By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks 6 430
You deserved it 61 473

Same thing different taste

Top comments

How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.


Blue_Coconuts 7

Unless OP took a huge dump on his hands, they shouldn't horribly gross. But still, it's smart to be clean.

Well, most people wipe themselves after taking a huge dump. Unless it was a flawless victory.

I agree with #5. I'm not horribly strict about hand-washing either, and I gnaw on my fingers all day. I've never once gotten sick/shit in my mouth. You have to have pretty bad aim to get shit actually on your hand when you wipe, and I don't now about anyone else, but I use this thing called toilet paper.

I would think that having shit on the other side of a very thin piece of paper would be a good enough reason to wash your hands, but whatever floats your boat.

YourEvilHero 12

mortal kombat flawless victory. anyways use toilet paper next time

20 you're my hero and watching all these positive comments is gonna make me think 100 time before shaking hand with anyone

did u have a bad taste in your mouth op?

ryguy997 0

29: just like your username?

Monikabug 9

@34 Actually, caviar is not that bad, you just have to have a taste for it. ツ

what's with these people being openly casual about handwashing, that's disgusting and terrible hygene. some dirty, smelly, greasy middle schoolers thinking they sweet not washing their hands..

daydreamstar 7

OP, If you werent a man, I would ask you if werethe woman who previously had been the record holder for longest finger nails, though recently lost em in an accident, and did this outta habit..... sooo.. you dont have enough money for toilet paper. this is a more of a ewwwwwwww next please.' :/ lol

I really don't understand the people who are saying they don't wash their hands. Do you even realise how much filth your hands come into contact with every day? Excellent comment, Freeze.

Agreed. It's disgusting how many people walk out of the stall and leave without stopping by the sink first. For the morons who think toilet paper is good enough protection between their poo and their hands, they fail to consider what they pick up when touching the handle of the toilet, the stall lock/handle and the bathroom door handle. Guess they don't realize how far aerosolized poop/urine spread everytime a toilet is flushed without the lid down (and toilets in most public places don't have lids plus, when at home, most people don't shut the lid before flushing). It's just gross to eliminate without hand-washing afterwards.

people are stupid and disgusting. it doesn't take more than 2 minutes to wash your hands under warm water. Lazy as hell and also stupid to not wash your hands

Dwight_A_R_Manag 0

Unless you used your hands instead of toilet paper there shouldn't be shit on your hands, plus do you not wash your hands

Yes, all the people saying "ewwwww, wash you'r hands after taking a dump!!! just use a sink!!!!" There is a recent invention called 'Anti-Bacterial Hand Sanitizer" that a lot of people use nowadays.

@benLarge1: Thanks for promoting the mutation and creation of superviruses Ben. Plain old soap, a sink and some scrubbing is the best way to go. @OP: It should be habit to anyone to wash their hand immediately after going to the loo. I imagine near every toilet or washroom should be a sink... Shame on you.

To all who are in a panic about how everyone doesn't wash their hands all the time: people lived for thousands of years without ever having soap. We didn't even know germs existed until a few hundred Yeats ago. People back then had way worse living conditions than we did, and they didn't get sick every time they took a dump. I'm not advocating for no handwashing, I'm just trying to keep things in perspective. People who don't wash their hands every five minutes aren't subhuman germ monsters.

cucuto89 0

Onychophagia or nail biting is a common oral compulsive habit in children and adults, affecting around 30% of children between 7 to 10 years and 45% of teenagers.[1] Negative effects Bitten fingertips can become very sensitive to pain, usually at the place the skin meets the edge of the nail. Hangnails are broken skin on the cuticle. When they are improperly removed, they are susceptible to microbial and viral infections producing whitlows. Saliva may then redden and infect the skin.[1] Finally it may also result in the transportation of bacteria that are buried under the surface of the nail, or pinworms from anus region to mouth.[2][3] Nail biting is also related to dental problems, such as gingival injury.[4] Regarding social effects the aesthetic aspect of the nail may affect employability, self-esteem, and interaction with other people.[5] [edit] Treatment Behavioral treatments are based in discouraging the habit and replace it with a more constructive habit. The most common treatment, as it is cheap and widely available, is a special clear nail polish that has to be applied to the nails. It releases a bitter flavor on contact with the mouth which discourages the habit and has demonstrated its effectiveness.[6] There are also mouthpieces that prevent biting[7] . Behavioral therapy is beneficial when simpler measures are not effective. Habit Reversal Training (HRT), seeks to "unlearn" the habit of nail biting and possibly replace it with a more constructive habit and has shown its effectiveness versus placebo both in children and adults.[8][9] In addition to HRT, stimulus control therapy is used to both identify and then eliminate the stimulus that frequently triggers biting urges.[10] Finally nail cosmetics can help to ameliorate nail biting social effects.[5] [edit] Related disorders Some related body-focused repetitive behaviors are dermatillomania (skin picking), dermatophagia (skin biting) or trichotillomania (urge to pull out hair).

63 - Life expectancy also used to be 40 or lower... Thanks to some of you disgusting people I'm no longer touching ANYTHING someone else could have touched. Hell, I'll just live in a bubble <3 Interesting fact; the germs from your faeces can pass through up to nine layers of toilet paper... Obviously not instantaneously, but ya know...

People suffered illness very frequently and died from horrible diseases like typhoid, TB, many types of food poisoning and hepatitis. Suffering was very widespread. I don't think it's a good idea to be *obsessive* about cleanliness but we maintain good quality of life by having STANDARDS, and one of those standards is to WASH YOUR HANDS after using the toilet. It's so easy and so basic and you might not get sick but think about the fact that everything you touch after that is spreading to other people. It's so basic. Use some soap and wash your hands after the toilet.

I just love getting from the toilet-seat exclaiming "FLAWLESS VICTORY!" with my Mortal Kombat voice.

Life expectancy didn't double because people started washing their hands....

Yee12 0
Yee12 0

Hahaha i just modded and FML that said today I just read an FML about forgetting to wipe and biting nails Wait what's wrong with that FML. haha who posted that?

Rey, it helped. Better hygiene led to better living standards and longer lives. Would you really not be concerned if your doctor didn't wash his hands before treating you or your food preparer didn't wash his before serving you? Washing hands regularly is the single most effective thing people can do to avoid the spread of illnesses. Also, just because you managed to drop your load cleanly, it doesn't mean everyone else did.

tehamericanboy94 0

I laughed so hard when I read this FML.

Olympian94 0
cater2U 0

what's even worse is the people that instead of washing their hands use that sanitizer stuff. yea it may get rid of bacteria on your hands but it makes fungus grow like crazy it's super nasty. I did an experiment with it in my bio class. also desk keyboards and phones have more bacteria than toilet seats.

alleyx3 0

uh.. your sick. I hope you get a mouth disease ydi

was this fml not moderated cus it ******* suks. wow use some mouth wash and get over it.

use some mouth wash, wash your hands, and get over it.

livluvlaff8 0

okay here's what I think: yeah it's kinda gross that OP didn't wash his/her hands but it's not really an fml that he/she didn't

livluvlaff8 0

well I think that it's not the biggest deal in the world. it's not like getting dumped by ur true love or getting fired or losing a loved one. so take it like a (wo)men!!

@69 - Shokz992 "Hell, I'll just live in a bubble <3" Seinfeld reference? The Bubble Boy episode was hilarious!

volcomst0ned 0

i hope u get infected with e coli for being disgusting

YDI for having to empty your bowels.

wtf. how can some of you guys act like handwashing is not important? im not a germ freak but the least someone can do is wash their hands after going to the toilet. gotta realize how much bacteria and shit comes in contact with hands in one day!

jakeomatic 0

Why do you even bite your nails in the first place? Your hands are dirty even if you don't go to the bathroom.

nommnom_fml 0

wtf o_O some of u ppl actually don't wash ur hands after a shit. U guys r sick... u could have poopie matter on ur hands tsk tsk tsk

what the **** kind of retarded fml is this?! although I wash my hands so other people aren't bothered, I really doubt that with layers and layers of freaking toilet paper any shit gets on ur hands. do u use ur ******* fingernails?! cuz otherwise this is the worst fml I have seen. what where the mods thinking?

nommnom_fml 0

layers an layers of toilet paper? idk how much ur using 0.o but even with the toilet paper separating ur hand and shit. Ur still getting fecal matter on ur hands.

what the **** 154 wrong fml dumbass think before you type

@48 If you're worried about 'aerosolized poop/urine' spreading, doesn't that mean you should shower after every time you use the bathroom? Going a bit overboard aren't you?

Fminetoo 0

Removed by author. Improper internet placement.

ya but do u no how gross it is to not wash your hands???? ewwwwwwwwwwwwww atleast carry one of those pocket sized hand sanitizers

@ 57/benlarge, as a healthcare worker, those liquid antibacterial/alcohol foams are not effective after using the bathroom, when hands are visibly soiled, or after using them 8 times in a row. plus they dry your hands out and crack the skin leading you more prone to infection. that's why I always use good 'ol soap and water in between patients, before/after eating, before/after using bathroom, and after blowing my nose. Hand sanitizer is also useless after the first pump.

Monikabug 9

LOL, thank you #107. That is really sweet of you to say. :) Random, but sweet.

How are you getting it on your hands when you use lots of layers?

unless there was shit on ur hands it nbd (no big deal)

jayholla 0
chocolatewhite 0

i lold at tht more than the actual comment

Hey, he's not the dumbest. My friend was a scientist who was working with AIDS, and the virus was in a syringe. It somehow ended up at his apartment where his roommate thought it was heroin and

injected himself, giving himself AIDS. Then he got mad at mr. scientist and injected his blood into him. Now they both have AIDS. I guess it's bad that I think that is funny, but oh well.

nommnom_fml 0

wtf o_O some of u ppl actually don't wash ur hands after a shit. U guys r sick... u could have poopie matter on ur hands tsk tsk tsk

You're one classy son of a bitch you know that?

woah, how did #4 get down here? anywho, .. so.. how massive is massive?

How do you forget to wash your hands after taking a massive dump? Sick.

Monikabug 9

No idea! I do not know what is up with all of these bad hygiene posts lately, but I am becoming attracted to bottles of Germ-X.

Agreed. I thought that was automatic by the time you got to primary school. I think I might become a germophobe. I feel like watching my hands now.

I'm glad you both feel the same way. Next time I go into the store I'm going to get myself some hand sanitizer now that I know people manage to get this far without this programmed into their heads.

Maybe... Maybe they're just three and have very advanced vocabulary, grammatical understanding and grasp of technology for their age? Yes... That must be it...

Soap, water, and friction loosen the poo and the water takes it away. Hand sanitizer leaves you with sanitized poo on your hands. So tasty...

tehamericanboy94 0

There's really no way to escape germs..

killergummyworm 0
tokintot07 0

did you like put your hands in your shit or something? wash your hands!

That's how he checks if he's wiped properly. Swipes his cornhole with his finger and takes a whiff.

perdix 29

Do you go two knuckles deep in the touch hole to ensure there are no Klingons around Uranus?

ryguy997 0

^^^This!!!!!! OP, you are a nasty ************! How the hell do you forget to wash your hands after taking a dump?!?!?! YDI & FYL for having no home-training whatsoever!

Monikabug 9

Nah, I like Snick's new picture. My absolute favorite was the one with the piercingly bright blue shirt. Brought all of her features out. But, I am currently in a Black&White Photo phase. So, this new picture is definitely a keeper!

PsychoMerk 0

I bite my nails :[ it's a nasty habit I picked up when I was around 6 :/ the stress of having to be top in my school just made me freak <_> but I also wash my hands for everything ;0 tons of soap O_O I hate going to public places and/or touching anything /:|

snicker shut up not his fault for biting fingernails, people still do it, he just deserved for being stupid enough to touch his mouth without washing hands first