Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
rdrr 2
Great now I won't get any from her until Easter.
Unlucky_Gun 0
Haha
Webslinger66 10
I thumbed this one up. Lol
OfficeNinja 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You should have replied "being sober" then proceeded to get drunk. Then remind her that you are not "other men" and start getting drunk frisky.
OfficeNinja 5
I see by my negative score most people here are not married. But don't worry - you all will be. Some day. If anyone will have you. Then you will understand how it is. If my wife said she was giving up sex with other men - I would understand what it was. Sarcasm.
theWINDOWmonster 3
Boooooo
silentbutfunny 0
I dont think that has anything to do with the downvotes
xStaciexLynnx 15
I think this FML went way over your head...
OfficeNinja 5
No. I got it. But do you think if she really was screwing other men she would admit it? Never mind. I give up. I guess nobody here ever hears snide, snarky remarks.
HannahWho 8
Office Ninja... I am sure that someone wouldn't post about something like that unless they had a good idea what was going down--and by down I mean his wife on other men.
eddyg94 11
you fool.
flockz 20
but she said i was the only one.....
sweetness17 7
ha. classic.
perdix 31
It's only six weeks, she should be able to make it. I've heard of lazy people who give up things they don't like or things that don't exist for Lent. They give up things like liver and onions, unicorn streaks and female orgasms.
addiizcherry 0
Perdix, you are a sick, twisted soul. In a good way.
Awsumuzzie 12
Wtf? So by your opinion, and more specifically the last two words... Many men think it's lent all year round! Omg, brave, righteous souls!
Lehk 9
i gave up Christianity for lent
perdix 31
#118. I'm just kidding. I "believe in" those last two words. At least, they're some kind of ritual that shows a guy that he can finish and be worthy of a sammich.
MonsterCommenter 4
At least she wants to stop
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Only until Lent is over.
LolCakes111 7
I bet if the FML was about a husband doing lent and if he was sleeping with other women, you wouldn't say that.
loserboii 11
Teach your wife a lesson..with anal
AYsalchicha 3
Ouch!
silentbutfunny 0
Giggity
MsKittyKatWeber 10
Giggity Goo. Bring on the lesson.
_BradyBunch_ 7
Make a ridiculous list for her to see just to troll her!
Chewiebhz 15
Woah buddy! I'd starting slapping her and say I'd only stop when she admitted what she had done wrong (which I wouldn't mention...)
ProhibitionRose 14
Because violence solved everything >.>
goodgood_fml 5
Anytime you feel it's ok to beat a woman into submission should be the day that you stop dating women. Period.
wlddog 14
I wouldn't recommend giving up condoms for lent.
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
Lint oaths last for 40 days , I think so she is going to do it all over again. I'm very sorry for you, I just hope it was a joke if not you need out of the relationship.
b0ngs 7
I always make oaths to my lint. Especially the ones in my bellybutton
l0v3p4in 7
I doubt it was a joke if he "found" her list. Unless, OP's wife just has a wicked sense of humour and planted it where he could find it. If the former, FHL. If the latter, I'll award OP's wife a FTW award courtesy of Lent.