Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish....

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 988

You deserved it 54 264

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

You tried

Mama's boy

By howrude - 11/09/2009 11:57 - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 561

You deserved it 4 733

Doggy dog world

By Whatever - 24/09/2021 08:00

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 135

Stranded

By Mike - 29/06/2021 02:01

Today, in an effort to conserve gas by using as much of the gas in my tank before refilling it, I ran out just before I could get to the gas station. Nobody can come bring me any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 531

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/06/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 763

You deserved it 758

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 937

By Noname - 23/02/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 047

You deserved it 18 599

By rukus - 16/06/2009 03:25 - Canada

Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 413

You deserved it 4 903

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 576

You deserved it 47 304

Twister

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 01:30

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 311

You deserved it 3 273

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 363

You deserved it 406

By readytoamputatemyfeet - 30/06/2013 23:00 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 32 008

By Username - 22/04/2011 14:42

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 058

You deserved it 5 218

By stoggie96 - 22/04/2012 15:34 - United States - Wooster

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 518

You deserved it 29 036

By hatemyjob - 15/12/2015 00:15 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 436

You deserved it 2 668

By ThanksMa - 22/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 610

You deserved it 14 345

By LocallyBrewed - 27/02/2015 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 686

You deserved it 2 677

By hell! - 02/12/2008 08:27 - France

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 050

You deserved it 6 932

By ouch - 09/08/2009 01:56 - Brazil

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 049

You deserved it 3 387

By but why - 21/08/2018 23:30

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 353

By blue - 25/08/2012 21:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 156

You deserved it 2 339

By Jim - 25/01/2011 08:27

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 338

You deserved it 4 282

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 23:00 - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 735

You deserved it 8 995

By fmal - 07/05/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 198

You deserved it 8 864

By Fubar0906 - 19/05/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 473

You deserved it 17 478

By paperbox - 16/01/2011 05:07 - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 076

You deserved it 3 289

Freakout

By anonymous - 21/07/2021 00:01

Today, my soon-to-be step-daughter had as absolute meltdown at our rehearsal dinner, screaming that I ruined her family. Her parents were divorced 10 years before I even met him. Her mother was there because we’re friends. She’s 23 years-old. I honestly don’t know which one of us was more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 71

We could be heroes…

By Fired - 08/04/2011 11:58

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 5 664

By gassy - 12/02/2013 14:18 - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 128

You deserved it 35 570

By -__- - 11/08/2013 16:26 - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 890

You deserved it 5 724

By idiotfucks - 30/04/2014 20:56 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 180

You deserved it 8 316

By I don't want to be here anymore - 03/11/2014 21:16 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 718

You deserved it 3 273

By anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:40 - France

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 787

You deserved it 7 142

By Raaaaage - 22/07/2012 06:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 045

You deserved it 2 126

By clumsyandpoor - 03/12/2014 04:05 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 3 862

By colts609380 - 17/05/2012 21:07 - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 784

You deserved it 3 101

By Nalya - 27/12/2008 10:26 - France

Today, my fiancé told me, that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I ask him if he has anything else to add. "Happy Birthday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 883

You deserved it 2 062

By artiemilano - 15/10/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 957

You deserved it 3 534

By poorman - 09/10/2009 23:22 - Canada

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 3 303

Catfished!

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 05:56

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 198

Dominion

By baby.momma2 - 26/11/2020 19:58

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 282

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