for some reason, imagined this in response to the Martin Luther King Jr. speech. Oh really, Dr. King? I had a dream once. I was playing tennis and i woke up because i slapped myself in the face

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 16:26

Haha so did I... I must be tired.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 28

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 186

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 258