Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once...

By embarassed - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27828

You deserved it

5323

Favorite

Work

Dangling modifier

And today, on Dr Phil…

KoBabe

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33601

You deserved it

2432

Favorite

By overflowing - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34092

You deserved it

8617

Favorite

By holy sleet - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27733

You deserved it

41628

Favorite

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37393

You deserved it

7769

Favorite

By WhatALoserAmI - India - Bhopal

Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14587

You deserved it

849

Favorite

By Anonymous - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15595

You deserved it

1030

Favorite

By lk26 - United States

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35487

You deserved it

2905

Favorite

By TheLemon - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7752

You deserved it

548

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13361

You deserved it

131700

Favorite

By EdwinOEF - United Arab Emirates

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39560

You deserved it

3013

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36088

You deserved it

6691

Favorite

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32652

You deserved it

47347

Favorite

By notsexy - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33992

You deserved it

83154

Favorite

By Heather - United States

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69292

You deserved it

10892

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13035

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1629

Favorite

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31203

You deserved it

3007

Favorite

By QueenCortana Tiffany Turner

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1501

You deserved it

281

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72061

You deserved it

7268

Favorite

By iliterallypoopedmyself - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30669

You deserved it

3845

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26537

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32364

You deserved it

9452

Favorite

By Annebelle - United States

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53820

You deserved it

6710

Favorite

By OhPleaseNo - 7/4/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

We could be heroes

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1603

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By insideout - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30347

You deserved it

127723

Favorite

By Screamingfirecracker - Canada

Today I finally worked up the nerve to quit my job after being tortured by my boss for months. My boss responded by throwing a hard-covered textbook at me and hitting me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13958

You deserved it

872

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw a guy at a bar that looked cute. I didn't dare talk to him, though. When I was on my way home, drunkenly singing the entire way, I finally noticed he was walking along behind me. Probably for about 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1300

You deserved it

464

Favorite

By I wasn't being clingy geez - United States - Anchorage

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11169

You deserved it

820

Favorite

By TaintedL0v3 - 11/3/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom - London

Heavy session last night?

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1122

You deserved it

192

Favorite

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46306

You deserved it

3694

Favorite

By Beefy Man - United States - Lehi

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13367

You deserved it

1883

Favorite

By onefmlafteranother

Vicious dog

Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

534

Favorite

By lalala2494

Today, I said, "Bless you" when someone sneezed on television. That's how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1570

You deserved it

188

Favorite

By anne

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4996

You deserved it

746

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 08:00

Stolen valor

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1709

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By unwantedlove - France

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40999

You deserved it

6879

Favorite

By pampa31 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25661

You deserved it

1682

Favorite

By justine - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43844

You deserved it

3058

Favorite

By sisterly love - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50086

You deserved it

4134

Favorite

By Craig - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29172

You deserved it

7953

Favorite

By cero_kewl - United States

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33412

You deserved it

2937

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DahkLohd | 4

#1966440 - Friday 14 January 2011 16:04

Is that why Popeye was trying to French you?

By youfailed18 | 0

#1966408 - Friday 14 January 2011 15:58

Check your teeth next time too. Problem solved.

COMMENTS

By youfailed18 | 0

#1966408 - Friday 14 January 2011 15:58

Check your teeth next time too. Problem solved.

Hide_Yo_Kids | 0

#1966475 - Friday 14 January 2011 16:08

want me to lick it off

gooBUZZ | 0

#1966537 - Friday 14 January 2011 16:26

I will. Jokes, fag. (;

gooBUZZ | 0

#1966593 - Friday 14 January 2011 16:42

Oh ouch -.- first comment I've had moderated. Lol well anyway, OP that sucks, and #1 is right.

nathan5 | 0

#1966602 - Friday 14 January 2011 16:49

Hide yo kids, hide yo Wife, cus 11's creepin errbody out here!

iSitt | 0

#1966729 - Friday 14 January 2011 17:29

Sorry, did you say something ? I was staring at your boobs.

angeljewlz | 7

#1967399 - Friday 14 January 2011 20:43

I agree with #1 I mean, you know you're eating spinach. Why wouldn't check your teeth afterward? Sucks that nobody told you, but YDI for not checking.

By alextheguineapig | 0

#1966412 - Friday 14 January 2011 15:59

couldn't you have looked in the mirror when you took a bathroom break or something?

fiveonefiveoh | 0

#1966767 - Friday 14 January 2011 17:51

yeah! because we all constantly check the mirror, rite? do u do that after every meal??

well, I do cuz I'm vain. I have my own little pocket mirror thing, and I'm a guy, haha..

but yeah, most people don't tho. her coworkers shoulda been helpful!