Health: Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I... - FML

By M_Kclift1994 - 20/01/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 666

You deserved it 8 447

Hiding from the drama

There's no helping some people

Keep your distance

By obviously not the favorite - 05/07/2017 18:37

Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 550

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 435

You deserved it 4 644

Oh, hai Mark

By grossuncle - 25/02/2010 17:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple of pages, I saw my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 090

You deserved it 2 837

By runandmope - 29/07/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 767

You deserved it 8 916

Rejection

By creditwhore - 24/02/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year-old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 565

You deserved it 2 871

By TotallyFkd - 22/01/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 582

You deserved it 2 938

Uncomfortable

By Jules - 09/12/2020 08:02 - Germany - Norden

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 13:03 - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 6 510

The Intruder

By sad_unicorn - 19/04/2017 06:00 - Australia - Yagoona

Spicy

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 871

You deserved it 977

Bad thought

By Anonymous - 24/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 21:03 - United States

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 609

You deserved it 9 508

By SonofMnemosyne - 19/11/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 483

You deserved it 289

By Andy - 19/12/2016 12:38

Today, on my Facebook newsfeed, I noticed a photo of a coworker. In the comment section of the photo he and his wife had written "I love you" to each other. As a joke I commented "get a room". Turns out the woman with the same surname as my coworker wasn't in fact his wife, but his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 860

You deserved it 6 148

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 43 518

By uh-oh - 25/03/2012 05:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 3 710

By ouch - 01/09/2010 13:50 - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 267

You deserved it 4 174

By Halloweenie - 16/10/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 073

You deserved it 5 422

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 15 595

By Username - 27/12/2010 08:39

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 994

You deserved it 4 887

By hold your horses pony boy - 18/04/2014 18:24 - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 149

You deserved it 13 663

By Anonymous - 11/02/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 923

You deserved it 8 782

Always wear protective gear

By Anonymous - 06/06/2020 14:02

Today, while nailing a board down, I hit my thumb with the hammer. As I reached to console my throbbing finger, I dropped the hammer on my foot. When I went down to hold my foot, I smacked my head on the board. Now I've got a concussion, a smashed finger, and a bruised foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 607

By Nomoresandwish - 29/11/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 13 395

By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 378

You deserved it 5 679

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 885

You deserved it 4 710

By animelover - 25/07/2010 23:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 610

You deserved it 10 789

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 309

You deserved it 3 324

By SmallAngel - 22/03/2013 00:35 - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 176

You deserved it 3 551

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Spicy

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 865

You deserved it 6 759

By shugberry - 01/09/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 115

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 980

You deserved it 3 922

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 094

You deserved it 41 773

By dwellswithin - 20/07/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 403

You deserved it 4 529

By Gemma - 03/11/2010 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 60 581

By CA - 08/10/2015 14:46 - Norway

Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 508

You deserved it 1 606

By tillybonkers - 26/09/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a guy in a flaming car by busting his window to get him out. I didn't realize until after the crash scene was cleared, that I didn't just have his blood on me, but I also had cut from the window. Round 3 of aids testing here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 063

You deserved it 278

By nomegusta - 05/01/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 272

You deserved it 28 001

Too trusting

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 20:00

Today, I made the major mistake of trusting a fart during a job interview. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 890

By pauper - 09/02/2012 01:20

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 211

You deserved it 8 734

By pissed out pants - 18/01/2015 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 882

You deserved it 3 890

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Top comments

iamgoofymovie 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:35

#11 quit complaining because ur fml's don't get posted...ur being a big baby...

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:44

your friend's fml was probably rejected because it was SAD! this site is meant to be light and funny, not depressing. we're supposed to get a laugh at someone else's expense. it would be pretty fucked up to laugh at your friend's fml.

Comments

iamgoofymovie 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:15

first!

suaveneanderthal 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:19

when i was in high school i used to fall asleep with my pencil in my hand and when i woke up i would always toss my pencil across the room.

541 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 2:45

forty first! also lol ydi for not sleeping enough outside of school

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 5:04

I never dream of falling.. It really sux.. I don't think I have any dreams in my unconscious, lately..

spiderman0606 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 7:44

If you cant remember your dreams (at all, like you question whether you even had a dream) or you don't even dream, that just means you were sleeping really, really heavily. That's why light sleepers and day dreamers do all the dreaming.

Leahy 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 8:18

your a douche bag

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Thursday 21 January 2010 8:43

you're a douche bag

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 10:22

You're a douche bag. Are we talking about me or Rob Pattinson?

Redneckcrazyyy 6

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Saturday 12 October 2013 2:54

Really?

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:15

haha

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Friday 3 August 2012 7:37

2, no

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:16

ouch...... hope your OK

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:16

FIRST COMMENT!!!

mcrgirljessica 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:23

FAIL XD HAHA

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:46

Actually, #4, you're FOURTH. And OP, FYL.

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:16

2nd

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:18

sucksss

quietlytearful 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:21

7th!!!

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Thursday 21 January 2010 3:36

I love how the count goes from 6 to 8, and you said 7th.

containsnosoy 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 4:06

Seventh is at the top, but he's closer to the number he's supposed to be than the one who said second and the other who said first. xD

gewt 4

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Friday 22 January 2010 0:27

its because he had to reply up there, so he would feel good about himself

VanessaVander 2

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:26

ouch! fyl

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:33

How the fuck does this fuck your life?! This is so stupid! How is it no matter what I post as an FML it gets rejected! My friend put that she had lost both her legs when a drunk driver hit her and that being in the olympics was her dream. Guess the fuck what! IT WAS REJECTED!

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:44

your friend's fml was probably rejected because it was SAD! this site is meant to be light and funny, not depressing. we're supposed to get a laugh at someone else's expense. it would be pretty fucked up to laugh at your friend's fml.

AnonymousDuck 0

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Thursday 21 January 2010 13:01

No, no. This person does indeed deserve an FYL. For being upset that none of his FMLs got posted and getting upset over the internet

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Thursday 21 January 2010 19:00

This site is for funny FML's that people can LAUGH at. Maybe that's why it was rejected? No one's going to laugh at a girl losing her legs and it ruining her dreams. Maybe if she broke her leg? You're an idiot.

babykitsune102 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:01

im not ganna lie i would laugh if that was posted :D

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Thursday 21 January 2010 1:34

Oh my goodness, that kinda happens to me at skool too lol Or I start twitching a lot...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 83

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 87