Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces,... - FML

By Ammile

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2721

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

Deadly cocktail

Laundry drama

By Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49403

You deserved it

9345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, like most days, I spent my lunch break with a sandwich in one hand while typing with the other, trying to keep up with my work load, while my coworker took a nap. We're supposed to be doing the same job, but he refuses to learn most of the software. The boss is fine with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3623

You deserved it

360

Tweet

Share

By paulcorrea95 - United States

Boozing on the job

Today, I was at work, cleaning up a construction site. I picked up a beer can and accidentally spilled some of it on me. My boss came in to check on me and thought I was drunk. Instead of getting a raise, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By decenthumanbeing

Today, I entered a restaurant just to use the WiFi. In order not to look cheap, I ordered a meal and a beverage. The WiFi didn't work and now I don't have enough money to buy dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6915

You deserved it

12644

Tweet

Share

By Robyn - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12575

You deserved it

27900

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40541

You deserved it

9383

Tweet

Share

By fedupson - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30011

You deserved it

2631

Tweet

Share

By Shoe - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8891

You deserved it

39735

Tweet

Share

By Problem - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27261

You deserved it

2406

Tweet

Share

By pooped - China

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71827

You deserved it

5777

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Indiana

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30797

You deserved it

2718

Tweet

Share

By fuck you sis

Loyalty card

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2150

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By CandlesSuck - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16769

You deserved it

29247

Tweet

Share

By officework - Canada - Toronto

Today, during the "what can your manager do to help with your career aspirations" section of my annual review, my manager basically told me she wouldn't help me and I should quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22373

You deserved it

1645

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28234

You deserved it

9637

Tweet

Share

By David3000 - Australia

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42752

You deserved it

27798

Tweet

Share

By oops999 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62783

You deserved it

9405

Tweet

Share

By kermudgen - United States

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25082

You deserved it

16867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29331

You deserved it

4872

Tweet

Share

By fuggers :/ - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48433

You deserved it

3797

Tweet

Share

By namenlos - Australia

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37073

You deserved it

6123

Tweet

Share

By HBC - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38298

You deserved it

5102

Tweet

Share

By Dirtisgood

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2949

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By Sugartits

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4987

You deserved it

374

Tweet

Share

By Redfaced - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58613

You deserved it

11707

Tweet

Share

By Solo coffee

Today, it's my last day of work at my job of 2 and a half years. I organised to have coffee with my coworkers at a cafe. Only I turned up. I had my farewell coffee alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5383

You deserved it

441

Tweet

Share

By really mom - United States - Montgomery

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30128

You deserved it

2090

Tweet

Share

By Taraa3 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25063

You deserved it

4983

Tweet

Share

By StaceZN

Today, on site, my client was certain she had switched off her electric fence prior to me conducting an inspection of her boundary retaining wall. I overbalanced on my ladder and grabbed at the fence wires for support. The electricity was not switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9772

You deserved it

897

Tweet

Share

By juliestrawsky

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1354

You deserved it

533

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51322

You deserved it

6641

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18587

You deserved it

7272

Tweet

Share

By Username - India

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25809

You deserved it

4720

Tweet

Share

By F U mil - 12/8/2020 23:05

I'll get right on it, chief

Today, my mother-in-law called me selfish, lazy and a bad mother for giving my kids chores, like picking up toys and shoes. When we got married, my husband didn’t even know how to load a dishwasher or run a load of laundry. According to her, a "real mother" waits on her family hand and foot. Yeah, OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By anomynous - 3/12/2020 11:01

Jingle bells

Today, I woke up with my period. At least I'm getting into the Christmas spirit with red and green shorts, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks

575

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By unlucky - 27/9/2020 10:49

Heavy sleeper

Today, I had a migraine. I decided to wear earplugs to block out sound while I slept. I don't usually wear them because they hurt my ears like nobody's business. The one day I wear earplugs, I get robbed. In the middle of the day. Through my own bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

By worried - Ireland

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39308

You deserved it

8446

Tweet

Share

By oops123 - United States

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19194

You deserved it

29275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous Pillock - United Kingdom

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41614

You deserved it

4207

Tweet

Share

By Iamfurios

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks

8444

You deserved it

687

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alycion | 38

#7742824 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 9:04

Burn it down. It’s the only solution.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7742775 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 4:32

You really odour spray some air freshener or something.

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7742775 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 4:32

You really odour spray some air freshener or something.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7742777 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 4:39

Yeah.. FYL

By alycion | 38

#7742824 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 9:04

Burn it down. It’s the only solution.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7742963 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 17:49

That customer would have been sent out the door within 10 seconds!