Love: Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a...

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 17:15 - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 482

You deserved it 10 409

Love

Spreading

Leave spiders alone

You light up my life

Awkward...

By What’sGoingOn - 26/03/2018 05:00

Today, I accidentally sent a dick pic to my coach instead of my girlfriend. He sent one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 182

You deserved it 6 101

By jobless and broke - 29/07/2015 18:40 - United States - Mesa

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 034

You deserved it 2 428

Cogs in the machine

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 04:01 - United Kingdom - Lincoln

Today, I was dismissed from my job for my poor absence record. I'd not received any formal warnings, and was dismissed on the spot. My absences were because of my disability. He didn't even ask for medical records. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 115

By she knows - 08/10/2013 16:30 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 112

You deserved it 3 270

By RichardPencil - 07/10/2016 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 172

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 218

By Alissa - 29/06/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I'd give him head one last time before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 678

You deserved it 6 893

By Cookie_monster - 08/03/2017 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 176

You deserved it 2 099

Real friends

By MartinGitGud - 13/03/2021 08:01

Today, I was saying goodbye to all my close friends before I move out of state. I'd made plans with one friend in particular to meet up before I move away; he didn't bother to respond to my message or calls. Guess I confused a coworker for a friend, huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 13/04/2013 22:53 - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 291

You deserved it 7 879

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 05:00

Today, I decided to drive to the airport and park in extended stay. As the plane was going down the runway, I tried to spot my car. I found it very quickly as the car alarm was going off and all its lights were flashing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 380

You deserved it 437

By rofld - 14/07/2010 16:47 - United States

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 818

You deserved it 27 982

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 099

You deserved it 2 829

By 2for1 - 28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 141

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

By Anonymous - 26/09/2017 19:34

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 417

By Savingforplasticsurgery - 14/04/2018 19:00

Today, at work, I heard a child whisper, "Mom, why do that woman's ears look like that?" The mom replied, "Because she's not smart enough for a good job." I have large plug ears and a degree in mechanical engineering. I waitress because no engineering firm will hire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 347

You deserved it 2 421

By Jeff G. - 23/01/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I had to send a picture of my Grandma at her funeral to my girlfriend, because she thought I was out cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 520

You deserved it 5 858

What a surprise!

By damnit. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 042

You deserved it 1 965

By Raset24 - 30/06/2016 17:40

Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 634

You deserved it 1 060

By Lamediseased - 29/09/2016 15:07 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 757

By almost - 22/08/2017 16:00

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a roller coaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 186

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 09:26 - Vietnam

Today, I finally had the confidence to show my girlfriend my hairy chest/stomach. I'm very self conscious about it, and get embarrassed easily. She said I looked disgusting, called me Chewbacca and broke up with me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 7 135

By Anonymous - 08/10/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 836

You deserved it 2 315

By loveyouson - 09/01/2013 18:48 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 142

You deserved it 6 774

By I care too much - 06/05/2019 04:00

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 113

We need to know more!

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 08:00 - Austria

Today, I lost the best girl that I’ve ever met, she blocked me on every social media and I don't know why, she wrote to me every day, and suddenly I got blocked. Her birthday is in one month, I had the best present and I can't even change or return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 162

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 857

You deserved it 70 539

By driven_crazy - 12/12/2014 19:52 - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 830

You deserved it 7 948

W.T.F.

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 06:00

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 945

You deserved it 580

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 23:36 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 303

You deserved it 10 688

By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - 25/02/2013 19:47 - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 365

You deserved it 5 053

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 2 495

Seems unlikely

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 22:01 - United States - Brookville

Today, I teasingly asked my crush why he never came to visit me in my dorm. He said that all his friends there had moved out and gotten apartments, so he had no reason to go to my dorm. Oh. I thought we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 117

By jerkgirl - 08/04/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 721

You deserved it 113 071

By Pithegreat - 06/01/2016 04:48 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 567

You deserved it 2 021

By norestforthewicked - 19/04/2011 04:30

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 040

You deserved it 4 312

Long story short

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 20:08

Today, after I'd been on and off with this girl for 6 years, I finally proposed in October 2018 and she'd said yes. A year later we got a house. By March, she is seeing another girl. And now, we still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 416

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 194

You deserved it 7 411

By ShutUp007 - 22/11/2014 02:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 2 432

By JRock - 22/02/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 833

You deserved it 4 853

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Top comments

amart402 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:27

so break up with him. duh.

dreamer13 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:28

Ass Alert

amart402 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:27

so break up with him. duh.

llAllStarll 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:31

I 2nd this motion

Anonnamus 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:32

I say you dump ON him. Put that half-eaten hamburger to use.

cookiemobzta 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:33

why would you eat off his meal?? you deserve that for being cheap

XxRayRayxX 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:44

shut the fuck up you fucking cunt

Shae84 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:46

is he a fat kid?

pinkpolsih 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:01

yeah. you should have said well too bad you weren't lucky enough and dump him!

Lg11 3

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:04

I concur

paperisuseful 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:05

how would she deserve tht lmao

Yee12 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:05

YDI fo not making him a hamburger and having to buy him one? if your not gonna cook his food then what are you good for?

PandasRtheShit 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:06

Is he the hamburgler??

uranidiot84 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:13

dump the loser. cheat on him first. clearly he's a pos.

theswag 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:18

I agree, ditch him.

reyemrein 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:18

Better yet, Mary him and take half of his stuff. Use the divorce money to start up a successful chain of hamburger resteraunts.

guckylynn 19

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:24

I hope your broke up with him right then and there.

exotica_fml 6

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:29

i love your icon! LOL

succubusprime 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:36

Momma SuccubusPrime said he's a cheap bastard and to dump him. I say stay with him and learn some damn manners, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and eating his food is counter productive.

mcicycool 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:47

ur bf is a fatty(: heehee

aardvarkish 15

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Friday 5 March 2010 1:07

to #62: I think that truism became obsolete at the end of the stone age. These days, it's probably more of an intellectual process. But I could be wrong.

Jrook 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 1:11

idk if the way to a mans stomach is through his stomach... but the fastest way to a mans prostate is up the butt

Jrsrusty 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 1:17

holy control freak. id never jump on anyone that hard for something that stupid...

kayvan 8

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Friday 5 March 2010 1:28

If you cook him a hamburger, make sure you fill it with some special sauce first (use your imagination).

sublime93 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 1:31

44, I love your picture.

Resquall 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 1:34

@90 Prostate=urinary system=penis

colomexparra 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 2:14

hahaha 45 that comment made my year

AndreaHaha 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 2:22

Wow break up with you because you took a bite of his hamburger?? that's stupid he must not care for you that much or either he just likes hamburgers more. I say dump em

hastaperi 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 2:34

There's already one out there. It's called McDonalds.

WordsOfHope 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 2:57

29 is right

Dwight_A_R_Manag 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 3:21

Is OP dating an 8 year old?

acccccccc 1

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Friday 5 March 2010 3:39

I normally like it when girls eat my meat if you know what I mean ;)

daniel1_1 13

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Friday 5 March 2010 3:48

Well yo are lucky he didn't...

hot_tamale26 3

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Friday 5 March 2010 4:13

wow. he sounds like a real winner. what a classy guy.

spiderman0606 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 4:13

JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.

CrazierSeb09 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 4:29

@45 YES epic win

GeoThermalSleuth 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 4:33

It's simple, DON'T STEAL BITES OF FOOD FROM FRIENDS!!!

strawberryhtty 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 5:17

LMFAO

nyny26 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 5:28

YDI if you actually bought another hamburger... kindergarden failure: doesn't know how to share

dude247 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 5:37

that's why you never touch a mans food you deserve it FYL

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 5 March 2010 5:40

wow 62- it's a hamburger, if this was a 100 bite out of his lobster I would understand him but dang?? I am protective of my food but if it was my gf I wouldve been fine, and here it wouldve been even more fine cuz it was a hamburger at McD's for a dollar, dump him

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 5 March 2010 5:41

$100* implement dollar sign in front of 100

sexidimplez 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 7:53

I agree don't fuck with a man's food they get irritable lol

christinnaaa 10

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Friday 5 March 2010 8:06

NomDeGuerre 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 8:26

@#108: Nope.. #90 had it right.

woofis 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 8:32

fuck I would do the same thing and now I'm hungry!

tatte3 1

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Friday 5 March 2010 9:20

dump his and throw a burger at him

fatman1970 25

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Friday 5 March 2010 15:10

I couldn't have put it better myself. The boyfriend needs to grow up fast.

rohosoccer08 1

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Friday 5 March 2010 16:30

[email protected] you stole my thoughts, I've been thinking about that since I read this fml lol

liveloveandownit 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 17:24

You deserve it completely. Women always order a salad and then steal your meat. If you want meat just order it I have no problem paying for the more expensive dish but I want to eat my food not give up half of it because your rabit food isn't enough for you when I said get whatever you want. (Devil's advocate)

liveloveandownit 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 17:23

messiferlife19 0

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Saturday 6 March 2010 2:49

thats what you deserve for toucgobg the mans hamburger

wordgirl 0

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Saturday 6 March 2010 16:36

Jrook (#90): But which one will make him pay your bills and father your kidsies? Prostate or stomach? :p

StoD_fml 0

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Saturday 6 March 2010 22:38

Ooooh! "U want fries with that?" Kkk

megastupid 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 5:52

can I get some age reference cuz that retard sounds like a 7 year old

duhasstwarum 0

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Saturday 10 April 2010 15:45

#31 why would she cheat because he over-reacted thats out of order and #352 i am the same i hate people eatingmy food but i would never threaten to dump somone because of that he must not like her that much anyway.

My2864 1

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Thursday 12 August 2010 7:12

14,its called sharing.. and also why would he react in such a dumbass way

kal915 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 19:08

yeah if my girl took a bite off my burger, I'd think it was cute and probably feed her you should just do what 45 said

itman3456 0

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Saturday 19 March 2011 7:19

Stfu with your chody ass

sadmansteve1 0

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Monday 28 March 2011 5:56

Honestly why are you dating him?

dgr8ing 0

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Saturday 23 April 2011 21:43

THEN AND THERE!

dgr8ing 0

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Saturday 23 April 2011 21:45

unless you are a man. don't pretend to know we are all dicks

jackiez333 6

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Thursday 9 June 2011 5:11

moition passed

JrRacer4007 0

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Friday 12 August 2011 10:04

Pandas Are the SHIT!! great name!

dreamer13 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:28

Ass Alert

bhangu023 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:52

u shud say ur lucky I didn't dump YOU

mina637 0

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Friday 5 March 2010 0:10

i wud have been like. im not gonna buy u a fuckin burger. jeez!!! i eat from my guy friends food all the fuckin time. and theyre not even my boyfriend(s)!!