Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish.... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

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Great boyfriend

British Broadcasting Corporation

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By WeighYourWords - 3/5/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

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By grossed out - 5/5/2013 23:10 - United States - Mount Prospect

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

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By nofriends - 19/10/2013 21:57 - United States

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

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By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

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By Damn - 6/5/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2015 20:41 - United States

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

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By betchyo - 1/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

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By Soresack - 4/1/2010 13:34 - United States

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 09:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

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By Catie - 13/5/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

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By shit... - 5/7/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

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By meltdowninrels - 15/8/2014 22:09 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

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By BabyDaddy - 30/5/2010 08:05 - Australia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML

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By Fmycar - 26/9/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, my football team played in a game against our rival school that was just a few blocks away. We hadn't lost the game in exactly 49 years, we were playing for the 50th year win. We lost 63-0, and got booed off the field by our own crowd. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2016 15:23 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML

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By TheMysteriousTsundere - 3/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

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By - 7/2/2020 18:00

Bachelor party

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

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By fml9124 - 25/4/2020 20:00

Not now!

Today, the best manager I've ever had told me she was leaving to take a job at another company. I just found out my new manager is a guy that has destroyed three different departments in three years. He's the owner's nephew or something. I do not want to be looking for a new job during the Covid-19 pandemic. FML

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By Yousaidyouweremoving - 11/12/2016 16:23 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML

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By bandit99999 - 19/8/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

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By disturbed - 10/5/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2014 00:52 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

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By Starving Ultimatum - 2/9/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2018 13:00

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

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By limping - 24/1/2014 23:10 - Canada

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 19:39 - Ireland - Mountmellick

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

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By ConstructionLady - 13/11/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

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By falling short - 20/3/2015 15:26 - India - Mumbai

Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

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By XxFA1LxX - 22/7/2012 13:57 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

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By linda - 22/11/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

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By DMitch - 15/5/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

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By help me - 1/6/2014 15:51 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

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By singleagain - 15/5/2012 01:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

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By G-6 - 7/1/2011 11:24

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

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By spekledworf - 5/8/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

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By Lesser spotted female gaming nerd - 12/1/2016 02:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML

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By teacher - 7/9/2014 21:05 - United States - Apo

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

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Top comments

By mcbeth | 0

#156861 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:25

psh, you didn't forget, you know you wanted to look pretty for your swim team

By Fields4mint | 0

#156857 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:23

Methinks you are whipped.

Comments

By Fields4mint | 0

#156857 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:23

Methinks you are whipped.

Reply

nickernutz | 0

#969422 - Saturday 27 March 2010 19:21

agreed. you definately deserve that one.

Reply

luvtheknot | 6

#1025482 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 20:52

Methinks you is right

Reply

kykyshay | 0

#2359210 - Saturday 16 April 2011 21:07

nail polish remover, duh!

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2808036 - Saturday 2 July 2011 20:16

definitely whipped

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2808066 - Saturday 2 July 2011 20:19

definitely whipped

Reply

tatababe | 0

#3039806 - Thursday 4 August 2011 23:00

That's actually really sweet that you did some thong like that for you girls friend

Reply

SneakyMuffin | 0

#3411018 - Monday 10 October 2011 2:21

This is NOT an FML. Pink rocks!!!

Reply

PhillyEagles | 0

#3611202 - Sunday 20 November 2011 19:35

First world problems......

Reply

ILUVMSC | 5

#4811622 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 6:41

Aww that's really sweet!

Reply

Aniki_Sohma | 20

#4943798 - Tuesday 18 September 2012 4:39

Lol my friend drew a fire breathing t-Rex on my back one time before a meet. I feel you OP...

By mcbeth | 0

#156861 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:25

psh, you didn't forget, you know you wanted to look pretty for your swim team

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#5674933 - Sunday 15 September 2013 23:14

yeah, he wanted to wow them with his beautiful nails

By Tehalon | 0

#156863 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:26

Haha, you could always wash your feet with terpentine.

By jarofarts | 0

#156869 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:27

nail polish remover. it's easy to use and doesn't cost much. =/

Reply

Little_Devil_fml | 0

#1294849 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 15:16

wouldn't take long to get the nail polish off with remover :P

Reply

cwl727 | 32

#5890917 - Thursday 20 March 2014 18:14

What makes you think he has any at his place.

Reply

Journiexo | 18

#6026602 - Sunday 3 August 2014 12:06

#164 It's very inexpensive, and at the nearest dollar store.

By 01100110 | 0

#156873 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:28

Your mom doesn't have nail polish remover or something to get that off?

Reply

southpointchrysl | 0

#1267065 - Thursday 19 August 2010 7:21

I'm pretty sure he said girlfriend

Reply

cwl727 | 32

#5890919 - Thursday 20 March 2014 18:15

How do you know he doesn't live on his own?

By yabrett | 0

#156874 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:28

wow, at least if you're going to give in to that make her do it with a color other than "hot pink chanel"
YDI

By itsbrina | 0

#156876 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:28

you see there's this thing called nail polish remover...it works WONDERS

By greenrapsody | 0

#156880 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:29

you can remove it.

and besides, what's the big deal? if they say anything, you can explain.
I hate how so many guys feel the constant need to never be seen as feminine

Reply

Spongii101 | 12

#987920 - Monday 3 May 2010 9:27

I know right? Just tell everyone your girlfriend did it for a laugh. Seriously, not an FML.

Reply

Lennes | 12

#2698033 - Friday 17 June 2011 2:43

I whoheartedly agree #8.

Reply

Bigdawg42 | 8

#7388772 - Sunday 15 January 2017 0:57

yeah lol, and besides if he tells them his girlfriend did it, he'll just be cooler

By mattmag | 0

#156881 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:29

It makes you go faster!!

By Tehalon | 0

#156886 - Thursday 30 April 2009 19:30

#8, because that would mean you're less of a man, duhh!