Miscellaneous: Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails.... - FML

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 829

You deserved it 68 936

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Same thing different taste

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 20 774

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 431

You deserved it 61 488

By WeldedShut - 03/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 780

You deserved it 8 267

On the runs

By coloneltushfinger - 12/06/2019 16:00

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 371

Taint

By PaintedBum - 11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 401

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 028

You deserved it 54 358

By ew - 03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 543

You deserved it 49 988

By nicki - 14/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 454

You deserved it 8 159

Own it

By psychortiz - 03/06/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 618

You deserved it 16 715

By ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 316

You deserved it 8 364

Next

Top comments

rayray206 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 7:39

did you do a shitty job on your nails? oh how i love puns

GlamorusKaos 1

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:55

Lmao .... thats funny as hell

Comments

GlamorusKaos 1

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:55

Lmao .... thats funny as hell

Tikal_fml 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 2:02

Haha, I'm so glad that sort of thing couldn't happen to me. ^^

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:37

LMAO that sounds like something I might do if I had any reason to paint my nails.

Cyanide_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 19:32

Im sorry bu that has to be the funniest thing i have ever read. =D

dcd237 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:42

lmaooooooooooooooooooo and wow your in complete denial #20

kikigonemad5786 0

Friday 27 February 2009 9:02

probably the funniest thing ive heard in a while.

Bee123_fml 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 8:00

ur so stupid.

rayray206 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 7:39

did you do a shitty job on your nails? oh how i love puns

pennylane69 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 8:29

i do this ALL THE TIME!!! hahahahahahaha

liamandme18 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 1:56

HAHAHAHA this made me laugh out loud. too bad i'm in the same room as my mom and she gave me a dirty look and i had to explain to her hat FML is. i'm sure that wasn't too comfortable. if you were bored before you started painting your nails, what did you do while you waited to wipe?!

alyssadapsycho 7

Saturday 13 March 2010 21:22

^ win

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The Top

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You deserved it 14 749

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You deserved it 174

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 186 240

You deserved it 10 735

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I agree, your life sucks 52 429

You deserved it 4 403

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I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 91

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 684

You deserved it 3 886

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 037

You deserved it 3 496

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 4 014