Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces,... - FML

By Ammile - 25/12/2018 04:00

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2709

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

Delayed proposal

The student becomes the master

Live dumping

By oops - 4/3/2016 21:28 - United States - Mankato

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18941

You deserved it

3375

Tweet

Share

By Noob - 5/3/2018 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4658

You deserved it

425

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 14:00

Hangover

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

769

You deserved it

2954

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2882

You deserved it

220

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/6/2012 08:50 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31671

You deserved it

2201

Tweet

Share

By ohcrap - 2/6/2011 10:05 - United States

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16205

You deserved it

36257

Tweet

Share

By Natsert99 - 8/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12656

You deserved it

1158

Tweet

Share

By Munch - 12/9/2017 04:00 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4157

You deserved it

855

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 14:54 - United States - Erie

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11517

You deserved it

49340

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, my brother spent the whole day making a harpoon out of an old Tiki torch to bring on vacation with us to Sauble Beach, and he plans on using this contraption. On the beach. With all of us there to watch. He's 17 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1179

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By nutrigrain123 - 23/5/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45464

You deserved it

27474

Tweet

Share

By herdopera - 29/10/2018 17:30

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2878

You deserved it

213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43114

You deserved it

2558

Tweet

Share

By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - 24/8/2012 04:08 - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38051

You deserved it

1964

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 27/2/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

122083

You deserved it

13307

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 05:35

Today, I got stood up by all five of my friends. I had to spend two hours getting hit on by a guy because I didn't feel safe to drive home. Their excuse? They didn't think I was serious when I said I was already at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8303

You deserved it

732

Tweet

Share

By A troubled ex med school student - 6/2/2013 03:08 - United States - Dublin

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33114

You deserved it

6660

Tweet

Share

By funnywoe - 19/7/2020 20:01

Gratitude walks

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1393

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By gonnafail - 16/11/2013 20:18 - United States - York

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45601

You deserved it

3265

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 03:04

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54906

You deserved it

5631

Tweet

Share

By pumpkinbutt - 17/1/2010 21:08 - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28919

You deserved it

4686

Tweet

Share

By notworthit - 23/2/2010 00:53 - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28629

You deserved it

4630

Tweet

Share

By hotboxed - 13/7/2019 18:30

Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

344

Tweet

Share

By camerashyguy - 20/9/2014 03:14 - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36790

You deserved it

8850

Tweet

Share

By YeahWhatOkay - 9/2/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53281

You deserved it

4794

Tweet

Share

By Anna - 6/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24492

You deserved it

64510

Tweet

Share

By unworthyoflove - 9/6/2020 14:07

Parenting 101

Today, I told my parents that I was going to stop being so hard on myself all the time. They responded by calling me a narcissist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1249

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By DanteWest1000 - 3/4/2012 04:43 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28842

You deserved it

7568

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2017 12:00

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3599

You deserved it

356

Tweet

Share

By Rick - 14/3/2010 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17784

You deserved it

32778

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/8/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63522

You deserved it

15818

Tweet

Share

By Somerandomguy64 - 10/12/2013 18:04 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46075

You deserved it

9699

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2013 06:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23997

You deserved it

52783

Tweet

Share

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4386

You deserved it

945

Tweet

Share

By Kid - 17/3/2010 09:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17016

You deserved it

80149

Tweet

Share

By babypenguin00 - 29/8/2015 19:20 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26926

You deserved it

1920

Tweet

Share

By catfriend - 6/5/2014 05:42 - United States - Salida

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45888

You deserved it

4816

Tweet

Share

By whyme102008 - 13/7/2011 06:32 - United States

Family Matters

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

151333

You deserved it

8612

Tweet

Share

By Jarman - 26/7/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33809

You deserved it

5837

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyugly - 15/6/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54224

You deserved it

15165

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alycion | 38

#7742824 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 9:04

Burn it down. It’s the only solution.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7742775 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 4:32

You really odour spray some air freshener or something.

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7742775 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 4:32

You really odour spray some air freshener or something.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7742777 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 4:39

Yeah.. FYL

By alycion | 38

#7742824 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 9:04

Burn it down. It’s the only solution.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7742963 - Tuesday 25 December 2018 17:49

That customer would have been sent out the door within 10 seconds!